Ben.

Perfection. That's the first thought of him that came to mind when i first met him. My type to the T. Dark features, built up from long hours at the gym, broad shoulders and god was he tall(6'7). I was 19 working at a small store as a customer service rep. When he came in the air went out. He knew exactly what he was doing. So smooth, all the right things to say and when he found out i was 19,that sealed the deal for him. Come to find out he's pushing 30. Despite my instincts i go out with him after a week of texts and calls and have the time of my life. He blew me away, i had never felt so alive. Still haven't. We go out a few times and then he turns hot and cold. All about me one week, gone the next two. And the next time i saw him i explained my frustrations and he apologized said he was caught up at work blah blah. As the night goes on and I'm having an incredible time as usual he tells me he's falling for me. I swear you don't need drugs to get as high as i was feeling. Truth was i had already fallen but he didn't need to know that yet. The night ends well and I'm on cloud 9. And i never hear from him again. Needless to say i was crushed, confused, pissed. But smart enough to not try to contact him ever again. I'm 21 now and he still creeps into my mind. His memory is a mix of the best times I've ever had, a rush of pure happiness with anger, because to this day i don't understand, i have no closure. I understand if you want to be a "player", to date casually with no commitment, whatever. But don't tell me your falling for me don't make me feel like I'm the only one don't say things you absolutely do not mean. I sum it up to being a womanizer, to having no conciounce or regard for other peoples feeling. I hate him, or i want to, but mostly i just want to know why? I know i will never have that answer and if I'm honest with myself i don't think i want the real answer. It was just a game. A game that i lost but i didn't want to end.
mcm42291 mcm42291
18-21, F
1 Response Sep 24, 2012

i guess it's the worst feeling. you're in the climax of the relationship, he blew you away and you're feeling like a fool desperately in love bec. he told you those 3 words. you started caring and then he would grow cold and you're left with all the why's and what if's on your mind. there are things that you don't want to continue, but u are afraid to end, it's just like you dont want to expect anything but ur still willing to wait. bittersweet. good luck girl.