Paranoid

I fell in love with and we were friends. It never went anywhere, even though we both knew that we could be together forever. She was scared-she gave me signs, but then recanted. I wrote her a letter 9 months ago (her birthday, plus I am sure I said a bunch of lame ****) and she sent me a CERTIFIED letter telling me to not ever contact her again-in caps. What really sucked is that these people on line (myspace) really, really, really encouarged me to send the letter...I think she might have made up these profiles and been the one behind it...anyway, that is why I left myspace. But the ****** up thing is...I am still worried she might "stalk" me online. She is like, a tech wiz, totally bored and Googles best friend. But the really, really, really ****** up thing is...I wish she would.

BrutMystik BrutMystik
36-40, F
15 Responses Mar 21, 2007

"Even robots have memories of pain and sorrow"-Albert Einbot.

oooh...we might need a battery charger

brut auto response:<br />
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hey Split! how are you? I am doing fine, girl, just hangin' out. No, life is great, i am totally happy, sweetie, life is golden f gravy. Do you like graxy, Split? Lilt, do you like travy> I am not a fan. hey guys, what are you foing? hangingg g g g out me too, me too, me too, me too, em me too ,emmmeee emtoo. zMe Too.<br />
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Auto response ended. Brut hibernates.<br />
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*watch the bl<x>inking light*

so does that mean i cant have any brut? *sniffle*

All check points are a go...

*brut shakes a little*<br />
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I thought I deleted this story...didn't I delete it? I thought I deleted it...didn't I delete it Split? I deleted it, didn't I...<br />
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Auto Brut switches on:<br />
The subject you are attempting to accesssss sss is restricted ed ede dddd d ed. Please refer to owners manual, and discard it. have a nice day, and thank you for visiting autobrut.com :-)

I'm sorry darlin'... I know this is an old story but still sorry.<br />
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I, however, would love LOVE L-O-V-E to stalk you!

why not? Yes. I figure that someone not loving you isn't the end of the world...there are worse things. And, no matter what, I knew that she loved me. But none of that matters now. I am not giving up on love; it is out there someplace. I'll find it.

Sometimes the best thing is to leave well enough alone and put it behind. I suppose we are lucky to be able to deal with these problems ourselves...some people seem so miserable with their issues, it makes me realise we all could be that miserable, and yet not all of us are...why? Too big to answer...but I can sit back and claim happiness for now anyway.

I think she, if she was even doing it, had some things to work out. It doesn't really matter now-I have made up my mind to put it behind me. I feel only positive things most of the time-I am very lucky. I try to concentrate on that. I only wish her the best, what ever she is doing. But it sounds like you have found a way to cope with your feelings in a productive way; I am glad.

I wrote letters and emails to a partner, I would go on and on in my one one-sided way about how I felt and would get so absorbed in my letter that when I'd sent it off it had become a self-righteous essay about why I was a victim and said partner was mean. This had two negative effects, firstly, I wrote down my emotional situation and that information would sometimes be thrown back in my face, the second was that I would say something really nasty towards the very self-righteous end of the letter and when I read it over a few hours later I would feel like cr*p because of what I'd said in the heated moment.<br />
I don’t do that anymore, after a year of finding that the letter never worked I stopped, now days I’m all about passive resistance, I do not resort to personal attacks(You are stupid because you did this), I do my best not to generalize (you’re always doing this, always…Or…We always argue, Always). I have a few other things that I try to use to keep cool in argument or to control myself when I feel like I’m the victim of injustice…perhaps I’m on my way to an ulcer, but it works for now.

Well, that is the problem...I don't know if she was or not...that is why I might be PARANOID...but thank you for the support. Either way, I will never know if I was right or wrong. I think if I knew, I would feel better. But, oh well. I am hoping to stay single...

I hope you meet someone really nice that will love and appreciate you. You deserve better than that. Sounds like she played a lot of mind games with you.

well, there aren't too many other lesbians where I am going and I am not into being someone's first...but you are right, man. But I think I would just as well stay single-I hate emotional interference from other people-I have enough of my own. Thanks for the comment!!!! And good advice.

Dude - get over her. There are so many more women out there desrving of a good loving relationship.....Look for one of them and be a lot happier.