Armyguy #1

That Chat Site I talked about is awesome, its a brilliant way to relax, and waste time. But then it can drag a person down.

Jack doesn't go there any more, but he's a constant little niggle in my mind anyway. I've made MANY friends on there, some that I've helped go through things, helping them where I can by being a listening, caring ear, which is what some people want sometimes and they all know that I'll always be there for them. I know that they are there for me too, but I feel like a burden when I tell them my problems.

One current problem, is a guy I met on the chat site. I knew him casually when I was talking to Jack, but wasn't interested. He seemed like a fun person to talk to, but that was it. Until I lost Jack. I needed a laugh and one day went on when this other guy was on. His username is "ArmyGuy" because, he's in the US Army. LOL! I just realised he's just as original as I am with my "BoredGirl" Username.
Anyway, he's 21 and and we like the same sort of things, games, movies and he likes watching me when I do paintings and I enjoy watching him when he plays games. He flirts so much its ridiculous and he makes me giggle lots and he's so cheeky, we have the same sense of humour too.
Lets just get it out of the way now, he will never be Jack, I can never forget him, but ArmyGuy, he's something different.
He's sweet when he wants to be, and we have great chemistry. We talk on Skype everyday and we share each others hopes and dreams. He doesn't understand me like Jack did, but he's a great guy. We do get along great, we make each other laugh and although we live far apart, we're doing a casual long-distant relationship.
Which is hard as hell. There's things that he does that drives me crazy, he makes me jealous and doesn't calm me when he sees that I'm getting pissed off. But when I see he's getting a little jealous, I calm him immediately and tell him that there isn't anyone besides him. Which is true.
When we argue, he leaves. He doesn't give me a second to explain myself. Which seriously annoys me. I can read his face, and I can tell when he's saying something genuine and when it's not. There are two things he says that I always know are genuine, that he thinks I'm beautiful and that he loves me. But still for some reason, I question it.

He also has a tendency to disappoint me. We became fairly serious about each other after about 3 months of talking to each other, he has plans of visiting NZ when he leaves the army which is soon. He said I made him happier than he has been in a long time, and said that he's so lucky he started coming back to the chat site, other wise he would have missed out on me.
(He had a relationship with another girl, who is also from the US like he is, on the chat site. They were very serious, but they fought and there was a lot of jealousy. The chat room was full of their drama as she was the "drama queen" of the room at the time. They broke up, and he left the chat site for a five months) Anyway, he told me that they had gotten in touch with each other again and that he still had feelings for her. And that he was planning on going to see her in a few months, when he had leave. I was a mixture of pissed off and endlessly hurt. I don't let many people into my heart, except for Jack, but he had managed to get into my heart too. I hated him for the way he made me feel, the fact that I had specifically told him a few months earlier that I didn't want to be more than his friend because it never works out over the internet, and I know I'll get hurt. And I hated that he thought I would be okay with him going to see her, to spend the weekend alone with her. Doing what they chose to do, most probably having sex, I'm not as naive as I seem. He said that although he still had feelings for her, they were being outweighed by the love he had for me. I cried for a week. We barely spoke, but when we did, I couldn't look at him. I would keep my head bowed so he couldn't see my tears. He hated seeing me cry, and I said that we might as well be just friends, before I get hurt more. He got upset and left, like he always does. He returned an hour later and said he never wants to lose me. She had hurt him badly before, (she had cheated on him, but there were mistakes on both sides) and he hated seeing how he had hurt me, but he never wanted to lose me. He loved me and being just my friend was impossible, when he needed me more than just that. I told him I'd think about it.

I decided about three days later, that I would be okay. If he still had feelings for her, then that's just the way it is. I would make sure he knew that I cared for him, and I would always be here for him no matter what happens. If he decided to go and be with her, then by all means, go ahead. I told him go do what you like, go be with her and make yourself happy. I'll be fine. ( In hindsight, I was still pissed off) He said he hadn't talked to her in a few weeks, after he had seen how much I had been hurt and said he didn't want to go see her any more.
I didn't know how to feel about it. Relieved? Most probably. Guilty? A little. I didn't want him missing out on something because of me, I didn't want him thinking to himself "what if.." and I didn't want him resenting me for it. I didn't tell him how I felt until a few days later. He said he wouldn't resent me, he would never feel anything but love for me and he was so sorry he ever hurt me. He would never do it again.

I laughed at that, because lets be real, its only a matter of time.
SomeGenericUsername SomeGenericUsername
18-21, F
May 7, 2012