Unconditional Love --i Think Not...

I can't speak for everyone, but I think the majority of people have loved someone that did not love them back.  I am no exception to this.  I loved a guy that thought he loved me, even professed his love for me, but it took 11 years to finally realize the love is just not the same.

I know that people love differently, but when you are married, young, and have children, this is something that you are even on the same page about or not.

I loved my ex, but over time that love changed.  I was never able to love him whole-heartedly.  We had issues almost from the beginning and he is the type of person that will just "be there" because something or someone new is harder to deal with rather than leaving.  I admit, in the very beginning I was scared to be alone and pregnant, but I did love him. 

We moved across the United States, away from all of my family and closer to all of his.  I was running away yet again from being pregnant and I knew that  I would not be able to do  it on my own.  I knew my own family would not do much to help.

Regardless of how I was treated when I was subjected to cruel verbal and mental abuse from the ex's family, I just wanted him all to my self.  My ex, *Steve* (not his real name of course) and I were only 19 with a child.  We fought all the time both verbally and physically.  But despite all the fighting, I just wanted to love him and want him to love me the way I wanted to be loved. 

I finally realized after 12 years that love needs to be unconditional.  Love see through faults, love gets mad but apologizes and means it, love is devotion of the mind, body, soul and heart.  Love is forever, even if there are bumps along the way.  Love is setting someone free to be happy.

I have moved on and so has he.  As much as I say I don't feel anything for him...that is not true--but no sense exploring those feelings as I am happy with my husband now and Steve is happy with his life.

This is probably one of the hardest things I have had to admit to myself and share.

 

darkenedheart darkenedheart
31-35, F
6 Responses Mar 10, 2007

Well you've admitted it now, and ask yourself...do you feel better?

It's a well known fact that in MOST instances, one person in any relationship has more love for the other. Which was my experience for the most part of 4.5 years. I kept hoping that her love for me would grow and while she would say the words without hesitation, words without actions are just...words! Unfortunately, she simply had NO ability to love...ANYONE not even her one & only daughter (from her previous marriage) Point in fact, this woman simply had no capacity for love and I found out from a long-time neighbor of hers that she used to lock her 6 year old out of her place, leaving the child to roam the hallways of a large apartment building. No surprise that the child (now 18) will have nothing to do with her mother now that she's of age and can control her own destiny! Anyway, back to my story... I befriended her some years ago and we became an item...which always seemed uneven with her constantly picking fights as an excuse for withholding love. Now to be fair, I was not completely blameless because, I was very needy...I really wanted to be in a loving relationship and as I said previously, I was hoping that her love for me would grow. In the end, I had to be true to myself...I had to cut her loose. Now I'm alone again but, the reality is, I am a much happier person. So to sum it up, In my opinion, it's much better to be alone than it is to be in a loveless relationship.

Peace

-S

I think that's happened to a lot of people. It's never easy and always painful when it does happen. I'm glad you're both happy in your present life, but I believe you'll always feel something for your ex. After all, you were once drawn to him.

well you seem like a person who really wanted love and not the crap the one of my age believe is love, I'm also in love with someone who doesn't share the same feeling, I'm friendzoned and she also invited me to her future wedding! I believe you know when you love someone when you feel happy when that person is happy even if you're not the one who's bringing that happiness, like you do and I bet your husband loves you very much just as you certainly do.

I agree with you 100%

"Love see through faults, love gets mad but apologizes and means it, love is devotion of the mind, body, soul and heart. Love is forever, even if there are bumps along the way. Love is setting someone free to be happy."<br />
<br />
I agree with all of that. Unfortunately I don't think that mutual feeling exists. Love is a rare thing, and if it's mutual, it's real, and that's just something that some people never get to feel, no matter how much they desire it. There's just not enough years in a life time.