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...or At Least...

someone who knows nothing about showing love...

all he knew (and still knows) has been self-centered "what I want now".

It has been all about him and no one else for so very long...

and now that he's not getting what he wants, he acts like a spoiled brat-child...

and I asked him why he married me...

and all he can say is  that he loved me...

but it's plain to me that it's a lie because love isn't entrapping someone and manipulating them to get what you want.

love isn't getting your way, and only your way, all the time and hissy fitting when you don't...

love isn't spreading lies to all who would hear only to get your way then lying to your "loved one" just to get your way...

love isn't threatening suicide to get attention only to turn around and claim your wife is insane and abusive when she just stopped you from said suicide...calling the cops to prevent you from hurting yourself or either your wife or child...

love isn't marrying someone and, the very day after, running from her by working as many hours as you can, thus ignoring your new wife and, later, your child... working even on your days off...

love isn't vanishing overnight, leaving your wife to worry while trying to pretend nothing's wrong for the sake of said child... only to come home with lies, pockets full of women's phone numbers and having lost over $500 (rent money)... claiming you were assaulted and robbed when you went gambling and sleeping around... 

love isn't marrying someone so you'd get a free maid, a cook, a babysitter for a child you claimed you wanted, and someone to use whenever you want only to deny her needs...

love isn't coming home with ink fingerprints on your back (obviously not self-inflicted) and claiming you "scratched" while your hands were covered in ink (which would leave smudges, not clear fingerprints in the center of your back which you cannot even reach).

love isn't acting selfish and doing whatever you want until your wife puts her foot down and fights you tooth and nail to get even a tiny amount of clothing, or other necessary daily items...

love isn't making your wife feel like she's not worth your time after leaving your family members to treat her like dirt for a year... while pretending it's not happening and she's not unhappy.. just acting difficult and complaining to complain... until she feels she's not worth dirt...


love isn't doing something you KNOW is detrimental to the relationship...

love isn't trying to get away with as much bad/hurtful behavior as you can, knowing it breaks the other person's heart...

love isn't telling her what she wants to hear just to shut her up.... only to go and do the opposite shortly after...

love isn't ignoring your wife and child only to complain that you never get any time to yourself... 

love isn't giving your wife an STD and denying you ever gave it to her when she knows and has plenty of proof you slept around and she'sbeen faithful to you (she would have taken a bullet for you once... she would have done anything and everything for you... and you took advantage of that.  That's not love)

love isn't taking time to destroy your wife's Art because you didn't get your way the night before, then denying you did it when there was no one else it could have been... you were the only one alone in that room at the time, so it could be no one else... but you still think we'll buy that it can't be you... when you had motive and opportunity...

love isn't being manipulative...

love isn't getting explicit text messages and phone calls at all hours only to claim they are random and you can do nothing about it... or setting up yet another email account so you can chat girls up behind my back...

love isn't any of those things.

love isn't taking all that a person has and is only to spit on them.

No.  Love is none of those things.  Yet you still claim that you loved me.  You claim you still do.  

How gullible do you think I am?!?  I was stupid enough to think it was immaturity and that things would get better... I refused to see the signs...  but I woke up to the truth a long time ago.  Did you think your little joyride would last forever?!?  How many girls have you lied to this way?  How many have you told you're single when you've been married for years?  Or is it more fun to tell them I'm a horrible hag who treats you wrong?

I see, after all those years, that you have never loved me.  Maybe you lusted after me, but that is not love.  You just wanted a shiny new toy... until I became yours, then I was not fun anymore and you sought other things to keep you amused... yet you hold on and won't let go...

and I try, in vain, to make you see what love is.  

Because I once loved you more than anything.  Because I would have done anything for you.  I have done more than I should have.

How stupid I was to listen to my heart.  I should have ran the other way.  If I could re-make that decision, I would run the other way and never look back... keeping only the son that was born of my love if not of yours... I would go back and break my own honesty, just that once, and tell you there was no baby... and that I never wanted to see you again for "almost" getting me pregnant... That too, was your manipulating me into being with you... I see that now.

And then you broke our vows before the ink was dry... it was all a game to you.  It still is... only I'm done falling for it.  I'm done being played with.
ElvenLady ElvenLady 36-40, F 5 Responses Apr 18, 2011

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My Prayers for You.

Love n Hugs.

__/|__

thank you.

It is quite unfortunate that you are tied down by laws which were formulated for the welfare of people. I do not the possibilities of settling down in the same country for you.

Also is it so difficult for you to complain against your husband, after all it is he who has victimised and tortured you, maybe the laws of your country are in favor of men. If that is so then I fully agree with your course of action. All I can do is offer my sincere prayers for you and your child. may the lord bless your son and yourself and show light so that you can breath easy and live in peace.

you're right, it's partly my fault for letting this happen... and if I could change it I would.



although i did try to leave before. Obviously, he told some bogus story to the cops who weren't going to let me take my son w me... and convinced me to stay back then. He'll do pretty much anything and that's why I currently chose to stay. He's that manipulative and sly. He has power over me until my son becomes independent. After that, I'll be able to go knowing that my son isn't forced to deal with his father's issues. I plan on giving him all the tools he needs to not fall for his father's emotional blackmail and other issues.



I'm not leaving because my son will be stuck on this side of the border while I'll be stuck on the other (international laws suck at this point) and he'll have to deal with the negativity of my in-laws and with his father's issues... and he shouldn't have to. he should be a kid.



and yes, it is partly my fault for letting love blind me and allowing this man to do this to us. I'm very much aware of that on a daily basis. But I can't go back and change that or I would.



Thank you for your post.

Your LOVE has taken you for a royal ride, but you are also at fault putting up with all the pain and humiliation (sorry if i hurt you). What is the purpose of living with such a sadist and just think of the effect that it will have on your Son who must be of a very impressionable age. You must live independently and nourish your child in an atmosphere filled with Love and Understanding which will make him a thorough Gentleman and you will be Proud of him.

no not a very impressionable age. sometimes though you have to chose someone else over yourself, in this case my son, who doesn't need to be stuck dealing with his father's behaviors. if i go, that is what he faces. yes i am at fault for staying, some of it is fear, some of it is knowledge of what will happen when i walk out the door for good. at this point if i leave,I have an entire family who will fight me and keep me from making sure my son is raised in love and away from his father's behaviors. when i have no one to back me, no job, no place to live who do you think will win that battle? They will. i will not be the only one losing out then, my son will. There would be no one left to raise him right or show him that the good of this world is still worth holding on to.

many wanted to know why i stay, that is why i stay. when he turns 18 there will be questions about his even being able to be independent since he has special needs. But hopefully they will not know this and leave him to make his own choices or if we're lucky the fact that he has high functioning special needs will not be an issue as to his being free of them making his decisions for him and then he won't have to deal with it if he doesn't want to.

they certainly won't be able to argue if he then choses to come with me and leave the drama behind.