Unrequited Love-when It Becomes Deadly

I dated someone for two years after we had been dating for a year and a half i went on exchange to thailand. before i left he would talk of marriage, and how much he loved me. but something happened while i was away. and to this day i'm still not sure what that is. i had been away for six months, while i was away i barely heard from him, and he sent me an email saying that he's sorry he hasn't wrote he is not going to make any excuses he simply put that he loves me, and hopes that i'm having a great time in thailand and not hurting like he is. he closed the email with love your retard... it hurt to be so far from him, and especially to only speak to him a few times a month through email. but i pushed myself through it. once i returned home he was different, he was no longer the sweet, charismatic gentlemen i had grown to love..he was unloving... i'm not sure how to express it with words.. but the best way to describe the vibe i received from him is "cold"... he no longer loved me as he had before, and this love i had fallen so hard into, i was in on my own... my depression got worse, and i can't even explain the pain i felt... everyday was really hard to get through..but i never told a soul. i've always been the type to hold everything in, even if it means i'm with a battle against myself. it was one of the hardest things i've had to get through.... i've lost best friends from illnesses and my father, but to lose someone not because they have passed on but because they chose to.. that is really hard. for a long time i decided to stay single, i have a lot of guy friends and they wanted to try something but i wasn't able, and after that experience... i never want to end up in the same position as i had before, because i've never been so scared...i was hanging by a thread, and i sought out books for councelling. and i don't know that i would be strong enough to go through that again. well after some time a close friend of mine that i'd known for six years prior told me how he felt about me, and since i did feel the same way and he was a good friend of mine and my best friends cousin i decided that i should go for it. well at first everything was good...but we just broke up because after he came down to see me(we were doing long distance-he lives 13hours away) i didn't hear from him for a week, and once i asked him why he said that he and his parents got into a big argument as soon as he got home about me. his parents have only met me once and it was six years ago when i went to kapuskasing with my best friend-his cousin. so they are afraid that i may be like his ex.. she was very needy and manipulative, which i know isn't me... i'm actually too lenient/tend to others needs before my own. well to be quick they told him that he's a dreamer, that this is a mistake, and unrealistic and he believed them. he told me that his parents are always there for him, that he could fall on his face and they'd be there... i just wanted to say i would be there too... if he wouldn't push me away. but refrained from the comment since it wouldn't make a difference. he said "i'm sorry i'm not who you thought i would be"...and i had to leave the computer-yes he did it over msn, because i was going to start crying...so i asked him to just please say good bye, so he said good night. we'd tell each other we loved each other before, and he said i was the one, that he really loved me, that i was the one he wanted to spend the rest of his life with... and in what seemed like an instant that had changed.
staryeyes staryeyes
18-21, F
1 Response Mar 13, 2007

poor darling...i know that u love him with all your heart..but i juz wanted to say..he's a bit of an a**... honestly...i couldn't believe that he abandoned u juz like that...whatever it is..hang in there will ya?believe me..it gets better...take care