Hey... Nobody's PerfectI was going through a very rough time when I met 'Clarke' (not his real name). I had been sexually assaulted by a desk clerk at a hotel where I hwas staying for business (I had him arrested, tried and deported.), I had a DUI that revoked my driver's license for a year, the company for which I worked went bankrupt, and my second marriage was a goner. I was living alone, and at the time I thought that I was more pissed off than lonely.
I had to go to rehab, and that's where I met 'Clarke'. The first time that I laid eyes on him, I thought to myself, "What an incredible loser!", but he kept pursuing me (I was VERY attractive 10 years ago.), and I finally went on a date with him. Well... It's the old 'one thing lead to another' story, and we ended up not just dating, but eventually living together. He even took me to Las Vegas and married me, giving me an engagement ring and his mother's old wedding band. I was in heaven, except for the part when I gave him a heart attack with sex on our honeymoon. (Would it be unkind to say that it was unfortunate for me that he lived through it?)
Every morning he blew kisses goodbye down the hall and told me how much he loved me, and then... after having done that, was sitting by the fire with me in an outrageously expensive apartment that I had rented for the two of us (Are we begining to get a bad feeling about his yet?), when he told me that he didn't think that he loved me anymore. He couldn't come up with an explanation... just some garbage about me not working, while he did. (Well I didn't HAVE to work, @sshole!)
He was totally shocked when I made him gather up his belongings and kicked him out of the apartment right then and there. I was absolutely heartbroken.... for once I had actually 'showed up' for a relationship, and look where I was... all alone and ready to vomit. The horrible thing about it was that I couldn't get him out of my mind, and I was consistently running into him all over town. Every time that I saw him, I felt like I had been put through a shredder, and I still loved him so much that I actually agreed to stay 'friends' with him...sex included, of course.
And then I found out an interesting little fact about him... He was already married....separated but married, and that my marriage to him was bigomy on his part. I guess that he had forgotten to tell me that he hadn't divorced his ATTORNEY wife yet! So I got an anullment, which wasn't hard to do, considering the circumstances.
I tried having other boyfriends, but no one could measure up to the compatibility that we had together... not to mention that he was a volcano in bed. However, at that time, my parents, who had me when they were in their late 40s/early 50s, were beginning to get a little feeble and needed someone to check in on them a couple of times a week. I eventually ditched the apartment and moved in with my folks, making sure that they weren't eating rotten food, and taking care of their finances. I also built myself an office in an old workshed behind their garage, and started teaching negotiation... which made me feel LOTS better.
All this time, 'Clarke' was looming in the background, calling me, emailing me, sending me flowers... and for WHAT?... So he could 'get off' on having someone love him? I finally just cut him off. I changed my phone numbers, my mailing address, and my email address so that he couldn't find me anymore. It was SO painful, because just a little note or a chuckle over the phone made my heart leap with happiness....But I HAD to do it, for the sake of my own sanity.
I took YEARS to get over him. In the meantime, I married a very kind, honest, VERY well educated (Ph.D.) man who truly DOES love me. It's been about 10 years since the 'Clarke' experience, but I'm totally over it now. I just needed to get away from him. far and long enough, to see what he really was... a predator that was using me in every way possible. There was NO WAY to have that kind of perspective when I was near him; but I actually don't have any feelings about him at all now, and I pity any woman that's with him.
I think that we confuse sex and/or emotional neediness with love... not to mention the wealthy people, who can fulfill our every whim. I frankly don't know what love is, any more than I know why people war with one another over religion. All that I know is that my husband (even though I want to *****-slap him every now and then) is my best, best friend... and I really DO love him, but not in an obsessive way. I don't think that we can really hope for more than a great partner with whom to share life.
fishsweeper 41-45, F 7 Responses 5 Apr 9, 2012