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Getting Over Someone Is Not Easy...

It's not an easy process so if anyone tells you it is, it doesn't matter how long or how short you lasted, the thing is you were together and there were memories and that makes it hard... It's usually the small ones that pain the most...

Small but the impact is huge, or the ones you never really thought of and then BANG hehehe it all comes flooding back.. How bout all the hopes for the future you held, it's hard letting go of all that.. It's not impossible, its just hard.

You sometimes sit there and all you do is hurt yourself, because the harder you try not to think of it the easier it is to. It sucks also being with someone else, because there is always those familiar traits that the one before had that keeps popping up, like take me for example I had my first kiss with the most recent one and now I can't kiss anybody honestly... Guys try but my heart hurts and I back up... all you do is get scared, because you knew, you know exactly what happend the last time you went there and you're still dealing with the aftermath of losing such a  precious moment and experience...

My advice is learn... Be strong, not weak. You're worth more than that... Don't settle for anything smaller this time around... RESPECT yourself and know that it just wasn't meant to be and there is someone out there who is MEANT TO love you enough to fight... Someone who will love just as much... Accept what you don't have and cherish what you do... Even if they are just memories, but do not be held back or down by them. You are more than those memories... You still have a future, with you happy in it.

Love is still there... In you ~smiles~ you'll get over him... Don't worry, it feels like it's impossible, but it is possible... Eventually one day you will stop thinking about the memories.. Eventually you'll be surprised at the fact that you don't jump at the mention or sight of him... Eventually you will feel love and you will strugle to remember him... How it was and how it isn't... It's not easy... It's doable!



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Would just like to deeply thank everyone whose commented on this story. Its such a blessing hearing all your thoughts and experiences on this subject. Its been 3yrs now since I wrote this story and it's always helped me out through my many breakups and searching for love in the past... Now I just want to share the end result of this story.... It won't happen like this for everyone. But is hopeful. My Greatest result is learning the importance of me... Now I'm getting married next month. All thoughts of this story behind me now.And its not that I found someone to love me, but I finally found love in me after everything.

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& 4yrs later... im back looking at this story and your comments, finding that much needed guidance I once sought out so long ago, hehe welcome to life, it's not always smooth sailing and not every path is what you expect or hope for it to be... I'm feeling the encouragement to make that hard yet at times embarrassing decision to walk away from something that is not good for me.... For the past few months I've been challenging my heart to love & love beyond my hurt by sticking it out, and finding that in the end I challenge the very definition of my own love for myself & no I'm not being selfish or up myself, I am just finally being realistic with myself... Just because you love someone, does not mean "that someone" has the right or benefit of mistreating you over & over again... I know people say relationships are hard, its not perfect all the time, you will argue, and it just takes time and understanding, but know when to recognise when its "good" for you or "bad", recognise if its really worth losing yourself over! If you're both growing and getting better then by all means don't be led by your hurt to make a hasty regretful decision... But in my case if you find you are both stunted in your growth and causing more damage then good to one another, sometimes its just best to cut your losses & draw your limit especially when you've passed all reasonable doubt as they say in the law books..

Right now I'm at that stand point that i've questioned his love and my love for myself for far too long now... When you have to question the love you share constantly and you find that you still don't have that much needed  answer you so strongly deserve from that one person or yourself, then its time... Idk what the future holds and just like a lot of you and myself from way back, I am afraid to face change in my pathways and in seeking a new future, but you know what I've come to terms with after reading your comments, I've learnt and you will still continue to learn that, as long as you have that strong respect and insight of yourself to love/respect yourself beyond all hurt, you will be just fine, because you know just like I know, we all deserve to be loved and respected in the end... Yet again let me end this off in encouraging you to learn, to persevere in your own growth in maybe not waiting for that perfect person, but in making yourself the perfect person for the one you are waiting/searching for, as the author Terry Bams encourages " If you want CHANGE you have to take THE RISK To do BETTER, and RISK IT ALL TO HAVE BETTER!" In love there is always a risk... ITS NOT EASY,  but IT is TRULY DOABLE!!!

~ LadySoulist

LadySoulist LadySoulist 22-25, F 93 Responses Jul 10, 2008

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Thank you. Your story is reassuring :) It is hard letting go of someone you care about.. even though your situation has come to a difficult point, I am glad you are respectful and compassionate towards yourself and aware of what you need.



After going through a break-up recently, I've had the urge to go back.. it's funny that I'd want to go back even though I know I didn't like how I was being treated... I felt like I was being taken for granted.. and it was evident that we were looking for different kinds of relationships.

I know I don't need this person to be happy. I know I can't change his mind. So, I might as well move along.. let go.. Some people are able to move on quickly. Other people, not so much... "Easier said than done" can apply to many people. But like you also said, it's doable - that I believe very much! :)



I am learning to respect and love myself while becoming the best person I can be.



Growing and changing for the better :)

I found community to be the most important thing. EXaholics.com has been a true lifesaver.

