Not Like It's The First...

It's not like it's the first time. I've loved without being loved back several times before. You'd think those previous times would make this time easier, help me better deal with it. But it's not working out that way.
Times alone are the worst. Thoughts and memories of her rise to the front of my consciousness. And I hate that, because I value my time alone. It gives me the freedom to think and do as I please for a while without having to explain anything. It is a time for me to reflect, look inward, be at peace. But not now.
I haven't re-read our emails or looked at her pictures, but I haven't worked up the courage to delete them either. Perhaps I should turn that sentence around, save what little bit of positive there is in it for last. "I haven't worked up the courage to delete our emails or her pictures, but at least I have resisted the temptation to re-read the emails and look at her pictures."
1step4ward 1step4ward
61-65, M
Sep 24, 2012