Getting Over Someone Is Not Easy...

It's not an easy process so if anyone tells you it is, it doesn't matter how long or how short you lasted, the thing is you were together and there were memories and that makes it hard... It's usually the small ones that pain the most...

Small but the impact is huge, or the ones you never really thought of and then BANG hehehe it all comes flooding back.. How bout all the hopes for the future you held, it's hard letting go of all that.. It's not impossible, its just hard.

You sometimes sit there and all you do is hurt yourself, because the harder you try not to think of it the easier it is to. It sucks also being with someone else, because there is always those familiar traits that the one before had that keeps popping up, like take me for example I had my first kiss with the most recent one and now I can't kiss anybody honestly... Guys try but my heart hurts and I back up... all you do is get scared, because you knew, you know exactly what happend the last time you went there and you're still dealing with the aftermath of losing such a  precious moment and experience...

My advice is learn... Be strong, not weak. You're worth more than that... Don't settle for anything smaller this time around... RESPECT yourself and know that it just wasn't meant to be and there is someone out there who is MEANT TO love you enough to fight... Someone who will love just as much... Accept what you don't have and cherish what you do... Even if they are just memories, but do not be held back or down by them. You are more than those memories... You still have a future, with you happy in it.

Love is still there... In you ~smiles~ you'll get over him... Don't worry, it feels like it's impossible, but it is possible... Eventually one day you will stop thinking about the memories.. Eventually you'll be surprised at the fact that you don't jump at the mention or sight of him... Eventually you will feel love and you will strugle to remember him... How it was and how it isn't... It's not easy... It's doable!


Would just like to deeply thank everyone whose commented on this story. Its such a blessing hearing all your thoughts and experiences on this subject. Its been 3yrs now since I wrote this story and it's always helped me out through my many breakups and searching for love in the past... Now I just want to share the end result of this story.... It won't happen like this for everyone. But is hopeful. My Greatest result is learning the importance of me... Now I'm getting married next month. All thoughts of this story behind me now.And its not that I found someone to love me, but I finally found love in me after everything.


& 4yrs later... im back looking at this story and your comments, finding that much needed guidance I once sought out so long ago, hehe welcome to life, it's not always smooth sailing and not every path is what you expect or hope for it to be... I'm feeling the encouragement to make that hard yet at times embarrassing decision to walk away from something that is not good for me.... For the past few months I've been challenging my heart to love & love beyond my hurt by sticking it out, and finding that in the end I challenge the very definition of my own love for myself & no I'm not being selfish or up myself, I am just finally being realistic with myself... Just because you love someone, does not mean "that someone" has the right or benefit of mistreating you over & over again... I know people say relationships are hard, its not perfect all the time, you will argue, and it just takes time and understanding, but know when to recognise when its "good" for you or "bad", recognise if its really worth losing yourself over! If you're both growing and getting better then by all means don't be led by your hurt to make a hasty regretful decision... But in my case if you find you are both stunted in your growth and causing more damage then good to one another, sometimes its just best to cut your losses & draw your limit especially when you've passed all reasonable doubt as they say in the law books..

Right now I'm at that stand point that i've questioned his love and my love for myself for far too long now... When you have to question the love you share constantly and you find that you still don't have that much needed  answer you so strongly deserve from that one person or yourself, then its time... Idk what the future holds and just like a lot of you and myself from way back, I am afraid to face change in my pathways and in seeking a new future, but you know what I've come to terms with after reading your comments, I've learnt and you will still continue to learn that, as long as you have that strong respect and insight of yourself to love/respect yourself beyond all hurt, you will be just fine, because you know just like I know, we all deserve to be loved and respected in the end... Yet again let me end this off in encouraging you to learn, to persevere in your own growth in maybe not waiting for that perfect person, but in making yourself the perfect person for the one you are waiting/searching for, as the author Terry Bams encourages " If you want CHANGE you have to take THE RISK To do BETTER, and RISK IT ALL TO HAVE BETTER!" In love there is always a risk... ITS NOT EASY,  but IT is TRULY DOABLE!!!