Idk, took me 3 months after 14 years of relation

Though it was a best friend, and not a girlfriend

Thank you so much, i'm currently trying to figure out what to do with my circumstances. I'm with a man that says he loves me, but lives his life why i spend mine waiting for him to summon me. I want to be happy, and I want someone who will cherish my love as well. I want someone who wishes to be with me and longs for my companionship like I long for theirs. I want a real best friend, not a fake one. I don't want to be on a shelf collecting dust.

thank you so much... you were the confirmationi needed in a very hard decision i have to make so thank you in return for sharing.

well said words...

I'm going through the same thing two years now it hurts so bad

Everything you wrote was exactly what i needed to read. Thank you. And congrats on getting married(:

I'm glad I read this post, it has helped a little. The memories still hanging on, and I miss her so much. I don't understand how someone could say they love you, and leave the next day.

I understand you so well, almost a year after my ex and I broke up Im still struggling to move on. I loved him very much but I guess he didnt love me as much. He wanted to stay friends but I refused. He didnt deserve my love nor my friendship. I miss him everyday and think about him. He hurt me so much and I still dont know exactly why it all happened. He was selfish and a coward. I guess Im better of but still hurts so bad.

I love some one but after 15 break ups dust of the 14th one haunts me.

thank you! for making me realize that he's the only man in this world.

but i really love him

we just broke up yesterday. everyday we hang-out with our friends.

and so on. suddenly i got sick for 1 week nd i started going back to school again.

we held hands when we were both standing on the door. he was supposed to go home that time. but he didn't he'd go home late. it happens on thursday Afternoon. when we both eating "kwek2" ( burger with egg ) we held hands that time.

and suddenly on friday on lunch time he says to me he want break up. cause he dont have time to me anymore. but he really did have time to me. actually i think this for a minute that he'd seen a new girl when i got sick. hmpp. it really pains me alot.

i dated this guy and he was my first love. i put this front on for my friends because they hate him for what he did to me. I pretend like i hate him too, pretend that i can't stand being in the same vecinity as him but in all truth i miss him, and i think about him everyday. i need to get over him but i don't know how. HELP!

Great story, you explained things so perfectly. I'm still working on getting over my ex so it helps to read your post.

Thank you so much for sharing this.

WOW, just found this post, but you were right on then, and right on now. Congrats on finding the love in you, and your marriage.

OMG. This so true. This be like the story of my life, and things. All that time, energy, money, emotion, love, my self I done waste on mens who ain't never appreciate me or nothing I had ever did for them. I ain't perfect, and I done made mistakes, like all people do and had done did and always will do, but I ain't the ugliest, meanest, rottenest old hag out there, neither. I am pissed off with how I done been treated and mistreated, and used and used up, and trashed by them men what Ain't Worth ****, and Who Done Waste MY TIME, hurt Me, Hurt My Feelings, gone and talk about Me, make up lies, trash talking, those cheap *** sorry Loser Big BAbies Sexist Misogynistic Peter Pan Syndrome Lousy Lay Boring Selfish Lovers Who Is So Immature And Always On The Lookout For Some Perfect Fantasy Person What Don't Exist, and Even if And When They Think They Done Fount That Person They Sooner Or Later Gone Find Faults And Flaws Wit Them Too. And These Men, They Got Insecurity Complex, Too, Even Though It Hard To See It In Some More Than Other Of Them. And All Them Done Waste My TIMe and Better Years, Messing with Me, My Heart, My Head, My Life, And Oh yes, MY LIFE. And Ima Gonna Skin Every DAMN One Of Them And Lots More Ppl Alive. And Other Things. Or Other Things. And It Ain't Going To Be Pretty. And I Ain't Lyin', Neither. HeHeHe.

sometimes when looking through EP we find just the perfect thing we need to read at just the right time. This is one for me. I seem to get stuck in memories of people that I know that I wasn't meant to be with, but still, a memory pops up and I sit and think about how this could have been diffierent or I could have done this and maybe it would have made it all different. And maybe he was my one but me being me I didnt do or say the right thing so I messed it all up. Then I read this, and it just reminded me of what I already knew....what I would try to make someone else understand. Thank you.

Thank You for this article. It was well written and helpful. I recently went through something similar and every person I talked to just told me that "I needed to get over it." I didn't know what to do or how to put it in words. You summed up everything nicely, and I now know what I should do. You have helped me so much. I want to wish you all the best on your search for the right person. You will find them soon.

well its true i have been through it, i loved my bf he rejected me bcus i used to talk about my ex he hated me, left me moved on, i kept waiting for him,saw him with other women,marriage divorce,remarriage but he never understood. nd keep coming bck to me when he was lonely and moved bck when he was relaxed, i kept on hoping for a miracle, he came bck again 6 yrs after NC asking for forgiveness we talked and i realized he nvr loved me it was a illusion, i fought with him last night asked him y he nvr loved him, then realized i nvr moved on In NC i was just hiding my true feelings but i now realize i have to move on but the worst part is i have promised to be friends with him so i have to listen when he talks abt his wife who also dnt love him, destiny is now playing a game with him.

Thank you for sharing. From what I know from previous breakups, you will eventually get over them once time passes that allow you to have a more unbiased view of the relationships, the good, the bad and the ugly of sorts.



