I Should Have Listened Better...

Before my husband and I were married, we had one of hubby's brothers over with his fiance'.  I was inside cleaning up the kitchen and the three of them were outside.  Pretty soon, the fiance' came in and told me to come outside.  My soon to be husband had told the both of them that I didn't deserve what I had and he couldn't figure out how I got it (it's called hard work, buddy).  Our marriage date was a few months away and everything for it had been bought.  I chalked up what he said to be his drunkenness talking.

On our wedding night, hubby got sooooo drunk that he stumbled to the car after the reception, started arguing with me about how to get home, and then got mad when I got us home safely because he was too drunk and couldn't figure out how I got us home "going the wrong way".

Now let me back up and start from the beginning.  As soon as I saw this man, I knew I was going to marry him.  We got along great, he made me laugh, he was a southern gentleman and from what I saw in public, he wasn't a drinker.  He is a good singer, taught me how to slow dance and made me feel wanted by a good looking man.  We formally met in September, were informally dating in October and started having a relationship in December.  It was wonderful, and I fell in love with him.  

Over the course of the next year or so, he asked me to marry him three different times.  Each time, I told him "not yet".  I figured it was too soon.  When I felt I was ready when he asked me again, I said yes.  I was in love with him, and he with me.  Our life would be wonderful and we'd grow old together. 

Soon after we were married in the middle of August, things started turning sour.  He turned into someone who was drinking almost a bottle of Jack every single Saturday night and flirting with every woman he could online in a chat room.  But he didn't want anything to do with me in the bedroom.  And I mean nothing.  I decided I needed to see if I could figure out why.  In checking all of his online profiles, not a single one of them ever said that he was married, so these women didn't know he was married and he wouldn't tell them unless asked outright.  One of them though, knew he was married and didn't care.  Since she was a "mutual" on-line friend, I told her myself that he was married and I didn't appreciate what the two of them were doing.  She didn't stop and neither did he.  I stopped it for them both.    I loved my husband and didn't want to lose him.  Shortly after, he got involved with a woman that didn't live too far from us.  I found out by looking at phone records that the two of them were calling each other while he was at work and she was on her way to work.  Again, a "mutual" friend.  I told her that I was uncomfortable with what the two of them were doing and asked her to stop calling my husband.  She didn't.  And he wouldn't stop answering the phone when she called him.  In total frustration, I called her husband - who didn't know anything was going on.  After I talked to him, we would talk but only about how to stop my husband and his wife from having an emotional affair.  We finally stopped it and we were both accused of ruining a friendship.  Neither of the guilty parties felt like they were why the friendship had to stop.  Again, I was still on love with my husband and didn't want to lose him.  That was in October.  Still - no action in the bedroom.  We were victims of a foreclosure - as so many other people these days.  The day that we were served with the papers, I was in total shock.  He was angry and we started arguing.  I told him that I didn't want to lose him and he said he couldn't guarantee I wouldn't. 

By this time, I figured out that he probably married me for the money he thought I had.  Sure, I had quite a bit in the bank from money I had put aside, and during the time before we were married and the first few months of our marriage, I had been paying all the bills except gas and groceries.  He didn't have any problem helping me spend the money I had made.  So, I ended up marrying for love to a man who was marrying for non-existent money.  

featherbryte featherbryte
2 Responses Jul 29, 2010

Thank you both for your comments. It is indeed a horrible thing to have your heart broken but I know that there is a true love out there just waiting to meet me and I, him. He will find me when I'm least expecting it and it will knock me off my feet. I'm in no big hurry though - and I swear that I'm taking my good old time thinking and re-thiking about my future with anyone.<br />
Thanks again, and good luck to you both :)

Thanks for sharing your story. I fell in love with this guy who at first ignored me. we were "friends" but that was all he cared to be. about a week after he told me he didn't want a relationship, he started dating this other girl. after he started dating her, he told me to wait for him. (i know, idiotic right?) and like a trusting moron, i did. he flirted with me, held my hand, gave me long hugs... he even took me to prom while he was dating this other girl. he refused to leave her for me and any time i started getting distant from him to try to get over him, he'd reel me back in somehow. he always knew exactly what to say or do to keep me hanging there as long as he wanted me there. that continued for 4 years.<br />
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the point i'm trying to make is that there are idiots out there, but there is hope. i found true love. my boyfriend and i have now been dating for 3 years. we've been through rough times, and great times. it doesn't matter what i say, do, or think... he still loves me. if i do something wrong, he forgives me almost instantaneously. and vice versa. we care more about each other than the circumstances we're in, because we know that we'll get through anything that comes our way as long as we stick together. as cleche as that sounds... it's true. some people never find true love, but it is out there. when you find it, you can't let it go. it happens once in a lifetime... :)<br />
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keep your chin up. things will get better. *hugs*<br />