Forever and Ever and Ever?

    I've liked the same guy for almost five years. It's crazy. I just can't get over it. He's not perfect. He doesn't look like Brad Pitt, he's no Albert Einstein, and he's not always a perfect gentleman. But he's amazing. Way back when we first met, I thought it was total fate. Like I was meant to trip on the crack in the sidewalk, fall over, and have him help me back up (very cliche, very fairytale, but very real). We talked all the time. He was the kinda guy that would stay up and wait for my plane to get in, just to make sure I was safe. He was the kinda guy that would leave me a message on my phone to wake up to. He was the kinda guy that would stay up until midnight on a school night to wish me happy birthday. He was the kinda guy I could talk to for hours and never get bored.
    A few years ago we dated for about a month but it was really hard. We didn't go to the same school, we were both busy a lot, we couldn't drive yet and he was too young to really want to be so committed, so we ended it. But now it's different. We're at the same school, we're both older and more mature, and I think that we could be great together if we tried again, but he just thinks it will end badly and won't even consider it.
    And the sad thing about it all is that nothing can go back. I would give anything just to have a normal friendship with him. And it's not that it's awkward because of our history or anything. It's just that he has other friends now. And I'm so jealous of the time they get to spend with him that I can hardly control the tears sometimes.
    I don't know what to do. I haven't been with a guy since him because every time I try and think about someone else it just feels wrong. I can still picture us happy together and somehow think that maybe just maybe the situation will change. I'm afraid I'll never be able to get over this. I know it's crazy and stupid and I should just let it go, but I can't. I'm going to end up being an 85 year old maid, sitting in my rocking chair, knitting, surrounded by cats, dreaming of what could have been...
liquidpaper241 liquidpaper241
18-21, F
Dec 5, 2007