Yes, it is challenging to the best of us. The overwhelming memories and emotions just kill.



I agree.

wow !When i tell u its so true it truely takes time to heal . It has been 2 months for me and iam not going to lie i still think of him. But what i did realize that iam so much better with out him then with him.An its his lose not mine, I had to realize that i am truely queen looking for my king an i no longer have time to waste on a frog.lol ! ladys no that you are to bless to be stress.

Thank you for your writing. I know many people must have been through bad breakups, but it is hard not to concentrate on myself. Since I separated from him, I just feel miserable, like my life is just sad, is never gonna be perfect without him. Funny because I had been single all my life before I met him and I was happy before. Funny how I became single again and find it hard to be happy on my own. I know the point is I have to accept the fact that I cant have him, but somehow it is hard to control what you feel, I guess. I dont even know why I feel so miserable, knowing that we cannot be together anyway, and that I will find someone better.

I guess time will heal it.

You are so so so right.. it is doable. I never thought I would get over my love (to see the sotry look at my page).... but I find each day gets easier... some days I still cry but not as much.. I knwo one day it will be easier.... one day the pain will be easier to deal with...

Bunch of crap, if you really loved someone you never get over it. So dont go falling in love because love doesnt love you. Love is a curse! How the hell can it be a blessing when someone always ends up hurt? Find'em, ****'em, & flee

Thanks so much for the post, I am going through something similar (the story is on my profile) and its the hardest thing I have gone through. Some days I panic because I feel so so so lost......... I just want him back but he said "i love you but right now im not in love with you".... its like a knife pierced my soul...

If love feels like this I don't want to bother with it.. But Kahlil Gibran explains everything beautifully, explicitly. Read it.. http://www.katsandogz.com/onlove.html



Yes, it hurts. I had tears running down my face after I read it because it is the Truth. The Truth Always Hurts. But we still have the choice to learn from it, be guided by it, live with it. And Live It.



Take your time. You may never recover from this. There will be a part of you that will always hurt. The most important thing is that you continue growing as a person.

When I was 8, my family and I went camping in the Yorkshire Dales one summer. I made friends with a boy called Charlie, who asked me one day, ‘Will you be my girlfriend?’ Not quite knowing what to do, I said, ‘Wait here’ and made him wait under a tree on the hillside while I ran all the way back down and never came back.



12 years later, I found myself on the receiving end of a 2 year guilty infatuation with a guy I’ll call Tom. I finally plucked up the courage one day to call him and declare my love, but sensing where the conversation was heading, he changed the subject and told me a story...



http://clareactman22.blogspot.com/

It's been (almost) exactly 5 years and although I now know that I am better off without him, I still want my old life back because I've lost too much and now I'm in such a way that I can't regain what's been lost,

I think it was the loss of my former life that I was so miserable about losing. yes, it was devastating to be no longer cared about by someone who vowed to always take care of me and it's hard to accept that I was rejected and not wanted but after all that goes away, it's the fact that I contributed a lot of effort, time and money (just to name a few) and I caused physical detriment to myself because I was under the strong impression that all the sacrifices I was making, all the hard work and lack of consideration for my own personal self was in exchange for a secure future. Sorry if I fail at making this analogy make sense or hard to follow but I sowed my seeds and now i should at least have a bed in which to lay.

It's been 5 years and I still wish he hadn't of left when I needed him most, I still miss how we were and how bright our future was looking (even though it was obviously a lie) but more than anything else I am pissed off that he has a young girlfriend he plans to marry, he has a child, he has a business, he has a new home, a vehicle that he can afford to insure, money in the bank, money to go out, money to buy everything they need and a lot of what they want but I can't even afford the bare necessities.

They are benefiting from all of my hard work and sacrifices. I pushed myself so hard that I broke myself and now will probably never fully recover from this spinal injury. Rather than be selfish and do what was necessary per my rehabilitation I worked a very stressful and demanding job and then worked at our business, causing me to stress more, sleep less, etc.

WTF!!!



But why don't I do whatever I can to destroy the person who destroyed me?



Because I would be cutting off my nose to spite my face.

I would end up destroying him and that would cause detriment to his parents, his girlfriend and his lovely, adorable child. At the end he probably wouldn't be able to afford to keep his vehicle gassed up in case his child needed emergency medical care so he probably wouldn't be able to afford to make any payments towards what is owed to me.



I have so much more to say but I fear I've already gone off topic and talked too much..

Now I will force myself to step away from the computer and walk away for at least a little while.

sorry

Yeah its hard to forget, cuz u go all in, u give ur heart away to that person. It hurts when refused in return. Sometimes i wonder, is there really someone that is special for me, that will fall in love with me? I heard lot of people say that u will find that special person, but what does it take, a lifetime?

I loved a girl and she just lied to me that she does that . It went on for sometime and then i was told that she doesnt love me or anything , it was just sympathies

I do agree with you completely bcoz its not the noise the hurts u but its the silence of loved one which hurt u badly and very deeply...



But one should try to 4get the past and try to live happily ,