I Knew Better

Started so simple. We both just wanted sex. We didn't live near one another. It worked well. Then he started talking to me. Everyday. Good morning. Sleep well. Thinking of you. And I resisted him. I wasn't ready. He knew it. He didn't want love either.
Then he became thoughtful. Sweet. Bought me gifts.

He cared about me.

He told me repeatedly we weren't in a serious relationship. He didn't love me. But actions speak louder than words. I would ask my friends if I was crazy to think he had fallen for me, and they were stunned at how he treated me - so sweet and loving, but verbally pushed me away. I ended up in the hospital (the psych ward - long story) and he came to see me every day. Called me several times a day. Comforted me. Supported me. Told me everything would be ok.

And I fell for him. I told him so. And he said he loved me too. What started as casual sex turned into friends with benefits and blossomed into love. We had fun together, had quiet together, it was wonderful.

Until after a tough day he told me he didn't really really love me. He cared a lot about me, but not in the way he thought I cared about him.

So I pulled away. Gave him more space than he already had. And he eventually saw that he didn't need me. Took me on a sweet romantic date. Made love to me. And told me he never wanted to see me again while we were basking in the glow of sex.

I'd never felt so used. So betrayed.

It feels like I repulse him now. Like the very thought of me makes him angry or disgusted.

I don't understand how after so long a man can say I love you and in a short period of time tell you to go away and ignore you completely.
sassyg1rl sassyg1rl
46-50, F
1 Response Sep 8, 2012

he was confused the whole time with what he wants and needs. he is a jerk though for ending things that way. i frel for you.. please be strong to put him behind you.