Heartbroken And No HopeToday is not a good day.
My boyfriend (just 2 months shy) of 2 years broke up with me about 3 weeks ago. The catalyst was my asking him to seriously consider us moving in together. What followed six days later broke my heart.
He came to my apartment and told me he couldn't move in with me. The reasons are - he doesn't love me, he doesn't feel "it" for me and he thinks he is incapable of loving. Ok. So I asked him why did he wait so long to tell me? Why not tell me last year? His response was that he was really trying hard to make it work. I told him that this did not make me feel better at all. I feel like he was never invested in the relationship. I'm constantly questioning what I felt during our relationship. I feel like I was delusional. I feel like I've wasted 2 years with a man who never had any intention of investing anything in the relationship. I gave him 2 opportunities this year to get out and he didn't take them (the last one being in July).
Yesterday I found out he is dating again. I feel like this is just unfair. He is not mourning anything, just moving on to the next woman and I'm left feeling heartbroken. I loved him, cared for him, believed in him, in us. Then I got kicked in the teeth.
I need to feel what I feel, I know this, but it's too hard today. I'm tired of everyone telling me to have faith, be strong, love yourself. Today I don't have those things. Not because of him, but because of what the situation means for me. I feel like I'm giving up on ever falling in love again. Giving up on ever having a family of my own. I feel like no man will ever want to be with me because (and I am so ashamed to admit this) I'm too old now; not a spring chicken.
I know I deserve better, but today, I have no hope. None at all...
Pebbulz 36-40 27 Responses 3 Nov 3, 2011