~ LadySoulist

LadySoulist LadySoulist
22-25, F
92 Responses Jul 10, 2008

i can relate to you're relationship i have been liking this guy for many years ,since about 1989 then i found out that he was married, ok i then excepted him as a friend ,then years went by i then found out that me and his birthday was the same day then me and him and my family ,went out to celebrate are birthday that year, together still really liking this guy,but i was already in a relationship and the other guy kind of had a feeling i was liking him,but i denied it. i did'nt want to hurt the guy that i was in a relationship with,then one day i was riding down the street and heard someone calling my name and i backed back and there ,he was again,then someone had given him my address guest what he was in jail when he wrote me.i then start writting him and he came ,home from jail in 2000, and i started bcak being with him again,then he lived in kenosha with a woman i found that out,then he ask me to come and get him ,i went over their and he told me ,that he could'nt leave his kids ,but mind you he left them and went to prison ,but i had lo9ved that man for many years, then i did 5yr's with him in jail,maid sure he had everything tv ,radio and the first night he came home going somewhere ,he should'nt of been and reck ,his mother's car ,first night out .so then he baught me a car and then he sold it. my son saw him with a lady in the car, on are birthday he disappeared in the bar from everyone,my son put him out of my house after all i done for him ,he don't even call and ask how i'm please don't loose no sleep cause of a looser,my saying is that,it's you're gain and his lost forget him i did ,he made me stronger and better, and i loved the lord and when he want me to have someone ,i'll wait on him to send the right man, you don't need to even worry ,cause what he have done to you ,someone gone do it to him,hold you're head -up-and those memories are just what they are memories leave them their.bless you, it's gone be alrigth....dianemoss

Wow, that really made me feel hopeful.

well written..its true...

My names Joseph, I think my self the honest man on the planet, I am honest, educated, very kind and caring man. Then, I met in University campus a girl in my course, we have a relationship for two years. I showed her all my love, my honest, my kind and caring her day and night. But, when i reflect my self, she think my personality as a fool man. who would not understand any thing. she is using all my money day and night. <br />
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Then she is swearing to me most of the time, i hate swearing and talking F words, and i am not kind of that person. <br />
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In conclusion, i was needed a change, one night i take a decision in my life, i break up her relationship, i get another girl, she is changed my life, she is very kind and caring girl, i love her personality and the way she behave. At the moment she is the women in my life and i love more than my life. therefore, we need a change. change is based on human development.

That was beautifully written. It is so true. It takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them and an entire lifetime to forget them.

That was really good and it really hit home for me but ur rite and everything happens for reason, and if you are meant to be with that person than you will end up with that person if not then you will end up with somebody better!

i moved on. it doesn't kill you...REALLY. you think it will BUT IT DOESN'T...why? BECAUSE TIME KEEPS time moves YOUR FEELINGS CHANGE...ta da! done.

I'm sure theres alot of us that went through the heart ache and pain of losing the love of your life and I hear and read this saying that I'll never love another one like that agaion. The thing is, you won't because each one is unique and different. each of them offwer somthing different and new. The point is life has to go on. Why should any of you just stand idley by when the person that left is having him or herself a ball? I went through this a long time ago and I come to this conclution that each person you encounter is only a templet to somthing special in the future. Those of you who hang on this long will eventually lose themselves. is it worth holding onto somthing that may not come back? Its like that song I can't recall the musciian, I can't make you,love me if you don't, you can't make your heart feel somthing it won't. In other words, its time to clean the house and make room for somthing much better. keep the door to your heart open, the right perosn will come to the door. leave the past behind you, learn from it and move on, never close your heart off, leave the door open because the right one will come to your door way to your heart.<br />
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To all of you who has gone throuhg this, my heart is with you always

I can't make you love me by Bonnie Raitt

We are really related before!But now it is totaly a new me...I was like a new born baby but have a very lot of knowledge can be share about love life!<br />
God Bless!

