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He Doesn't Want to Be With Me Anymore

Last night, my boyfriend of 5 years text messaged me that he wanted us to go our separate ways.  He says we are too different to be together.  I have always appreciated our differences and that was drew me to him and allowed myself to open up and trust him and be with him.  He knew when we begin talking and seeing one another that I had gone through a bad divorce.  He knew I was quiet and reserved and the divorce made it worse.  He stayed around and finally I let my guard down.  Now this is a blow to me because he says we should face reality and realize that the relationship can't go anywhere.  I'm devastated because he can't tell me where he wanted the relationship to go only that we're different.  I have my elderly mother who lives with me because she became ill a few years back.  She is healthy now, but the illness exhausted her savings so she has no choice but to live with me and I know he resented that for some reason, but I never resented his children and treated them with kindness all the time.  I feel like I can get over the breakup in time, but attacking the fact that I'm a quiet person and not loud and outgoing is something I'm having trouble processing.  All I want is someone to love and care for and someone who loves and cares for me in return.
tvd tvd 41-45, F 24 Responses Feb 22, 2008

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I'm 28 years old and dated a man who is 53. We dated for 5 years. When we first began dating he was a terrible drunk. He lied about his drinking and hurt me a lot. I stayed with him and helped want to change and go to rehab. He has been sober for 3 years. I went through it all with him stayed by his side and believed in him. Then I fell sick and was diagnosed with crohns disease and was put on mood altering steriod prednisone. Now I did experince mood swings which were not my real personality but steroid induce. Plus being on the steroid was only going to be for 6 months. While I was sick he stressed me out called me names and picked pointless fights with me.. While I was seriously sick. Then when my best friend of ten years and I got into a massive fight that ended up with me being bruised up with a spranged rib and the next day after this happened.. My boyfriend of 5 years broke up with me in a text message.. I actually got post tramatic stress disorder from this and the stress sent my crohns from a mild case to a severe case and was hospitalized from a bowel obstruction. (crohns disease gets worse with stress) . Lately we have reconnected. I have completely changed my life around and am trying to get back to my life after being sick and not working for a year. He never calls, texts.. And stops by my house once a month for an hour after setting an alarm for an hour to sleep with me. Writing all of this has helped me get perspective that he is not someone who cares about me or loves me and I need to remove myself from him completely if I want to love, respect and care for myself. Thank you.

I'm 28 years old and dated a man who is 53. We dated for 5 years. When we first began dating he was a terrible drunk. He lied about his drinking and hurt me a lot. I stayed with him and helped want to change and go to rehab. He has been sober for 3 years. I went through it all with him stayed by his side and believed in him. Then I fell sick and was diagnosed with crohns disease and was put on mood altering steriod prednisone. Now I did experince mood swings which were not my real personality but steroid induce. Plus being on the steroid was only going to be for 6 months. While I was sick he stressed me out called me names and picked pointless fights with me.. While I was seriously sick. Then when my best friend of ten years and I got into a massive fight that ended up with me being bruised up with a spranged rib and the next day after this happened.. My boyfriend of 5 years broke up with me in a text message.. I actually got post tramatic stress disorder from this and the stress sent my crohns from a mild case to a severe case and was hospitalized from a bowel obstruction. (crohns disease gets worse with stress) . Lately we have reconnected. I have completely changed my life around and am trying to get back to my life after being sick and not working for a year. He never calls, texts.. And stops by my house once a month for an hour after setting an alarm for an hour to sleep with me. Writing all of this has helped me get perspective that he is not someone who cares about me or loves me and I need to remove myself from him completely if I want to love, respect and care for myself. Thank you.

