Not Being Loved In ReturnI remember the first time I had saw my ex boyfriend well call him Edwardo. I was working at a cell phone place and we were looking for new people to hire because everyone got fired except me. I remember this guy who was kind of short but had a presence about him. He had confidence in himself and he had the best looking eyes I've seen on a man with the perfect dimples and perfect little gap between his two front teeth.
He sat down and we chatted a bit before he had gone in for the interview. All I could think about once he had left was damn I need to make sure he gets hired so I can spend some more time with him. It was just my luck, the next day my boss called and said Edwardo will be coming in, in about a week and do training with me. I was happy but I didn't want to express it cause we weren't allowed to date employees. Screw it I didn't care.
Training day came faster than I thought. I was excited and nervous at the same time. I was sweating and my heart was racing and he walked in the door and I saw the man I thought I wanted to be with for a long time. As days of training flew by I actually didn't like him like I thought I would. He was very cocky and ignorant and was not what I was looking for in a significant other. He partied excessively and he smoked weed often. He would come into work with hang overs and smelling like sex the next day.
Throughout the next few months we were the only ones working and after all the negative stuff I saw him, I still knew that I wanted him. We had more in common than I thought. After so long we began dating and "hooking up." Things begin getting more serious and hooking up turned into love making at work when no one was working and rushing to my house by the time work was over.
The first few weeks were perfect. I remember the sex was amazing and exhillirating. I never loved someone as much as I loved him. I never kissed anyone like I kissed him. Never made love like I did with him. It was more than I ever thought I could love something or someone. It was beyond words how much he meant to me.
Months later the love was gone. Not on my part but on his. He was very jealous, controlling, and most importantly was heartless. He cheated on me since the beginning with a girl who was still in high school not even close to graduating. I found this out and we broke up and he was dating her the next day. Broke my heart.
For me I was Neieve, and stupid for getting back with him but I did and it was like watching a monster truck drive over cars. He was the monster truck and I was the cars underneath getting the beating from underneath. I was tricked and deceived to believe I was truly loved. He was the best munipulator I've ever met and honestly I was never loved for 2 yrs. My first love and I wasn't even loved at all.
I'm scared of falling in love again. I guess thats why I feel so content being single. Giving my all and not being love in return is heartbreaking and I dont want to feel that pain again. BUT I have faith that I will find the love I was meant to be with me. Going through what I went through with Edwardo was just a lesson to prepare me for the next guy to love. God has a plan for me and I'm ready to accept it when the time is right. Mr. Right, I'll be waiting =)
Just wanted to write this story to just get stuff off my chest. =)