Thanks to all of u for sharing your feelings and thoughts because you give hope to others that this heart ache and pain wont last forever..<br />
i really hope time will heal every wound and scar am left with

There is nothing so sweet as unrequited love's assault of precious memories like a rose's thorn.

its soo truee! i just hate when your getting over that one person and when you feel like you dont have to cry anymore for them. they come back. and you cant help but start crying all over especially when they leave again and again which means theyre never going to stay. thiss was EXTREMELY similar to me and it inspired mee A LOT. i loved it

Good advice.<br />
One thing I tell my friends when they are really bad, is ok -----, be unhappy do not smile go through life expect to be unhappy no smiling no laughing another t journal it write all those feelings down you are in essence emptying yourself of the poison another join a prayer chain i like

i am in love with someone who love somebody. that somebody is a friend. it's painful knowing that he chose someone instead of you. it's most painful if he let's you fell deeply in love with him then dumped you suddenly. until now, i haven't recovered yet. i no longer feel the pain but i am numbed.

i am in love with someone who love somebody. that somebody is a friend. it's painful knowing that he chose someone instead of you. it's most painful if he let's you fell deeply in love with him then dumped you suddenly. until now, i haven't recovered yet. i no longer feel the pain but i am numbed.

I lost myself in love and now I don't know who I am anymore. This person I fell in love with means the world to me, but I didn't mean enough for him to make it work. Those words he said when he left "I can't lie to you anymoire", "I'm not completely sure if I love you" "I don't want commitment" "I don't love you enough", I'll never forget them, I can still hear him saying them. I know I made mistakes, and I know he did. I know we're not meant to be together, but I'd do everything to spend one more night in his arms.. It's been 2 months now since we broke up and it's so hard not to have contact, especially cause he really doesn't care wether we talk or not. I just want to be in his life, I don't want him to forget about me, cause I can't forget about him. Love is hard and unfair, but I know we all will meet that special someone one day and everything will be fine, that is just not helping me getting through the days right now.. time is going slow and I am so incredibly hurt.

I totally understand how you feel missyou... It's now my 2nd time around with breaking up... It's so hard... Mine was horrible... He said he loved me like he was keeping me on a string...But then left me... Continueing with his charade of love... But saying things were bigger than me and him and thats why we couldn't be... Idk what to think... I've moved on but I hape this gaping hole now in my heart... It hurts...

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hi hope you are fine just stay strong and focus and not look back ,but the comfort that i can tell you about is jesus ,he won't leave nor for sake you ,maybe you're looking for the wrong man ,see if god did'nt join you together with that person ,my beliefe that it won't last anyway ,cause living with a man and not married to him you're committing a big{sin} so a undivivded house will not stand anyway,maybe the lord is speaking to you and trying for you to have a better life by giving it to him ,is this you're husband or boyfriend , hope you 're not angry by my response ;bless you anyway. just pray i had a no good man also waited 5yr's for him ,he's now maried wow i said but i have to keep it moving ,and you also something better for you ,you will be ok ,i asure you, you're gain his lost ,hold you're head up bless you.amen.diane moss---wish you luck

Great advice. Time heals this kind of pain, but it does sometimes take a very long time. The pain can be awful, but because of this it is also an opportunity for growth and enlightenment. Start smiling and look for the deeper happiness that is already within you.

My ex never told me he doesn't love me....only that "we don't work" or that he needs time. We see eachother every day and never say a word. He hates me now, for not talking to him. I tried to explain how it all felt, but he blamed me. I tried to tell him I still love him, but he didn't believe it. He hates me for not wanting friendship, but I can't be his friend. I'm at the stage where all I can do is wait for it to pass. Wait until I have healed.

The problem is if you try to entirely break from the person.<br />
Instead keep a good relation, be good friends.

It doesn't always work like that. Sometimes there's too much history for you not cross that line.

Oh , hell we all lose; we all win; it only matters how we deal with it; deal with dignity; be happy; easy said and easy done

That was just what I needed to hear

thank u. i really needed this.

Smile when some1 hurts u, Smile bcoz some1 still wants 2 c u SMILING !!

