I Did The Worst Thing Ever , I Fell In Love With My Sons Best Friend!!!

WELL IT HAPPENED ABOUT 6 MONTHS AFTER I HAD MY GASTRIC BYPASS SURGERY.  I WAS WITH THE SAME MAN FOR 24YRS AT THE TIME AND WE HAD BEEN SLEEPING IN DIFFERENT BEDS FOR 12 OF THE 24YRS.  I HAD STARTED LOSING WEIGHT FROM THE SURGERY AND FEELING PRETTY GOOD ABOUT MYSELF,  THAT'S WHEN IT HAPPENED.  IT WASN'T INTENDED TO,  I DIDN'T SET OUT TO MAKE IT HAPPEN.  BUT ONE AFTERNOON,  WHILE I WAS GETTING READY FOR WORK.  I WAS TALKING TO MY SONS FRIEND,  WHEN FOR SOME CRAZY MOMENT IN TIME I THOUGHT, WELL HE IS ATTRACTED TO ME AND FLIRTS WITH ME ALL THE TIME WHAT THE HELL IT WILL MAKE ME FEEL GOOD ABOUT MYSELF.  SOMETHING I HADN'T FELT IN A VERY VERY LONG TIME.  SO WE BEGIN TO FLIRT AND I UNBUTTONED MY SHIRT, ONLY SHOWING MY BRA.  HE SMILED AND GAVE ME THAT YOUR TO CUTE, BUT I'M SHY LOOK.  THEN,  I SIMPLY SAID, " I'M SORRY I'M NOT SURE WHY I DID THAT?"  AND WAS FINE FOR SOME TIME.  THEN,  HE WAS THINKING ABOUT GOING INTO THE SERVICE AND I HAD FEELING OF LOSING A FRIEND, AND WAS SCARED FOR HIM AND ASK HIM NOT TO GO.  THAT'S WHEN WE STARTING GETTING CLOSE.  I THOUGHT AT FIRST IT WAS MORE OF A MOM THING THAN ANYTHING,  BUT I NEW IN MY HEART I WAS FALLING FOR THIS YOUNG MAN.  I DIDN'T REALLY KNOW HOW TO GO ABOUT FIGHTING THESE FEELINGS.  TRUST ME I DID TRY.  BUT, HE WAS ALWAYS THERE,  HELPING ME EXERCISE AND WALKING WITH ME, AND JUST SPENDING TIME WITH ME.  THE FEELINGS REALLY STARTING GETTING STRONG.  PLAYFUL AT FIRST.  WRESTLING, HORSING AROUND,  WALKING, TALKING ABOUT OUR LIKES AND DISLIKES.  WHAT WE WANTED OUT OF LIFE.  AND THEN HOW WE FELT ABOUT EACH OTHER.  HE REALLY OPENED MY EYES ABOUT ALLOT OF THINGS.  I LOST WEIGHT, WAS HAPPY FOR ONCE IN MY LIFE.  FELT ALIVE FOR THE FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE. AND ALL THE WHILE THINKING HOW WRONG IT FELT AT THE SAME TIME.  YOU SEE HE WAS ONLY 19 AND I WAS 41.  HE NEVER ONCE FELT EMBARRASSED OF OUR FRIENDSHIP OR BEING SEEN WITH ME.  BUT IN THE BACK OF MY MIND I ALWAYS FELT LIKE WE WERE DOING SOMETHING WRONG.  OUR RELATIONSHIP DID EVENTUALLY BECOME ROMANTIC.  AND AT FIRST WE SAID THINGS LIKE,  NO WERE ARE JUST FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS.  THEN,  HE WOULD SAY THINGS LIKE,  I COULD NEVER LOVE YOU LIKE YOU LOVE ME.  BUT, EVERYDAY,  HE WOULD EMAIL ME OR CALL ME AND WANT TO HANG OUT.  SOMETIMES WE WOULD JUST SIT I'M MY CAR AND TALK FOR HOURS,  OTHER TIMES WE WOULD GO FOR LONG WALKS.  NEVER REALLY HOLDING HANDS OR THINGS LIKE THAT BUT, HE WAS ALWAYS VERY AWARE OF ME AND MY SAFETY.  I NEVER REALLY TOLD MY SON ABOUT US UNTIL , HE CALLED ME OUT ONE DAY.  THEN I HAD TO COME CLEAN.  I HATE THE FACT I TOOK HIS FRIEND FROM HIM.  BUT, IT WAS A MUTUAL FEELING TO SAY THE LEAST.  WE BASICALLY HUNG OUT FOR 2 AND A HALF YEARS.  EVERYDAY.  DOING EVERYTHING TOGETHER.  GOING OUT TO EAT,  GOING CAMPING,  I MEAN EVERYTHING.  THEN ONE NIGHT HE STOPPED TALKING TO ME OUT OF NO WHERE.  NEVER GIVING ME A GOOD REASON, OR EXPLANATION.  JUST NOTHING . THAT WENT ON FOR ABOUT 1YR AND 2 MONTHS.  THEN ALL OF A SUDDEN, HE ADDS ME TO HIS FRIENDS.  I HAD SO MUCH I WANTED TO SAY TO HIM.  LIKE HOW MUCH I LOVE HIM, AND HOW MUCH I MISSED HIM,  AND HOW MY LIFE HAS BEEN MISERABLE WITHOUT HIM.  BUT,  ALL I SAID WAS, " HOPE YOUR DOING WELL, TAKE CARE OF YOU."  HE WROTE BACK TO ME AND ALL HE SAID WAS" THAT'S ALL YOU HAD TO SAY?"  NOT KNOWING WHAT TO SAY,  I REPLIED WITH,  "WHAT EXACTLY DID YOU EXPECT ME TO SAY?"  HIS RESPONSE TO ME WAS "NOTHING I GUESS"    SO I WROTE TO HIM AND SAID,  I HAD ALLOT I WANTED TO KNOW AND ALLOT I WANTED TO TELL HIM, IF HE WANTED TO GET TOGETHER AND CHAT SOMETIME OR JUST HANG OUT HE COULD CALL ME AND I LEFT MY NUMBER.  HE HASN'T WRITTEN BACK.  MY QUESTION IS DO  YOU THINK HE REALLY EVER LOVED ME,  DO YOU THINK I'M DUMB FOR RESPONDING TO HIM,  AND WHAT SHOULD I REALLY DO KNOW!!! THE TRUTH IS I LOVE HIM VERY MUCH AND REALLY WANT TO BE A PART OF HIS LIFE, EVEN IF I CAN ONLY HAVE HIS FRIENDSHIP. 

                                     THANK YOU IN ADVANCE FOR LISTENING. 
dreamer3998445 dreamer3998445
41-45, F
Aug 3, 2010