In Love With My Teacher
I realize that everything I write will seem extremely insipid and cliched, but that doesn't make my thoughts any less sincere or true.
Let's just get the facts out there: I'm sixteen, and my teacher is about 15 years older than me. I've honestly never felt this way about anyone before. He's absolutely perfect, I love everything about him - his unfathomable intelligence, his sweetness, silliness (he really is a boy at heart), liveliness, and overall loveliness. He's ridiculously smart but not patronizing; his mischievous, sweet smile has the ability to melt my heart, his eyes are so keenly searching and inquisitive yet at the same time wholly empathetic. Everything about him is just absolutely endearing. I can just watch him do the most mundane actions, such as write on the chalkboard, and see a million beautiful things about his posture, his stance, his excitement, his pauses in the lecture, his words, his sighs, everything.
I purposefully try to go where I know I will find him. I ask him questions when I already understand the answer just to be near him and to hear him speak and to gaze into his exquisitely blue eyes. I can't focus when he's near me. Whenever we make eye contact I feel like we are communicating tacitly, exchanging our feelings.
The good thing is that my grade in his class is really high, since I want to impress him and all that.
The bad thing is that I can't stop thinking about him, ever. I am utterly obsessed. And I know that my dream of our being together can never come into fruition: even if I did ever reveal to him my feelings (which I will probably never do, especially not before I graduate), I know he is too morally upright and principled to ever take advantage of me or to encourage my affections.
Thus the dilemma. What should I do? What can I do? My feelings for him are exacerbated by the fact that I see him everyday; I am continually taunted by what I cannot have.