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Back To Square One......

Well I found another winner..... the Knight in Shining Armor is tired of saving the damsel.....
But.....I guess.....in hindsight....it all makes sense......
I met her though work and we were instantly attracted to each other. Blew me away as I have no self confidence and she was an amazingly attractive girl and well.....Im sorta not... Down side? She had a drunken, abusive boyfriend at the time. I thought that she liked me as a friend until we were out on a delivery of an entire corporate home set up, just her and me and 4 hours of no one else and we got to talking and one thing led to another and I kissed her in the kitchen. She got so turned on she couldnt do the job just sat there in a daze while I continued working. And thats how it started. With me as the Other Man. She tried for 2 months to get away from the ex and our relationship got more physical and involved to the point of fooling around in the offices or the back room etc and eventually she managed to ditch her ex and we got together as best we could without anyone finding out from work.
Well that went on for about 3 months until I moved away from work so that she could come live with me and we could do this right. She started making excuses as to why she didnt want to move and stuff and like a fool i accepted them. Then she got pregnant. Yes I know it was mine. Anyway the month of pregnancy was the worst in both our lives. Being 5 hrs away in January in a snow covered region is hard enough but she and I had never been through this before. It was both of our first child. Well it got so overwhelming for me, I felt so trapped and not ready I wanted to run. But I didnt. I stayed right until she lost our child. I told her that I needed to get some things straight and asked for some space for a week or 2 to get things settled and ready and then I came back to her. She took that as "Im leaving forever" and started to blame me for everything but at the same time tell me she didnt want to break up but I had to move back. Long story short: I have $1500 a month in bills. She has $550. Not feasible. One argument lead to another and she took everyone as a break up. Why? I dont know really. Guess shes been with lazy, jobless men for so long to find one that works and holds responsibility and a steady job and doesnt spend every night in a bar or a bong was just too much for her. She cheated on me our last month together with several different guys........ I tested clean thank the gods for small favors.....but we split on April 29th and on the 4 of MAY she texts me she was sorry and that she met a guy on THE 1ST and that she was on her THIRD date already and he wanted me to be happy for her and stay her friend. I lost it. I hulksmashed my phone and stopped talking to her. I got a new phone and last week my friend, who is a tattoo artist from back in the town she is in and Im from and has kinda been outta the loop, calls me. He asked if I knew why my girlfriend was in his parlor with some guy all over her and getting his name on her wrist. Again....lost it.....no my phone lived but Im not sure I did. I felt something break again..... My coworkers in the store I left are telling me all she does it say how much better at EVERYTHING her new guy is and stuff like that.  Quite frankly I find it funny she feels the need to talk about me CONSTANTLY even if it is negatively.  I asked a coworker who she is trying to convince about her new boyfriend.  Them or herself. Honestly I dont care about that but I told a coworker I started dating a girl, knowing it would filter back to my ex and in the middle of another rant about me the coworker told her that I am dating again and my ex got really quiet and stopped talking for a a few hours. Hoping she suddenly realized that some part of her knows what she lost. She used to tell me when we first got together before I moved that I was too good for her.... Why didnt I listen to that? And why out of all things is it the tattoo and the fact that EVERYONE in the store Im from can regale me with tales of her current sex life FIRST HAND because the coworker she lives with reports it to EVERYONE there as some like badge of pride "Ya I get to listen to he being nailed and she's a screamer" that bothers me SOOOOOOOO badly? Tattoo and Sex. Thats it. I dont care about the miscarriage or the cheating or the lies just the tattoo and the sex. Maybe its because she has proven to me that she wasnt good enough for me? Or because I cant call her a gutterslut to her face? Yes my writings tend to be more streamline but right now Im drunk doing this. Its the easiest way to cope right now.
Amialive Amialive 22-25, M Jun 9, 2012

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