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Getting Over Someone Is Not Easy...

It's not an easy process so if anyone tells you it is, it doesn't matter how long or how short you lasted, the thing is you were together and there were memories and that makes it hard... It's usually the small ones that pain the most...

Small but the impact is huge, or the ones you never really thought of and then BANG hehehe it all comes flooding back.. How bout all the hopes for the future you held, it's hard letting go of all that.. It's not impossible, its just hard.

You sometimes sit there and all you do is hurt yourself, because the harder you try not to think of it the easier it is to. It sucks also being with someone else, because there is always those familiar traits that the one before had that keeps popping up, like take me for example I had my first kiss with the most recent one and now I can't kiss anybody honestly... Guys try but my heart hurts and I back up... all you do is get scared, because you knew, you know exactly what happend the last time you went there and you're still dealing with the aftermath of losing such a  precious moment and experience...

My advice is learn... Be strong, not weak. You're worth more than that... Don't settle for anything smaller this time around... RESPECT yourself and know that it just wasn't meant to be and there is someone out there who is MEANT TO love you enough to fight... Someone who will love just as much... Accept what you don't have and cherish what you do... Even if they are just memories, but do not be held back or down by them. You are more than those memories... You still have a future, with you happy in it.

Love is still there... In you ~smiles~ you'll get over him... Don't worry, it feels like it's impossible, but it is possible... Eventually one day you will stop thinking about the memories.. Eventually you'll be surprised at the fact that you don't jump at the mention or sight of him... Eventually you will feel love and you will strugle to remember him... How it was and how it isn't... It's not easy... It's doable!



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Would just like to deeply thank everyone whose commented on this story. Its such a blessing hearing all your thoughts and experiences on this subject. Its been 3yrs now since I wrote this story and it's always helped me out through my many breakups and searching for love in the past... Now I just want to share the end result of this story.... It won't happen like this for everyone. But is hopeful. My Greatest result is learning the importance of me... Now I'm getting married next month. All thoughts of this story behind me now.And its not that I found someone to love me, but I finally found love in me after everything.

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& 4yrs later... im back looking at this story and your comments, finding that much needed guidance I once sought out so long ago, hehe welcome to life, it's not always smooth sailing and not every path is what you expect or hope for it to be... I'm feeling the encouragement to make that hard yet at times embarrassing decision to walk away from something that is not good for me.... For the past few months I've been challenging my heart to love & love beyond my hurt by sticking it out, and finding that in the end I challenge the very definition of my own love for myself & no I'm not being selfish or up myself, I am just finally being realistic with myself... Just because you love someone, does not mean "that someone" has the right or benefit of mistreating you over & over again... I know people say relationships are hard, its not perfect all the time, you will argue, and it just takes time and understanding, but know when to recognise when its "good" for you or "bad", recognise if its really worth losing yourself over! If you're both growing and getting better then by all means don't be led by your hurt to make a hasty regretful decision... But in my case if you find you are both stunted in your growth and causing more damage then good to one another, sometimes its just best to cut your losses & draw your limit especially when you've passed all reasonable doubt as they say in the law books..

Right now I'm at that stand point that i've questioned his love and my love for myself for far too long now... When you have to question the love you share constantly and you find that you still don't have that much needed  answer you so strongly deserve from that one person or yourself, then its time... Idk what the future holds and just like a lot of you and myself from way back, I am afraid to face change in my pathways and in seeking a new future, but you know what I've come to terms with after reading your comments, I've learnt and you will still continue to learn that, as long as you have that strong respect and insight of yourself to love/respect yourself beyond all hurt, you will be just fine, because you know just like I know, we all deserve to be loved and respected in the end... Yet again let me end this off in encouraging you to learn, to persevere in your own growth in maybe not waiting for that perfect person, but in making yourself the perfect person for the one you are waiting/searching for, as the author Terry Bams encourages " If you want CHANGE you have to take THE RISK To do BETTER, and RISK IT ALL TO HAVE BETTER!" In love there is always a risk... ITS NOT EASY,  but IT is TRULY DOABLE!!!

