I Loved Someone That Didn't Love Me
It's not an easy process so if anyone tells you it is, it doesn't matter how long or how short you lasted, the thing is you were together and there were memories and that makes it hard... It's usually the small ones that pain the most...
Small but the impact is huge, or the ones you never really thought of and then BANG hehehe it all comes flooding back.. How bout all the hopes for the future you held, it's hard letting go of all that.. It's not impossible, its just hard.
You sometimes sit there and all you do is hurt yourself, because the harder you try not to think of it the easier it is to. It sucks also being with someone else, because there is always those familiar traits that the one before had that keeps popping up, like take me for example I had my first kiss with the most recent one and now I can't kiss anybody honestly... Guys try but my heart hurts and I back up... all you do is get scared, because you knew, you know exactly what happend the last time you went there and you're still dealing with the aftermath of losing such a precious moment and experience...
My advice is learn... Be strong, not weak. You're worth more than that... Don't settle for anything smaller this time around... RESPECT yourself and know that it just wasn't meant to be and there is someone out there who is MEANT TO love you enough to fight... Someone who will love just as much... Accept what you don't have and cherish what you do... Even if they are just memories, but do not be held back or down by them. You are more than those memories... You still have a future, with you happy in it.
Love is still there... In you ~smiles~ you'll get over him... Don't worry, it feels like it's impossible, but it is possible... Eventually one day you will stop thinking about the memories.. Eventually you'll be surprised at the fact that you don't jump at the mention or sight of him... Eventually you will feel love and you will strugle to remember him... How it was and how it isn't... It's not easy... It's doable!![]()
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Would just like to deeply thank everyone whose commented on this story. Its such a blessing hearing all your thoughts and experiences on this subject. Its been 3yrs now since I wrote this story and it's always helped me out through my many breakups and searching for love in the past... Now I just want to share the end result of this story.... It won't happen like this for everyone. But is hopeful. My Greatest result is learning the importance of me... Now I'm getting married next month. All thoughts of this story behind me now.And its not that I found someone to love me, but I finally found love in me after everything.
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& 4yrs later... im back looking at this story and your comments, finding that much needed guidance I once sought out so long ago, hehe welcome to life, it's not always smooth sailing and not every path is what you expect or hope for it to be... I'm feeling the encouragement to make that hard yet at times embarrassing decision to walk away from something that is not good for me.... For the past few months I've been challenging my heart to love & love beyond my hurt by sticking it out, and finding that in the end I challenge the very definition of my own love for myself & no I'm not being selfish or up myself, I am just finally being realistic with myself... Just because you love someone, does not mean "that someone" has the right or benefit of mistreating you over & over again... I know people say relationships are hard, its not perfect all the time, you will argue, and it just takes time and understanding, but know when to recognise when its "good" for you or "bad", recognise if its really worth losing yourself over! If you're both growing and getting better then by all means don't be led by your hurt to make a hasty regretful decision... But in my case if you find you are both stunted in your growth and causing more damage then good to one another, sometimes its just best to cut your losses & draw your limit especially when you've passed all reasonable doubt as they say in the law books..
Right now I'm at that stand point that i've questioned his love and my love for myself for far too long now... When you have to question the love you share constantly and you find that you still don't have that much needed answer you so strongly deserve from that one person or yourself, then its time... Idk what the future holds and just like a lot of you and myself from way back, I am afraid to face change in my pathways and in seeking a new future, but you know what I've come to terms with after reading your comments, I've learnt and you will still continue to learn that, as long as you have that strong respect and insight of yourself to love/respect yourself beyond all hurt, you will be just fine, because you know just like I know, we all deserve to be loved and respected in the end... Yet again let me end this off in encouraging you to learn, to persevere in your own growth in maybe not waiting for that perfect person, but in making yourself the perfect person for the one you are waiting/searching for, as the author Terry Bams encourages " If you want CHANGE you have to take THE RISK To do BETTER, and RISK IT ALL TO HAVE BETTER!" In love there is always a risk... ITS NOT EASY, but IT is TRULY DOABLE!!!
~ LadySoulist