Love Hasnt Been Faded As Time Goes By

I love someone that I shouldnt love. We are both girls but she is definitely heterosexual.

She's not the first girl I love but I can say she's the best ever. Very caring, considerate, kind and funny. We share the same interests and similar personalities. We could make each other laugh out loud. Yes, I used the word could.

I've told myself for many, many times that I have to maintain normal friendship with her. But it's really hard to suppress my love when I'm totally into her.

I let her be the first to know every piece of good news, such as passing exam/tournament. It was mysterious that I could be such creative and humorous when talking to her, and obviously my common friends said there's 'interaction effect' when we were together. My way of expression and gesture was automatically modified when she's in front of me.

She knows I treat her more than friends and one night I was shocked that she typed some paragraphs to me, saying that we were and wouldnt be possible to go any further. She was clear that what kind of relationship she's longing for.

On the following week and when I was alone, I couldnt help crying. I missed her and what I could do was revisiting our photos. I felt like losing one of my hands and wasnt complete in any sense. I know she considered my feeling and didnt want me to love her even more deeply. But it's already too late.
She knows she hurt me and she expressed apologies in words. But I know I made her feel terrible, she's a girl who considers others' feeling more than hers.

And it's already 3 months since she had stated clearly the thing. I found that we could not return to normal friends. Few days ago we saw each other and the feel was weird. I told myself I had to have a good show and smiled when I saw her. I know she wants me to stay happy but finally my performance was extremely poor. All our common friends just kept on asking me why I appeared sad. And my performance had let her down either, her gesture told me. 

And I dont think my love has faded. Everything around me recalls our happy moment. And it seems I still cannot accept the fact. I don't know when the desperate feeling would cease.

Isnt the world cruel? I see no point why it creates homosexuality but doesnt praise for my serious devotion.

Lastly, I sincerely hope that she could find a partner who loves her as much as I do.

yasumu yasumu
22-25, F
4 Responses Apr 30, 2007

I have literally the same story......and I have almost cried when i read your story...but you somehow had a a bit of luck in your story,cause she was the one to break up the ice,if you know what i mean,she didn't loved you but you knew where you're at.I don't know what i should do..because i have the same situation right now and she isn't saying anything..and me neither

i fell in love with my best friend he said he was in love with me too, then we complicated everything by getting more involved, now were nothing and I miss him so much the best friend aspect more than anything

I am sitting here feeling less alone. I have managed to convince myself that I am not in love with my best friend, that we are just good friends. I wish I could fix it. I wish I could just stop feeling this way. I feel hopeless and sad... but reading your story made me feel that I am the only one in the world going through this, I don't know what I'm going to do but thank you for sharing this.

Clearly, friends who become lovers do not end up friends after the break up and not being friends, becoming lovers has a better chance of being friends,., Sometimes, when we admit our feelings to other people, we prepare ourselves for the unexpected but surprisingly we still get totally hurt,., Other times also, we just pray that "I shouldn't have to him or her that I love her more than friends,.," Most of the time, this situation ruins the friendship,., But people say, if you don't tell him or her now, when? Love is really cruel and it gambles with people's hearts,., But I know that you'll find someone else,., All of us are destined to meet that someone who's for us,.,