I Love Yoda
I firmly believe that embarrassing your children in public is every parent’s God-given right and obligation, especially if they happen to be teenagers, and I can confidently say that I have always put in at least my share of effort in this regard.
When my two were in their teens, one of my favorite and most effective ways to immediately engage their “fight or flight” instincts was "Yoda-speak." Like Yoda, questions I would ask. Respond to their questions in the same way I would. Truthfully, I did it so often that I could slip into the syntax as easily as an old t-shirt, and keep it up indefinitely. I admit that I sometimes did it for the sole purpose of seeing just how far they could roll their eyes, but it was most effective when they would step out of line.
Have a mini-tantrum in the checkout line because I won’t buy but-I-really-need-it-oh-my-gosh-I-hate-you-everyone-else-has-one?
“If like a child you choose to behave, then to your room you will be sent."
A bit of exaggerated, passive-aggressive sighing and fidgeting when I stop to speak to an acquaintance?
“Friendly and polite you must be, or tender your backside shall become.”
On I could go, but the point I’m sure you get.
They are both now well past the teenage years and are (thankfully) out of my house, so I am forced to find ways to torment them remotely. Enter grandchildren: So easily influenced, even, dare I say, corrupted. They can be taught interesting things, and then counted on to exercise an almost uncanny ability to blurt out their new knowledge at the most inopportune times. Let them get just a few months older, and their indoctrination will begin.
Embarrass their mothers, they will.
When my two were in their teens, one of my favorite and most effective ways to immediately engage their “fight or flight” instincts was "Yoda-speak." Like Yoda, questions I would ask. Respond to their questions in the same way I would. Truthfully, I did it so often that I could slip into the syntax as easily as an old t-shirt, and keep it up indefinitely. I admit that I sometimes did it for the sole purpose of seeing just how far they could roll their eyes, but it was most effective when they would step out of line.
Have a mini-tantrum in the checkout line because I won’t buy but-I-really-need-it-oh-my-gosh-I-hate-you-everyone-else-has-one?
“If like a child you choose to behave, then to your room you will be sent."
A bit of exaggerated, passive-aggressive sighing and fidgeting when I stop to speak to an acquaintance?
“Friendly and polite you must be, or tender your backside shall become.”
On I could go, but the point I’m sure you get.
They are both now well past the teenage years and are (thankfully) out of my house, so I am forced to find ways to torment them remotely. Enter grandchildren: So easily influenced, even, dare I say, corrupted. They can be taught interesting things, and then counted on to exercise an almost uncanny ability to blurt out their new knowledge at the most inopportune times. Let them get just a few months older, and their indoctrination will begin.
Embarrass their mothers, they will.
By:
OverWritten
Age:
46-50
,
Male
