No Chance Or Just Afraid?

I've known this amazing girl for 12 years. We've been the best of friends the whole time. Others have told me that we seem to be in a relationship because of our conversations and actions. She has told me in years past that there might be a chance for us. I've never known her to be in a serious relationship; she has been hurt a few times so because of that she is afraid to commit to anyone.

I tell her I love her but she's only said it back a few times. I've gotten the "let's just be friends" speech. But even after that she let's me say I love her. Once in a while I'll flirt, she usually doesn't flirt back but she had on occassion. The other day I told her my day isn't complete unless I talk to her and she said she feels the same. We talk everyday and have for 12 years so I'm not sure if she feels the same about our talks just because maybe it's just habit by now.

She does txt me from work when she gets a chance and let's me know when she gets home.

So I've been pretty confused. Do I go by her "just friends" talk or her actions? It seems like what she says and does are two different things.
88fan83 88fan83
2 Responses Jul 20, 2010

I think you are very sweet and you really do love her. It takes a lot of courage for a guy to tell a girl he loves her. It may be that she isn't ready to be in a commited relationship especially if she hasn't been dating anyone. She may be not sharing everything with you that has happened in her past. In the meantime, I would keep the friendship because that is what you really enjoy. I would keep my eyes open to new people. I like the previous comment in asking her to help you with that. If she doesn't have those kinds of feelings for you, she will help you. I hope this helps or that it helps to know someone else feels for you.

HI, really sorry but I think if she wanted to be with you as a boyfriend then she would have done something about it by now. She probably enjoys having a really close friend who offers her all the support that you offer her. Women like having close friends who they communicate with often but that is not the same as feeling physical or romantic about someone. However, if you really want to know then you will have to take the risk and get the situation clarified for you.<br />
You could say something like "If I said I'd like to be your boyfriend rather than your friend, what would be your answer, would you say that could be possible or could not be possible ?" <br />
Or another phrase "Do you think it would ever work for us to be boyfriend and girlfriend ?" <br />
or " Do you think we'll just be friends for ever or do you think we'll ever have a relationship ?" <br />
You could also say - "Don't worry, I'd rather know the truth - that's okay" so she doesn't fudge it for you.<br />
Once she says something like "Oh I just see us being friends really - not a relationship " Then you have to let go of the hope and move on.<br />
You could then start telling her that you really want to find a girlfriend and don;'t know the best way to go about it and ask her for her help. Women usually really enjoy this role. If there was the slightest feeling on her part at this point then she would probably step in to offer herself at some point.<br />
However, my feeling is that this won't happen. So take advantage of having a really great female friend instead and get her to help you find a real girlfriend . Don't waste any more of your life !! <br />
Good Luck