Thank you for somewhat helps. This past week the man that I had been looking for all my life and that I found left me. He went back to his ex as he felt she fitted into his family.<br />
I am indian and muslim, he was white and he felt his family would not accept me.<br />
His excuse was that he envisaged a forward life full of obstacles and that he could not bear being with me but away from his family.<br />
The irony in all this is he said so many things, he promised to never hurt me, he said he loved me and will always love me but he lacked the courage.<br />
He was perfect, even now trying to find fault in him is hard. He romanced me, loved me for me. He never critisized me. I have come from that, I was always told I was ugly and fat and the rest.<br />
He joked as he said he was my blue eyed boy, my prince.<br />
He chased, I was reserved at first but the attention and care was irreristable.<br />
I have been married for 7 years, I had not consumated my marriage....shocking hey. Then this man comes into my life and all is amazing.<br />
He said he was not involved with his ex, turns out he still loved her after feeding me the lines of how he could not love her...<br />
I cannot do anything...I was prepared to give up my entire world to be with him. I still am as I need to leave my husband and the shacles of this life. <br />
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I want to scream and shout not for him to come back but for this pain to go...the feeling of being ill that I allowed myself to fall so hard...I cherish the memories but I am trying to forget and it keeps coming back. Everytime I see another couple holding and kissing.<br />
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I want it gone, I want to wake up one morning and not think of him or want to call him.<br />
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He wanted to be friends, I don't know if I can do that. What's worse is he still has a book of mine that has sentimental value so how do I get it back?

What a wise woman your mom was to have given you that advice. I am newly hurt. I fell in love with a younger man and am devastated by his departure and false promises.<br />
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I will take your advice (that of your mom's) and try and create new memories for myself.<br />
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Thanks for sharing such an intimate part of your life.<br />
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Bev, you have friends all around you to help you with that process. EP is great place to share and receive. We all hurt in many ways but we try to heal ourselves. Wish you luck.<br />
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Lady S. you wrote this story few years back wonder how you are doing now. <br />
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Thank you so much for your post. I really appreciated your thoughts as i can relate to them and it does bring relief. I'm in the process of separating from my husband and at the moment, I constantly think about why I wasn't good enough...blah..blah..really negative thoughts. But what gets me through is that I say to myself that in a couple of years time, I wouldnt hurt this much. But between now and that point, I'm at loss how to deal with the everyday things..your post helped me that though.

@lilbrunette, visit EP more often, it grows on you and you won't hurt as much. Lot's of nice folks around to keep you busy and occupied.

I do agree with you completely bcoz its not the noise the hurts u but its the silence of loved one which hurt u badly and very deeply... <br />
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But one should try to 4get the past and try to live happily ,

I loved a girl and she just lied to me that she does that . It went on for sometime and then i was told that she doesnt love me or anything , it was just sympathies

Yeah its hard to forget, cuz u go all in, u give ur heart away to that person. It hurts when refused in return. Sometimes i wonder, is there really someone that is special for me, that will fall in love with me? I heard lot of people say that u will find that special person, but what does it take, a lifetime?

It's been (almost) exactly 5 years and although I now know that I am better off without him, I still want my old life back because I've lost too much and now I'm in such a way that I can't regain what's been lost, <br />
I think it was the loss of my former life that I was so miserable about losing. yes, it was devastating to be no longer cared about by someone who vowed to always take care of me and it's hard to accept that I was rejected and not wanted but after all that goes away, it's the fact that I contributed a lot of effort, time and money (just to name a few) and I caused physical detriment to myself because I was under the strong impression that all the sacrifices I was making, all the hard work and lack of consideration for my own personal self was in exchange for a secure future. Sorry if I fail at making this analogy make sense or hard to follow but I sowed my seeds and now i should at least have a bed in which to lay.<br />
It's been 5 years and I still wish he hadn't of left when I needed him most, I still miss how we were and how bright our future was looking (even though it was obviously a lie) but more than anything else I am pissed off that he has a young girlfriend he plans to marry, he has a child, he has a business, he has a new home, a vehicle that he can afford to insure, money in the bank, money to go out, money to buy everything they need and a lot of what they want but I can't even afford the bare necessities. <br />
They are benefiting from all of my hard work and sacrifices. I pushed myself so hard that I broke myself and now will probably never fully recover from this spinal injury. Rather than be selfish and do what was necessary per my rehabilitation I worked a very stressful and demanding job and then worked at our business, causing me to stress more, sleep less, etc.<br />
WTF!!!<br />
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But why don't I do whatever I can to destroy the person who destroyed me?<br />
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Because I would be cutting off my nose to spite my face. <br />
I would end up destroying him and that would cause detriment to his parents, his girlfriend and his lovely, adorable child. At the end he probably wouldn't be able to afford to keep his vehicle gassed up in case his child needed emergency medical care so he probably wouldn't be able to afford to make any payments towards what is owed to me. <br />
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I have so much more to say but I fear I've already gone off topic and talked too much.. <br />
Now I will force myself to step away from the computer and walk away for at least a little while. <br />

