I was never one to take medicine. If I had a headache, I would just deal with it. I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder when I was 16 years old and never did I follow the doctors recommendations for my medicine. Then my father died. My best friend in the whole world passed away from cancer in 2004. I called my doctor when my father died and asked for help to get through this difficult time. I didn't go to his office, I called and he called the pharmacy. I didn't even know what he was putting me on. I just knew he was going to "take care of it". And he did. I guess. I mean, I took this little pill and it dried up my tears, helped me go through the daily "living rituals", and even got me through his funeral. I even SPOKE at the funeral. Please, don't ask me what I said...because I don't remember. This little pill had so much power. I mean, I was able to take care of my mom now who had her own health issues. I was able to work. I was able to get through those dreaded special occassions. And that was the reason I took the pill....to live. Thought I had it under control. I knew when I needed to take it. I knew how much to take. The doctor said "take 1 every 6 hours"...well, if I needed more or if I needed it sooner, I took it. I know me better than anyone else does. I didn't have a problem. My mother was diagnosed with cancer in November of 2007. My pills were needed more. I couldn't deal with the thought of losing my mom too. I'm an only child and I don't care if you are 5 or 35, you still need your parents. That's a different subject tho. I started really relying on my pills more and more to the point where I was blacking out, I was cutting myself...I was just a mess. She died in January of 2008 and xanax was needed more than ever. I never thought I would become addicted to a pill.....but without it, I can't survive. I can't live. I have been in rehab twice..detox was pure hell....have been off them 3 months....but to this day xanax is my serenity and I am at the point where I'm going to relapse.