Baby St3ps! (day 3)Sometimes i wonder which is harder...walking away or not looking back. Honestly i feel as though it is never looking back. It is the mystery of what might have been, the could have been and the what if. I often ask myself, what is the right thing to do? Im in a horrible mess. One of which I, myself created. One of which I have allowed. I could fix it so easily...but would I be happy? Ive come to a cross-road, a fork in the road. Which direction should I take? Which path?
I have a story, though it is not pretty. I have made decisions I am not proud of. I once snarled at others for doing the same that I now find myself doing. All this in knowing it is not right, but not understanding how ive let it come this far. I once studied eating disorders in college and read once that anorexia is often a condition in which the person performing such actions swears to themself and others they have control...until one day they wake up and realize the conditon controls them. I have sworn to myself that I have had control these whole 3 years... until just recently i realized, I dont! This now controls me! ..............my love controls me! ...and my lack of control over my own feelings scare me.