Distant MemoriesIt has been a while since I have felt what it’s like to have another living being growing inside my belly. Not a day goes past where I am not grateful for having been blessed with the gift of children.
The whole experience of pregnancy was something I enjoyed more than words can possibly express. Watching my belly swell, though which each pregnancy that belly seemed to get just a little bit bigger.
The first time I heard that wonderful melodic beating heart was so reassuring. It made my pregnancy in those early stages all the more real to me.
I loved how my whole body changed in order to sustain the baby inside. Safely tucked up and cushioned from the world, my babies grew healthy and strong. I guess I was lucky. All my pregnancies, despite constant bouts of the dreaded morning, noon and night sickness ran smoothly.
My skin was clear, my eyes had a sparkle, and I loved that my hair grew twice as fast as normal. I loved being voluptuous, and feeling like this was the moment my body had been waiting to shine.
What I miss the most about being pregnant are all the secret moments of feeling the baby move. Starting as little flutters and turning into a poke here, a kick there something shared just between my baby and I. There were times my whole belly would move, as the baby felt like it was doing somersaults inside. And every now and then the bump, of a little foot would poke out my side.
Of course it was not always beautiful, glowing and magical. There were the endless sleepless nights, caused by the ever growing baby. The feet stuck up under my rib cage making it impossible to sit down comfortably. The getting so huge I felt like a beached whale that could barely move. There were also the sudden and unexplainable urges to eat strange food combinations, at any hour of the day. And of course the day I looked forward to with excitement, dread and the words I always seemed to say once it was all too late- “I think I have changed my mind now, maybe I will come back later to have this baby.” This was always followed by a well meaning – “sorry but there is no going back now” by my midwife.
Though I loved being pregnant, my days of babies are thankfully behind me. As now I am trying to raise these babies, and help them grow their wings ready for the day they will fly the nest, and quite possibly have their own babies.