Being the Man In the Relationship, I Didn't Think This Could Happen.

I have been with a girl for almost two years. It hasn't been the most perfect match but one worth working on. At least to me it now seems.


We have always been a little distant between each other. The only time that we are genuinely close is when we have been intimate. We have no problems in that subject area. We actually get along sexually better than at any other times together. We rave to each other about how good that last time always was, and we each are always bringing in new ideas into the bedroom (and other places). This attraction is much past the newness of the relationship. We have lived together for the past year. Seen each other through being sick, drunk, angry, mean, and all the positives also.


I always make communication open and clear to get out what I am thinking on the spot to check if we are on the same page . Just avoiding the mistakes I have made in the past, especially since I do not get a lot of feedback from this girl. Recently I have got her mind full open. And it has been hurtful, but satisfying to know what I am dealing with.


It has made very clear to me that she doesnt really care for me, but is held here with me because of the comfort, security, and same interested in sex we share. The problem with this is that she really isn't interested in me. She doesn't find me to be long term material and continues this relationship, basically, untill her dream person comes around. She feels bad about thinking like this, but I know now that it is over. Over, in the middle of the best part of what this relationship has ever been... honest, open, caring.


I do not feel ill will or want to hurt her for this. I just want to move on and recover the time lost, emotion spent fruitlessly, and make freinds and be around more people. Having been so entangled with another person has led me away from socializing and being around old friends. I am not sure when I'll be ready for a relationship, much more for when next an opportunity will present itself... but I do know I am ready to move on outside of my shell atleast.

RealMe RealMe
26-30, M
7 Responses Oct 24, 2006

I am so sorry to hear about it but we are on the same page. I also love a man who isn't interested in me as I thought he was.

I am so sorry you for the way things ended. It makes me sad to see this because I feel as though my bf doesn't care much on our relationship. I feel as though we are just riding it through with no real love or attention. I feel as if I am the one giving but I am not getting much from him emotionally or physically to be honest, and it hurts...I envy your communication level you had with your gf even though it did not solve things, but atleast you care towards the relationship instead of pushing it aside. My bf and I are so different in ways that it is hard for us to work any case...but it really feels as though I am trying and all this time has been wasted when he lacks the empathy. I have tried but I give up...he just doesn't care enough for us to work, funny thing is. When I talk to him about this...he denied things, tries to act as though I am talking **** and that it is all just rubbish. He then tries to make it out as though he cares but still wont talk through things. How can you make things work if people dont want to or dont want to talk about things or open their hearts to their lover.

It is time to just get it over with, and move happily on your merry way. You'll thank yourself.

i've been away from her for a long time now but the couple years spent with her has definitely made me more introverted. it's been very hard to move forward with someone else. i've regained some selfesteme since, but in trade for losing trust in new relationships.

i know how you feel, i have been there.<br />
It's hard to say that you have to be strong... let her go, she is not good for you, she is gonna kill your self esteem.

My heart breaks for you! Have you left this situation yet, or wallow in this muck of relations mutilations?