When I was 8, my family and I went camping in the Yorkshire Dales one summer. I made friends with a boy called Charlie, who asked me one day, ‘Will you be my girlfriend?’ Not quite knowing what to do, I said, ‘Wait here’ and made him wait under a tree on the hillside while I ran all the way back down and never came back.<br />
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12 years later, I found myself on the receiving end of a 2 year guilty infatuation with a guy I’ll call Tom. I finally plucked up the courage one day to call him and declare my love, but sensing where the conversation was heading, he changed the subject and told me a story...<br />
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If love feels like this I don't want to bother with it.. But Kahlil Gibran explains everything beautifully, explicitly. Read it..<br />
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Yes, it hurts. I had tears running down my face after I read it because it is the Truth. The Truth Always Hurts. But we still have the choice to learn from it, be guided by it, live with it. And Live It.<br />
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Take your time. You may never recover from this. There will be a part of you that will always hurt. The most important thing is that you continue growing as a person.

Thanks so much for the post, I am going through something similar (the story is on my profile) and its the hardest thing I have gone through. Some days I panic because I feel so so so lost......... I just want him back but he said "i love you but right now im not in love with you".... its like a knife pierced my soul...

Bunch of crap, if you really loved someone you never get over it. So dont go falling in love because love doesnt love you. Love is a curse! How the hell can it be a blessing when someone always ends up hurt? Find'em, ****'em, & flee

You are so so so right.. it is doable. I never thought I would get over my love (to see the sotry look at my page).... but I find each day gets easier... some days I still cry but not as much.. I knwo one day it will be easier.... one day the pain will be easier to deal with...

Thank you for your writing. I know many people must have been through bad breakups, but it is hard not to concentrate on myself. Since I separated from him, I just feel miserable, like my life is just sad, is never gonna be perfect without him. Funny because I had been single all my life before I met him and I was happy before. Funny how I became single again and find it hard to be happy on my own. I know the point is I have to accept the fact that I cant have him, but somehow it is hard to control what you feel, I guess. I dont even know why I feel so miserable, knowing that we cannot be together anyway, and that I will find someone better.<br />
I guess time will heal it.

wow !When i tell u its so true it truely takes time to heal . It has been 2 months for me and iam not going to lie i still think of him. But what i did realize that iam so much better with out him then with him.An its his lose not mine, I had to realize that i am truely queen looking for my king an i no longer have time to waste on a ! ladys no that you are to bless to be stress.

Thank you for sharing. From what I know from previous breakups, you will eventually get over them once time passes that allow you to have a more unbiased view of the relationships, the good, the bad and the ugly of sorts.<br />
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Yes, it is challenging to the best of us. The overwhelming memories and emotions just kill.<br />
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I agree.

well its true i have been through it, i loved my bf he rejected me bcus i used to talk about my ex he hated me, left me moved on, i kept waiting for him,saw him with other women,marriage divorce,remarriage but he never understood. nd keep coming bck to me when he was lonely and moved bck when he was relaxed, i kept on hoping for a miracle, he came bck again 6 yrs after NC asking for forgiveness we talked and i realized he nvr loved me it was a illusion, i fought with him last night asked him y he nvr loved him, then realized i nvr moved on In NC i was just hiding my true feelings but i now realize i have to move on but the worst part is i have promised to be friends with him so i have to listen when he talks abt his wife who also dnt love him, destiny is now playing a game with him.

Thank You for this article. It was well written and helpful. I recently went through something similar and every person I talked to just told me that "I needed to get over it." I didn't know what to do or how to put it in words. You summed up everything nicely, and I now know what I should do. You have helped me so much. I want to wish you all the best on your search for the right person. You will find them soon.

