I Find Myself Drawn To Exhibitionists

It has taken many years for me to begin to understand myself.  As a man now in my 40s I am finally able to look back and understand some of the decisions that I have made over the years.  Being able to understand my own personality and to identify many of my key personality traits has enabled me to become a much more confident and relaxed person.  Understanding why I do the things I do and why I like the things I like has put me at ease with myself in a way that I have never been before.  Had I only been able to have this degree of self awareness when I was 20 I could have avoided many of the pitfalls and heartaches of the past.

One of the key personality traits, that I have only begun to understand in the last few years, about myself is voyeurism.  I don't care for the term voyeur because the first thing that comes to mind when one hears that word is "peeping tom'.  I respect people's privacy, I don't violate it.  But I do like to watch people and I am fascinated with exhibitionists.  Really I adore them!

It probably all started when I was in 5th or 6th grade.  I lived in a rural area and rode a school bus to and from school several miles each school day.  The trip was long and boring, especially after school on the way home.  Our bus driver had divided up the rows of seats on the bus into sections with the older kids siting further back.  I nearly always sat in the same seat which was in the furthest back row that my age group was allowed to sit in.  Usually sitting directly behind me were some girls who were about 3 years older than me.  These girls were from our country neighborhood and I had known them and their families for years.  It wasn't uncommon to chit-chat with them over the back of the seat as the bus lumbered down the rough country roads.  Our conversations could be about anything but it wasn't uncommon for me to get an education from the these teenagers about topics that you'd expect to be on the mind of a group of 15 year old girls.  The girls didn't always sit in the same seats so it could be any one or two of them that would sit behind me.  One of the girls was quite a bit more serious than the other two.

One afternoon the more serious girl was gone for some reason and the other two were sitting together directly behind me.  The girls were asking me questions like  "Have you ever done ___?"  or "Do you ever think about ____?"  

Then one of them asked me if I had ever seen a girl's ****.  I told them that I had seen them in some men's magazines.  But she replied, "So, you've never seen some for real?"  

My answer was "No"

She then asked "Do you want to see ours?"

I was a bit stunned and before I could answer the other girl looked over to the one that had asked the question and said "What?"  "I'm not showing him my ****!"

Over the next few minutes the first girl talked the second into it and before I could fully appreciate the situation I found myself leaning over the seat back as the two girls slouched down low to avoid being seen in the mirror above the bus driver's head.  They then both at the same time pulled their shirts and bras up to their necks and gave me about a 2 second view of their breasts.  It was amazing!  I wished it would have lasted longer.  2 seconds is not long to fully enjoy 4 breasts, but the visual image is still stuck in my head over thirty years later.

I doubt the girls knew what impact this experience had on me.  I didn't even fully appreciate the significance of this event in my life until becoming more reflective in recent years.  To this day I feel like I have been given a gift whenever a woman reveals herself to me in some way.  Thank you ladies!
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May 15, 2012