I Fell In Love In A Hopeless Place.

It was like lightening.10 years ago I told myself, "this is the one and only man I will marry." Now, he is married to someone else, she has everything I've ever dreamt of lest she remains as the only woman in this world I've ever been envious of.

The first day we met my heart was racing, I was still so young, but what I felt then I still feel now.He had bleached blonde hair (it was cool back then or maybe not) brown eyes, and a smile that lite up the room.He introduced himself and the look that he gave me made me felt as if I was the only girl in existence.It felt like one of those old school movies, the cliche love at first site.I anticipated his return the rest of that month only to find out that he was seeing someone whom my brother had set him up with, the fact that she looked like supermodel didn't help the situation.I was heartbroken but I had this gut feeling it wouldn't last.4 or 5 years later his relationship finally came to an end.

He was always sweet to me, always made sure his presence was acknowledged.We would talk on the phone when he would call the house to talk to my brother.I was head over heels for him.After five years I finally worked up enough courage to tell him, I had a boyfriend at the time (horrible, I know) he was also seeing someone, but I figured now or never. I was significantly younger than he was and he didn't feel the same way as I did.I cried for weeks and till this day I still get embarrassed everytime I think about it.

Two years later we were closer than ever.We talked almost everyday he was finally getting to know the real me and not as his friends sister.We started hanging out alone and I still felt the way I did 7 years prior to that.My heart racing, my stomach fluttering, it's the worst feeling in the world.Everything was on my favor except I had just turned of age and I was still discovering who I was and experiencing adolescent fun.I wasn't ready and the timing just felt so off.

Within a year he had a new girlfriend.This time it felt different the connection I felt between us was all of sudden one sided (or maybe it was the whole time). I was heartbroken, shes not easy to hate and evan I think she's a good catch. So I made the ultimate decision to move.It was the only way I would have any shot at getting over my feelings and let him feel his.He eventually got married, I went though it was excruciating to sit through.I am really sad that things didn't work in my favor, but I love him so if he's happy, I can't help but to be happy for him.I still cry all the time and my heart really hurts.Sometimes it's unbelievable to think he didn't feel the same about something I felt so strong and sure about.The worst part is that I feel like I threw away other relationships and ten years of my life for nothing.I know this is selfish but I would have rather not known him than to feel what I feel today.

Imalostgirl Imalostgirl
May 8, 2012