I'm 28 years old and dated a man who is 53. We dated for 5 years. When we first began dating he was a terrible drunk. He lied about his drinking and hurt me a lot. I stayed with him and helped want to change and go to rehab. He has been sober for 3 years. I went through it all with him stayed by his side and believed in him. Then I fell sick and was diagnosed with crohns disease and was put on mood altering steriod prednisone. Now I did experince mood swings which were not my real personality but steroid induce. Plus being on the steroid was only going to be for 6 months. While I was sick he stressed me out called me names and picked pointless fights with me.. While I was seriously sick. Then when my best friend of ten years and I got into a massive fight that ended up with me being bruised up with a spranged rib and the next day after this happened.. My boyfriend of 5 years broke up with me in a text message.. I actually got post tramatic stress disorder from this and the stress sent my crohns from a mild case to a severe case and was hospitalized from a bowel obstruction. (crohns disease gets worse with stress) . Lately we have reconnected. I have completely changed my life around and am trying to get back to my life after being sick and not working for a year. He never calls, texts.. And stops by my house once a month for an hour after setting an alarm for an hour to sleep with me. Writing all of this has helped me get perspective that he is not someone who cares about me or loves me and I need to remove myself from him completely if I want to love, respect and care for myself. Thank you.

they are all a waist ! u wouldnt believe if I told you what happened to me better off with out them.....MEN. IF ONLY WE COULD HAVE KIDS WITHOUT THEM?!?

I hate when people send text messages telling their b/f or g/f that they want to break up. seriously, couldn't they just tell that to the person's face? But i guess that's just them being cowards.... I'm sure i would be less 'devastated' if my b/f were to just give me the bad news me in person. why? because that way it would be easier for me to slap him and accuse him and make him feel guilty, and maybe even get bystanders to pick on him. that's just my opinion though. =D

Thank you all. I've read your comments. They are encouraging. I'm trying not to give up hope. Thanks to you all

I know where you are coming from but dont let him bring you down (easy to say I know) but you obviously deserve so much better. Hold on to hope because it is the only thing that will get you through. Life only hands you the cards you can deal!!!

I dont know but this maybe of help to you..<br />
But my ex left me without a word...<br />
He didnt answer my calls or texts...<br />
We was together for two years.... We had a great weekend together and then i heard nothing more from him.. Well at least i thought we had a great weekend and relationship... It hurts like crazzzzzzzzzzzzy but you know what hun I love myself so much more now... What ever you do dont blame yourself its his hang ups... Beleave it or not trust me he's hurting as much as you are sometimes people fine it easier to just go or text than to face the person they dont really wanna hurt... In fear me may begg them to stay and lets face we would try to stop them from going.... Let it go babes because if its meant to be he will return or maybe in time he may contact you and give you the reason as to why he ended it the way he did, and maybe by then you wont even wanna know the reason... Try to be strong babes put your trust in god and yourself and most of all keep doing what you do best look after your mum.. Let love flow and love will come back to you in time...

hey friend, dont worry i've been through a similar situation like you....its not that easy but i just want you to remember this saying "smooth roads never make good drivers, calm seas never make good sailors, good weather never make good pilots, therefore problem free life never make good person, so be ready to accept the challenges of life as they will make you strong... cheers

Just remember everything always happens for a reason.. It really really does and one day you will look back at this and realize how much stronger you are because of it.. Just keep believing and giving your life to god and he will show you the way... but dont expect it to be easy because he is going to want to challenge your faith to test it.. Thats why you have to be strong and keep the faith in your life!!!!

My daughter is going through a similar situation. She's having a terrible time getting over him. I just keep telling her to love herself. It's the best thing a person can do. It makes you able to live through so much because "you'll" always be there for "you".

I find it ironic that the man telling you you need to face each other delivered this information via text message. Clearly he is not as mature as you, you totally deserve better than that. Just remember that it's okay to feel hurt by this gesture.

Reality is what happens when one is not looking. What one desires is as much a function of time and space as it is ego and instinct. So then you're left with an incomplete and deceptive answer to the question, "what do you want?" How can any be certain when the mind that drives us is as chaotic as the observable Universe? Then the question becomes, what use of attachments?

Stay in there kid, I ntoo am heart broken at the moment because my wife of six years had a two week fling with someone she met in a chat room while I was away working, now she wants a divorce so that she can go over to America and marry this man.<br />
This has hurt me very much because I am still very much in love with her, so since she dropped this bombshell on me two days ago, I have been in a right old state but experience shows that I will get over it in time, I just wish it didn't hurt so much now.

