Is Unrequited Love Really Bad?

This sounds like a stupid question, but it has utterly changed my life. I was sitting in my room, pining, as per usual. The love of my life was with another man. I had expressed my feelings. She wanted to be friends. I didn't take it very well. I started stalking, and made a huge @$$ of myself. There was no way I was getting her out of my system. It seemed obivous that jealousy, limerence, and sorrow were going to be the order of the day.....for the rest of my life.

That's when I asked the Question. The answer seemed obivous. Then I thought "What if the answer is no? What if instead of being another lost cause there is actually a reason for the way I feel?"

If Love is an act of self-giving, is lack of recipocation even a question? Think about it; if love is only a buring need, what makes it so special? I decided to live my live as if I was supposed to be unrequited. The results are amazing.

I still feel the pains of jealously, rejection, & constant longing. But now they only purify instead of fester. I have the oppertunity to truely love without reward, to give without recieving. Most of the time, I flub it. But when I get it right, and finally do something unselfish, it is the greatest feeling in the world. The best part of any relationship, self-giving, is still available to me.

I'm not a reject, I am a person who has a very special job, to Love even though it's hard, when anyone else would say "She's not worth it."

Anyway that's my little rant for today. Please leave comments

Resplendentman Resplendentman
18-21, M
13 Responses Apr 24, 2007

Keep loving her Winston. It's hard to find the love of your life, so you're lucky you already have. I'm sorry she doesn't love you back, but that shouldn't make your love diminish.

Sorry, but this is BS. The love of my life just left me and now I know I am screwed. The only person I can love will never love me. It's a very hard pill to swallow :(

It is well known that if you love someone that loves you back, it is a great gift. What I personnaly think is that if you have a big enough heart to love someone that doesn't love you back... that's the greatest gift of all. Unrequited love is beautiful and I wish one day I will love someone so strongly.

i am also in love with someone who only 'like's me. its's incredibly painful to deal that reality. she basically broke up with me due to my blood type not being compatible with hers (that would be my own experience project).

That's life... u can never stop her feelings. Let her go like Winston said u will meet a special person again. I know the greatest pain in life is to be ignored, to lose the person you love who doesn’t care at all for u. It’s really painful to say goodbye to someone you don’t want to let go. But it’s more painful to ask that person to stay even when you know you can never make it work out the way it should be.

He shouldn't let her go if he truly loves her. The returned feelings don't matter. If you really love her, Winston, then I know just seeing her will give you a beautiful sensation that is worth all the pain.

I think that unrequited love may not have been as useless in the past as it is today. It mainly has to do with how our food, shelter and protection depended on our friends and lovers as opposed to on our money like today. It's a very necessary and positive construct, but useless in today's civilized world. I wrote about it here:<br />
<br />
http://www.dimitrilozovoy.com/?lang=eng&showNegativeContent=0

I find myself in the exact situation.We were good friends,asked her out...things were good for a few months and then Bang! She woke up one day and didn't want anything to do with me.I text message her,she doesn't bother to reply,I e-mail her she doesn't care,I do all sorts of things to make her happy...but she's not impressionable at all.Worst thing is we work together...about 5 yards away from each other.

this is such a great story! i totally agree with you. i have been rejected by the same man three times (how stupid am i...). we're still good friends, and he's taught me that love can be shared with everyone around you and that romantic love is not our only salvation. <br />
i continue loving him--the way i can--being there for him, caring about him. i don't know if i'll get jealous if he meets someone he falls in love with. but i believe if i continue with this positive attitude, i will be strong no matter what happens. <br />
to be able to love is a blessing.

oh...i wish i could feel that way. i did for a second on saturday now i'm just lethally frustrated at my life as a reject.

To an extent, I agree with you. A certain type of love can evolve to the point where it's completely independent of the relationship (or utter lack of it) you have with the person. It just exists, whether or not you want, or the other person wants it, or any context. And it'll always be there one way or another, even if you find someone else you love - it has a space and time of its own.<br />
<br />
On the other hand, I am very suspicious of the phrasing "a very special job to do". The worst thing you can possibly do is to make the centre of your life. In my opinion, the moment you start letting that love do *you* harm by letting it get in the way of the next part of your life, you're disrespecting the love - because then you're making it a cause of hurt to someone.. you.

You really have something there. I took a similar approach when the only girl I ever loved finally left, years ago. I had to learn to deal with the newly-unrequited love I was feeling, and I found it to be a life-changing experience. I felt I was truly acting as a lover should - compassion, understanding and with the very best of intentions.

I know exactly what you mean. But I am not really sure I even want to move on (just yet) I actually consider myself a lot happier than most people. I don't even see it as a curse anymore, but a gift. I'm not sure what you mean by "worthy of love" though. Love by definition is unconditional. In my experience when you start putting a price on your feelings, bad things start happening. But yeah, if someone comes along who actually needs needs my love, it will be time to make some changes.

Just be patient and open. You will see sooner or later you will meet a special person again. That seems impossible now, I know, but trust me, once happened all this will seem a past life.

That's one way to spend your love. Or... you could even spend your energetic love on someone that is actually worthy of that love, and will LOVE YOU BACK! Well, just a suggestion. I like yours too though! ;P