Why Does Sudden Clarity Come At Inconvenient Times?

One of my friends tried to fix me up with one of her good friends yesterday. He seems like a very nice guy. He is intelligent, kind and very friendly; however, I do not think that I am very attracted to him. I feel that his personality is so big that I would feel displaced in this relationship. I have been in love with men before that demanded a great deal of attention and it left me feeling exhausted and lost in the mess. What is worse, I found out that one of my other friends recently met up with my ex-boyfriend. She told me this yesterday and I could not help but ask how he was doing. I clearly still have feelings for him, but he is not ready for a relationship at this time. I think my ex-boyfriend still needs to fall out of love with his ex-fiance. Why does love have to be so confusing? Should I see this new guy again? What if he was just nervous and I am judging him too soon? I also feel that people have good gut feeling about other people and I should go with my instincts and stay away from this new guy. After all, I do not want to hurt him. I did promise to got out with him next week, but I think that I will probably end it at that time. My friend gave him my phone number and I am now avoiding my phone. I guess this behaviour should tell me something, right? I do not want to be alone forever, but I guess I know when something feels wrong. Just because someone is nice, does not mean they are the right person for me. I have been in love before and I want to feel it again. I want to love someone so much again that when they leave it breaks my heart, and hopefully they will not leave this time. I really loved you Mike. I hope you are doing well, sweety. If you need me, I'll be here for you. After all, I know that you are still there for me. You are a very good friend. Good night, my darling...
tilliammyselfagain tilliammyselfagain
26-30, F
2 Responses Jul 30, 2010

I hope that I will love the next one at least half as much as I loved you. If so, I will be okay.

After reading this entry over again, I am glad to see that I wrote "loved". I still have strong feelings for you, but I am no longer in love with you. The hardest thing that I have ever done was getting over you. I hope that you can forgive me for how I ended everything. I have tried my best to forgive you, but it was really hard for me. I thought you would never leave. I guess good friends are always in your heart and that is where I will keep you. I could never forget you. You are a part of me and you always will be.