Well now you can find someone who appreciates you for the wonderful person you are! I have a saying"if you love them enough to let them go and be happy with someone who is just like them then you are free to find your match! Example I had a boy friend who got drunk M, W, F then the next week T, T, Saturdays, gun carrying, I could not deal with anymore drinking as my dad drank all my life so I left him. He later married someone who could outdrink him and beat him up instead of the other way around...So see I release him to find his ideal match!!I saw him later he still loved me but he was married and 3 boys by this psycho woman..Now I am married to a nice man for 18 years...I see you finding someone who will be at your side as he had someone his parents too...do not worry love I mean real love the kind where the guy wants to stick around and does stick around. I say there are men who are meant only to come and go quickly, other come just for our pleasure, others are meant to pass us by and those kind we are greatfull they did not stay...

OOH I'M SO SORRY SWEETIE. MY EX DID THE SAME TO ME WHEN HE BROKE UP WITH ME FOR THE NEW YEAR. HAPPY NEW YEAR ITS OVER AND GAVE A B.S. REASON WHY. I PERSONALLY FEEL THAT ITS HARD ENOUGH TO GET OVER THE FACT YOU ARE NOW SINGLE. THEN TO HAVE TO FACE IT WITH NO EXPLANATION IS WORSE. ALL I CAN TELL YOU IS TRY TO MOVE ON. I KNOW THAT IT IS HARD AND UNFORTUNATELY THE ONLY CURE FOR HEARTACHE IS TIME. I WISH YOU THE BEST SWEETIE. AND TRUST THE PAIN WILL GO AWAY MAYBE NOT NOW BUT EVENTUALLY. STAY STRONG

Congrats on your freedom.

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Go on www.hitch365.co.uk and Meet the Hitch Doctor,<br />
<br />
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<br />
Love is his job and he'll get you the person of your dreams in just a few easy dates.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
Hitch, will give you all the help you need to find the perfect person quickly !

Do you believe in hitch doctors?<br />
<br />
Go on www.hitch365.co.uk and Meet the Hitch Doctor,<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
Love is his job and he'll get you the person of your dreams in just a few easy dates.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
Hitch, will give you all the help you need to find the perfect person quickly !

Do you believe in hitch doctors?<br />
<br />
Go on www.hitch365.co.uk and Meet the Hitch Doctor,<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
Love is his job and he'll get you the person of your dreams in just a few easy dates.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
Hitch, will give you all the help you need to find the perfect person quickly !

it sounds like he is the problem here, not you. if he texted you to break up it sounds like he's spineless. If he couldn't deal with your elderly mother it sounds like he's heartless. and if he couldn't explain to you want he wanted it sounds like he's brainless. now do you want to hang around with a spineless, heartless moron? i know i wouldn't. count the last few years as ******* tax and try your best to move on. take it from me, it's hard, but you can do it. a year from now you'll be happy he's gone. you'll realize he wasn't the person for you. i hope this helps. you seem like a nice person. <br />
here's one other tiny tidbit. to help me get over my ex i did something for me every day. take a min each day and do one thing that is just for you, be selfish.

Relationships are very dificult, but you don't worry life is beatiful----Just focus in your life no more.

Im sorry about that hard time. I know how those things can feel. I had a similar situation where i was in love with a girl that still had feelings for her ex, and they went on secretly and told me off. I felt distraught and broken. But it's amazing how someone easily picked me up, and brought solace to my wounded heart. She was the sun the lights up the dark sky. She was my best friends ex, unexpectantly she picked me up and then i picked her up and i loved her. It had me thinking about my best friend, but i remember another friend telling me some guys thrash is another guys treasure. I know someone out there is going to pick you up and steal your heart, and it feels Awesome. If you want to attract some 1 be unique---dress nice and different(colorful or wear a head bow or something), be lovely, don't be shy just adorable. Look at the guy in the eyes confidently with a pleasant smile. Always look adorable and clean. Act lovely and amorous around people. Try to be your best and make ways people find you intersting or different(try to catch attention), and care for the people who care for you. Im a pretty attractive guy, but whenever i see a girl like this, she seems to be so attractive no matter how she looks. *Trust me*.

Dont focus on what he said that wasnt right For Him about you two....just know God has better plans for you and there is someone out there that wants you and will cherish you....it'll be okay....sorry...sounds kind of out of the blue/a shock....