OMG. This so true. This be like the story of my life, and things. All that time, energy, money, emotion, love, my self I done waste on mens who ain't never appreciate me or nothing I had ever did for them. I ain't perfect, and I done made mistakes, like all people do and had done did and always will do, but I ain't the ugliest, meanest, rottenest old hag out there, neither. I am pissed off with how I done been treated and mistreated, and used and used up, and trashed by them men what Ain't Worth ****, and Who Done Waste MY TIME, hurt Me, Hurt My Feelings, gone and talk about Me, make up lies, trash talking, those cheap *** sorry Loser Big BAbies Sexist Misogynistic Peter Pan Syndrome Lousy Lay Boring Selfish Lovers Who Is So Immature And Always On The Lookout For Some Perfect Fantasy Person What Don't Exist, and Even if And When They Think They Done Fount That Person They Sooner Or Later Gone Find Faults And Flaws Wit Them Too. And These Men, They Got Insecurity Complex, Too, Even Though It Hard To See It In Some More Than Other Of Them. And All Them Done Waste My TIMe and Better Years, Messing with Me, My Heart, My Head, My Life, And Oh yes, MY LIFE. And Ima Gonna Skin Every DAMN One Of Them And Lots More Ppl Alive. And Other Things. Or Other Things. And It Ain't Going To Be Pretty. And I Ain't Lyin', Neither. HeHeHe.

WOW, just found this post, but you were right on then, and right on now. Congrats on finding the love in you, and your marriage.

Thank you so much for sharing this.

Great story, you explained things so perfectly. I'm still working on getting over my ex so it helps to read your post.

i dated this guy and he was my first love. i put this front on for my friends because they hate him for what he did to me. I pretend like i hate him too, pretend that i can't stand being in the same vecinity as him but in all truth i miss him, and i think about him everyday. i need to get over him but i don't know how. HELP!

thank you! for making me realize that he's the only man in this world.<br />
but i really love him<br />
we just broke up yesterday. everyday we hang-out with our friends.<br />
and so on. suddenly i got sick for 1 week nd i started going back to school again.<br />
we held hands when we were both standing on the door. he was supposed to go home that time. but he didn't he'd go home late. it happens on thursday Afternoon. when we both eating "kwek2" ( burger with egg ) we held hands that time.<br />
and suddenly on friday on lunch time he says to me he want break up. cause he dont have time to me anymore. but he really did have time to me. actually i think this for a minute that he'd seen a new girl when i got sick. hmpp. it really pains me alot.

I love some one but after 15 break ups dust of the 14th one haunts me.

I understand you so well, almost a year after my ex and I broke up Im still struggling to move on. I loved him very much but I guess he didnt love me as much. He wanted to stay friends but I refused. He didnt deserve my love nor my friendship. I miss him everyday and think about him. He hurt me so much and I still dont know exactly why it all happened. He was selfish and a coward. I guess Im better of but still hurts so bad.

I'm glad I read this post, it has helped a little. The memories still hanging on, and I miss her so much. I don't understand how someone could say they love you, and leave the next day.

Everything you wrote was exactly what i needed to read. Thank you. And congrats on getting married(:

I'm going through the same thing two years now it hurts so bad

well said words...

Thank you so much, i'm currently trying to figure out what to do with my circumstances. I'm with a man that says he loves me, but lives his life why i spend mine waiting for him to summon me. I want to be happy, and I want someone who will cherish my love as well. I want someone who wishes to be with me and longs for my companionship like I long for theirs. I want a real best friend, not a fake one. I don't want to be on a shelf collecting dust.

thank you so much... you were the confirmationi needed in a very hard decision i have to make so thank you in return for sharing.

Idk, took me 3 months after 14 years of relation

Though it was a best friend, and not a girlfriend

Thank you. Your story is reassuring :) It is hard letting go of someone you care about.. even though your situation has come to a difficult point, I am glad you are respectful and compassionate towards yourself and aware of what you need. <br />
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After going through a break-up recently, I've had the urge to go back.. it's funny that I'd want to go back even though I know I didn't like how I was being treated... I felt like I was being taken for granted.. and it was evident that we were looking for different kinds of relationships. <br />
I know I don't need this person to be happy. I know I can't change his mind. So, I might as well move along.. let go.. Some people are able to move on quickly. Other people, not so much... "Easier said than done" can apply to many people. But like you also said, it's doable - that I believe very much! :)<br />
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I am learning to respect and love myself while becoming the best person I can be.<br />
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Growing and changing for the better :)

I found community to be the most important thing. has been a true lifesaver.

We have all loved someone who did not return the love however its part of personal growth. Think kindly about this. Its shows your depth and ability to care and love. Keep searching and allow your self to be open and it will someday be returned.