Morning Glory

Tonight I feel an overwhelming sense of hopelessness.  An even more potent passion of love.  I have come to a revelation, and I marvel at its latency. 

  She is 1000 miles away, quite literally.  She called me tonight, and yelled.  It made me feel so happy.  I know that sounds strange.  But it made me so happy, because I know she doesn't ask for help, she doesn't tell anyone anything, she doesn't call,  yet she calls on me.  She trusts me. 

   She yelled, she screamed, she cried out in frustration.  She is so alone.  She wasn't speaking to me, she was just speaking aloud and I was listening in.  She promptly apologized, as she always does.  It is her nature to silence herself.  Its the nature of the world to silence her, and she is a realist.
"Sorry, Im just so angry.  I probably should just shut up"
At which point I said
"You have been shut up enough."

And she went silent for a moment before saying to me "You are the only one in this world who understands me"

I miss her so much.  I didn't know I had a sister.  I can't imagine that I will ever again in my life meet someone with whom I can relate so well.  She and I are polar opposites in many respects, but at the core we are the same lost soul.  Her pain is mine.  I will give her anything, I will do anything for that girl, and never will I ask for something in return.  I feel hopeless now, with her distance.  Hopeless with the frustrations I know I can not ease for her.  Hopeless with the knowledge that things aren't changing any time soon.

I realized tonight that I would give up anything for her.  I would die for her.

I wish I could tell the world about her.  I want to explain to everyone who she is, why she acts the way she does, I want the world to see her greatness. ..but maybe she's right.  Maybe I'm the only one who understands.  Its scary, and its lovely.  Its scary to think that the world could be so blind, but its lovely to know that there is one soul out there to whom I am connected.  Truly, deeply, connected.

I have sisters, blood relations, some friends.  But she is a true sister.  She is more a part of me than anyone in my family.  More a part of me than any lover.  I will cry now.  Cry for her pain, for the joy she gives me, for the ignorance the world has of her beauty, for the injustice of it all, for having a friend, for having true love, for knowing that tomorrow she will fake it.  Tomorrow she will fake it.  She knows I will too.

EolianDeparting EolianDeparting
18-21
Feb 9, 2009