Please Put Me Out of My Misery.......

I met Steve about 8 years ago. He was my boyfriend's best friend and employee. I split up with my boyfriend a while ago, but I made sure I stayed friends with him so I could keep seeing Steve.

Now Steve is giving me mixed signals. He compliments me, and touches my arm gently when he speaks to me. He looks in my eyes for a long time, and confides in me. But he's never made a move on me, and he's had a couple of chances.

What upsets me most is that Steve's also single now for the first time since I've known him, and I'm terrified that if I don't tell him how I feel he'll meet someone else. I don't want to hurt my ex though, and I don't want to ruin my friendship with Steve if it turns out he doesn't like me. I know I'll always regret it if I don't tell him though.

How can i tell him when my ex is always with him though. I don't have Steve's phone number, or address, and every time I see him my ex is there. The only time I've been alone with him was when he was confiding in me, and he was so upset it would have been insensitive of me to say anything.

I can't sleep, I can't eat, I'm distracted all the time and I obsess about every little thing that Steve says or does. Please, someone, put me out of my misery......

StupidCupid StupidCupid
26-30, F
7 Responses Apr 24, 2007

Just to let people know - I told Steve, and he likes me too!!! He's still reluctant to get involved with me because of my ex (his friend) but we're going to meet and talk it over one day in the week. I still hate unrequited love, but at least i've found out mine's not unrequited anymore - yay!

Actually, planning what to say may be a bad idea. Whenever I do that, I always screw up because it will never ever go the way I want it to. I find I do a lot better when I just walk up and state my feelings in the simplest, most honest way I can. I also find that I will keep thinking about seeing her constantly if I keep planning. It often helps to watch a movie that I that brings up strong feelings (It works better if the last time you saw the movie was before you fell in love.) It will help keep your mind off it. And remember, disclosing your feelings is a very deep and intimate experience. I can almost promise that right before you go talk to him you'll get extremely nervous and start doubting what you are supposed to do. Just ignore them as much as possible.

Thanks Winston, I agree, I have to do something about it, like you said I'll always regret it if I don't. Plus it's making me physically ill not knowing. I won't see Steve until Sunday, but hopefully I'll get the chance to speak to him then. If not, I've just found out my ex is going on holiday in a week so I can speak to Steve then when I know my ex can't interrupt. I just have to plan what I'm going to say now!

Yes, I know it is extremely hard but you must do it asap or indeed you'll always regret

Thanks Resplendentman, you're absolutely right - it isn't fun at all and it's making me miserable. I've come to the same conclusion as you - I need to find out how Steve feels about me as soon as I can. I'll be upset if he isn't interested, obviously, but it's the not knowing that's hurting me most, and at least once I know I can move on. I just have to figure out some way to get Steve away from my ex for a few minutes so I can talk to him, which isn't going to be easy. I think when I see Steve on Sunday, I'm going to follow him out and ask if I can talk to him. if my ex follows me I'll have to deal with it, but can't keep going on like this.<br />
Thanks for your comment, it's very much appreciated, and thanks for wishing me luck - I need it!

Your post sound a whole lot kike limerence, which is where your feelings of hope and fear of rejection are playing off each other until you can hardly think of anything else. If you are having extremes of happiness and despair, you probrobly have it. I once went through exactly the same thing, and it is not fun. What you need to do is find out how he feels about you as soon as possible, and most important of all: remember that true happiness doesn't come from another person. This part is exetrmely difficult, but if you can do it, you'll feel a lot better. As for your ex, he has no right to interfere in any of your business. Don't let his selfishness get in the way of your life.<br />
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P.S. Unless you start stalking or other wierdness, there is no way that telling Steve the truth is going to ruin your friendship. Just remember to respect how he feels whether he wants to prusue a relationship or not. Good Luck!

Thanks for the suggestion. Yes it's just my ex, and the risk of losing Steve's friendship. It's just getting Steve on his own though, because my ex follows me round constantly. I once flirted with a guy (who I didn't even like) and my ex threatened him!