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Not Being Loved In Return

I remember the first time I had saw my ex boyfriend well call him Edwardo. I was working at a cell phone place and we were looking for new people to hire because everyone got fired except me. I remember this guy who was kind of short but had a presence about him. He had confidence in himself and he had the best looking eyes I've seen on a man with the perfect dimples and perfect little gap between his two front teeth.

He sat down and we chatted a bit before he had gone in for the interview. All I could think about once he had left was damn I need to make sure he gets hired so I can spend some more time with him. It was just my luck, the next day my boss called and said Edwardo will be coming in, in about a week and do training with me. I was happy but I didn't want to express it cause we weren't allowed to date employees. Screw it I didn't care.

Training day came faster than I thought. I was excited and nervous at the same time. I was sweating and my heart was racing and he walked in the door and I saw the man I thought I wanted to be with for a long time. As days of training flew by I actually didn't like him like I thought I would. He was very cocky and ignorant and was not what I was looking for in a significant other. He partied excessively and he smoked weed often. He would come into work with hang overs and smelling like sex the next day.

Throughout the next few months we were the only ones working and after all the negative stuff I saw him, I still knew that I wanted him. We had more in common than I thought. After so long we began dating and "hooking up." Things begin getting more serious and hooking up turned into love making at work when no one was working and rushing to my house by the time work was over.

The first few weeks were perfect. I remember the sex was amazing and exhillirating. I never loved someone as much as I loved him. I never kissed anyone like I kissed him. Never made love like I did with him. It was more than I ever thought I could love something or someone. It was beyond words how much he meant to me.

Months later the love was gone. Not on my part but on his. He was very jealous, controlling, and most importantly was heartless. He cheated on me since the beginning with a girl who was still in high school not even close to graduating. I found this out and we broke up and he was dating her the next day. Broke my heart.

For me I was Neieve, and stupid for getting back with him but I did and it was like watching a monster truck drive over cars. He was the monster truck and I was the cars underneath getting the beating from underneath. I was tricked and deceived to believe I was truly loved. He was the best munipulator I've ever met and honestly I was never loved for 2 yrs. My first love and I wasn't even loved at all.

I'm scared of falling in love again. I guess thats why I feel so content being single. Giving my all and not being love in return is heartbreaking and I dont want to feel that pain again. BUT I have faith that I will find the love I was meant to be with me. Going through what I went through with Edwardo was just a lesson to prepare me for the next guy to love. God has a plan for me and I'm ready to accept it when the time is right. Mr. Right, I'll be waiting =)

Just wanted to write this story to just get stuff off my chest. =)
AmazinglyAmazing AmazinglyAmazing 22-25, F 4 Responses Feb 1, 2012

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Wow, what an honest, down-to-earth, reflective confessional. I am sorry that you put your heart on the line only to have it crushed. Your ex sounds like a total pla<x>yer who keeps score on how many women he bangs. It's good to hear that this experience hasn't turned you into a love cynic. Your wonderful personality and cute looks will get you plenty of admirers, I'm sure. Good luck sweetie. =)

I appreciate that soo much grl, thank you! I def didn't write this to expect replys more or less to get it off my chest but you def know how to make one feel uplifted thank you. I def just want to take it as it is and just learn from it all, thats all we can do right =) I hope as well you find someone who isn't like this and can love for who you are which is an amazingly genuwine, beautiful inside as in out I'm sure. Best of luck to you too hun. =))

I understand. It is difficult to experience unrequitted love. Just keep loving all, starting with yourself more than anyone.

Thank you so much. I def am to the point to where I just wanna love myself more than anything and once I can do that then I think the next guy or even guys after that will love me again. =) Thank you for the kind words!

I felt into the same situation. I was with a foreign girl and after 7 years of relationship. Then she went back to her country and completely disappeared. My heart got broken because i was not at fault .Only the cultural differences and the pressures of her religion and society induced our separation. It has been 6 months since then but the pain has not gone away. It is very hard to erase 7 yrs of experiences .Also ,during that time i isolated myself from the world so, i have find myself now in a different world with almost no friends but my dog. It is hard to be lonely, wanting to be with someone but with the fear of getting heartbroken again.

I'm so sorry to hear she had left you and just disappeared. This world of being with someone is soo difficult but we have to face it head on and from getting to know you I def know it was her loss to have lost contact with you. We just gotta keep having faith that someone in return will be that one for us. Keep your head up, your def not alone in feeling this way. =)

inspirational

Thanks hun, means a lot! =))