I Almost Thought I Was The Problem

I've had my share of being in love alone. I have had experiences where I thought I was loved, but that was not always the case. I have been used financially, as a ploy to make one's ex mad, you name it... I have gone through it. I called myself a hopeless romantic for quite sometime, until I realized that maybe I was being too nice or disclosing personal information and experiences too quickly. I found myself praying to God asking him to show me what it is that I could possibly be doing wrong to always end up with my feelings hurt. Needless to say I just eventually had to cease all communication with the ones who have done me wrong & have enough self control not to fall for the same old tricks again. I will admit that I do have someone I miss dearly, but I just don't deal because I am now at a better place since the games the person played are finally over. You see, I said "game over" and plan to keep it that way. I can think back on good and bad times with that person and be fine with it. I know the one who's willing to love will come along and I won't have to ask for love. I just can't understand how a person can actually know what you've gone through(after u tell them) & then they turn around and hurt you the same way, if not worse. I say I have learned my lesson in love but, only time will truly tell...
selflesslyME selflesslyME
31-35, F
2 Responses Dec 24, 2011

How ironically representative to EVERY RELATIONSHIP I HAVE EVER HAD. Like witches of eastwick meet the ONE (jackal) allowing the bearing of souls fears and wounds, only to find all of what isnpromised to be sheltered from ends up as arsenal against them! This opitimizes my love life to a T! Too A FUKN T! Trust for me is just a revenue bearing term from this point forward, for i will never ever trust another soul again! EVER! Bareing my heart on sleave has done one favor for me, the ability to he ended so much easier, unfortunately there just isnt anyone worthy of the task. Now forever in pain I live!

At the same time try not to become too cynical or harden yourself too much. You may then never know love. Part of being in love is being vulnerable to being hurt. It is simply unavoidable. If you build a wall around yourself you will never be hurt, but you may also never love or be loved. I really think the best advice would be self-knowledge. Know yourself as well as you possibly can, reflect on your life as much as possible. Maybe also do some journaling. Continue to date. Don't give up.