There's Something About It

On that one cloudy day in September last year, I was treated to the most amazing vision of a girl I have ever seen.

Unfortunately, being of the shy type, I failed to take the initiative. She was a freshman then, and I a sophomore, we ended up talking, but not much. She had her friends, I had mine. Throughout the entire year, that status never changed.

Summer came. On that one day in the middle of an August heatstroke I saw her. Just a fleeting glimpse, but I saw her. Something changed that day. I began thinking about her more and more, waiting to tell her how I felt. Waiting for that one perfect opportunity to arise once fall settled in again.
Well, it did. And I didn't. I've never outright told her how I felt, but it's just there. In a way, I suppose asking her out qualifies as an indirect confession, and I have politely received rejection. Three times. She has also told me that she already likes someone else. Fair enough.

It doesn't change anything. I had hoped I would get over her by now, but I'm beginning to realize it won't happen anytime soon. To this day, she continues to pervade my thoughts. I often catch myself stealing fleeting glances at her in class. Sometimes she catches me. Out of sheer embarrassment and fear, I always look away, but I still continue to glance over, perhaps feeling that, for that one brief moment in time, everything stops, the world melts away, and she's mine. And then, the world fades back into reality, and time begins ticking again. All in a split-second.

I'm not obsessed, I can succeed in pushing her out of my mind, for the time being. But she's always there, gnawing at my heartstrings, reminding me that she's there, but unattainable.

We are still friends, to some degree. We talk and laugh together. But nothing outside of that. Truth be told, it's partly my fault for not taking the initiative when opportunity presents itself, but there will always be that gnawing feeling.

When I close my eyes I can picture her, in many of the "memories" that we have had. "Memories" in quotes because they are infinitely more valuable to me than her. What is a simple rejection for her I play over and over again in my mind like a coveted CD. It doesn't matter the content. What matters is she's there.

But of course she's out of reach. She's in love with someone else. She likes me as just a friend. But I will always covet those moments in time, however brief, that I can see her just being there. Those fleeting glances are all I have to get by on.

Those split-seconds...
Seventh Seventh
18-21, M
1 Response Apr 27, 2007

She catches you staring or glancing at her? I just have one thing to say about that: she wouldn't catch you staring or glancing at her if she isn't doing the same to you,., :-)