How To Know If Someone Loves You - Languages Of LoveACTIONS - The Language of Love:
Letters to a friend.
Okay. You might not like what I am going to say but I feel it must be said. If a man just says brb, ttyl, speak soon or whatever and then does not proceed to contact you, he more than likely does not want or need to talk to you. Men are very simple creatures, you can usually tell how we feel by the way we act. Don't dismiss his actions. I'll tell you what, there have been times when my words have said one thing and my actions said something else. More often than not, my actions spoke truth and my words were deceptive. Men understand something about women. We understand that women are moved by words, and we can use our words to get what we want. Women don't seem to understand that a mans truth can be seen in his actions. If a man says nothing but shows love, he does indeed love you, but if he says he loves you but does not show you, he probably doesn't. So if a man says he wants to talk to you but doesn't call you, he probably doesn't want to talk to you.
The fact that this man is older than you worries me slightly. He is not that much older but even so, he probably has a bit more experience than you in relationships. What that says to me is that he more than likely knows what he wants and he is probably able to extract what he wants from a younger and perhaps less experienced woman.
Its good to admire someone, its even better to love someone. But you have to learn to love those that can love you back. If you find yourself giving everything whilst the other person is only committing 50% of his efforts, there is a problem there. You'll always be giving and you will invest a lot into something with someone who isn't as committed. When someone is not that committed it is easy for them to walk away. If and when they do walk out, you will be gutted and possibly inconsolable at the "callousness" of your "partner". But in actual fact, there would have been some naivety in your venture. Getting involved with a shrewder partner than yourself.
Okay I'm rambling now, so I'll stop. I hope you get where I'm coming from. I really don't intend to be mean. Just trying to help. Its not always appreciated and I can totally understand why. I don't know you and I don't want to act as if I do because I don't. I just hope that you exercise caution in your relationships. Its a mine field out there. I wish you the best and I hope that you find what you're looking for.
Don't worry; you can be honest with me without fear of being judged. I'll do my best to try and make sure that doesn't change.
From your past two messages, I have to say, it doesn't look too positive. You know I was almost just like you not too long ago. I gave everything I had and kept giving to someone that only showed up when THEY needed me. She was never there for me when I needed her, it was always, I'm busy with this, I'm busy with that, I promise to call you; I promise to message you, but nothing. Like you, I didn't want to believe her actions; I instead chose to trust in her words. Her words were very few by the way, but what little crumbs she dropped on the floor I picked up and cherished, as I tried to gain sustenance from them.
You see I'm an honest person. I will not say what I don't mean, even if I think it will make you feel better, because I know that in the end, you will call upon the promises made with those words and I will not be able to deliver. But she taught me one very valuable lesson which I will never forget.
Just because you are honest with someone, just because you show someone love and respect, does not mean they will be honest with you. It does not mean they will love you for your kindness towards them, it does not even mean that they will respect you.
I learnt that people will often tell you what they think you want to hear, so long as they're getting something from you. But as soon as they stop receiving benefit from your friendship or they cease to need you, they drop you like a hot potato. It will come as a shock to you as to why they have acted so cruelly, without remorse or even the slightest bit of decency to even allow you to say goodbye in a proper fashion. But that is how users function. I know this because I was once one and I am ashamed of the way I behaved. But hopefully those are events that will never repeat themselves.
In short, I learnt not only to trust someone's words, but rather to trust their actions more. Sometimes all you have to go by is a persons word, and sometimes that is good enough, but every once in a while that persons actions will outshine their words. When those actions manifest, look closely, you are more than likely seeing the real person behind the words.
As they say, “Actions speak louder than words…”
That is true more often than not.