~ LadySoulist

LadySoulist LadySoulist 22-25, F 94 Responses Jul 10, 2008

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I just recently threw my boyfriend out three months ago. It was not easy but I always had a funny feeling in the pit of my stomach about him(instinct). I asked him many times if he was cheating on me and he always denied it. You see, he was home every night and on weekends so I ignored my instincts and convinced myself that I was insecure. Well one evening while he went to the gym I had such a strong feeling that something was not right...I searched the whole house for clues and I found 2 girls' phone numbers, a bottle of oil from the sex shoppe and lots of alcohol hidden in a big duffle bag that he had used clothing that he wanted to send to his country Gabon, Africa. I totally freaked out, I destroyed all his pictures, burned his expensive clothes with cigarettes and poured the bottle of vodka on his head. He told me that the oil was a surprise for me and that the girls' phone numbers were just friends and he hid them because I am jealous and insecure....I didn't buy into that. So, the next day I put a voice-activated tape recorder in the bag he brings to work with him. Well, the next day while he was in the shower, I retrieved the tape recorder and what I heard totally traumatized me. I spent a lot of his time with hookers( I heard everything), he was talking very badly about me to his co-workers...I just couldn't believe it, this man who said the morning before he left for work with the tape recorder that he loved me very much and he wanted to marry me. Well, I had the concrete proof of his cheating and I didn't hesitate to kick his a** out the door. I loved this man so much and I still think about him. I will never take him back though. Right now I am working on me...finding out who I am and why do I always pick men who abuse me. I am slowly feeling better about myself and am hopeful that the next relationship, which won't be for a long while, I will see the red flags immediately and run as fast as I can. I also learned to always listen to your instinct.

i can relate to you're relationship i have been liking this guy for many years ,since about 1989 then i found out that he was married, ok i then excepted him as a friend ,then years went by i then found out that me and his birthday was the same day then me and him and my family ,went out to celebrate are birthday that year, together still really liking this guy,but i was already in a relationship and the other guy kind of had a feeling i was liking him,but i denied it. i did'nt want to hurt the guy that i was in a relationship with,then one day i was riding down the street and heard someone calling my name and i backed back and there ,he was again,then someone had given him my address guest what he was in jail when he wrote me.i then start writting him and he came ,home from jail in 2000, and i started bcak being with him again,then he lived in kenosha with a woman i found that out,then he ask me to come and get him ,i went over their and he told me ,that he could'nt leave his kids ,but mind you he left them and went to prison ,but i had lo9ved that man for many years, then i did 5yr's with him in jail,maid sure he had everything tv ,radio and the first night he came home going somewhere ,he should'nt of been and reck ,his mother's car ,first night out .so then he baught me a car and then he sold it. my son saw him with a lady in the car, on are birthday he disappeared in the bar from everyone,my son put him out of my house after all i done for him ,he don't even call and ask how i'm doing.so please don't loose no sleep cause of a looser,my saying is that,it's you're gain and his lost forget him i did ,he made me stronger and better, and i loved the lord and when he want me to have someone ,i'll wait on him to send the right man, you don't need to even worry ,cause what he have done to you ,someone gone do it to him,hold you're head -up-and those memories are just what they are memories leave them their.bless you, it's gone be alrigth....dianemoss

Wow, that really made me feel hopeful.

well written..its true...

My names Joseph, I think my self the honest man on the planet, I am honest, educated, very kind and caring man. Then, I met in University campus a girl in my course, we have a relationship for two years. I showed her all my love, my honest, my kind and caring her day and night. But, when i reflect my self, she think my personality as a fool man. who would not understand any thing. she is using all my money day and night. <br />
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Then she is swearing to me most of the time, i hate swearing and talking F words, and i am not kind of that person. <br />
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In conclusion, i was needed a change, one night i take a decision in my life, i break up her relationship, i get another girl, she is changed my life, she is very kind and caring girl, i love her personality and the way she behave. At the moment she is the women in my life and i love more than my life. therefore, we need a change. change is based on human development.

That was beautifully written. It is so true. It takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them and an entire lifetime to forget them.

That was really good and it really hit home for me but ur rite and everything happens for reason, and if you are meant to be with that person than you will end up with that person if not then you will end up with somebody better!

i moved on. it doesn't kill you...REALLY. you think it will BUT IT DOESN'T...why? BECAUSE TIME KEEPS MOVING...as time moves YOUR FEELINGS CHANGE...ta da! done.

I'm sure theres alot of us that went through the heart ache and pain of losing the love of your life and I hear and read this saying that I'll never love another one like that agaion. The thing is, you won't because each one is unique and different. each of them offwer somthing different and new. The point is life has to go on. Why should any of you just stand idley by when the person that left is having him or herself a ball? I went through this a long time ago and I come to this conclution that each person you encounter is only a templet to somthing special in the future. Those of you who hang on this long will eventually lose themselves. is it worth holding onto somthing that may not come back? Its like that song I can't recall the musciian, I can't make you,love me if you don't, you can't make your heart feel somthing it won't. In other words, its time to clean the house and make room for somthing much better. keep the door to your heart open, the right perosn will come to the door. leave the past behind you, learn from it and move on, never close your heart off, leave the door open because the right one will come to your door way to your heart.<br />
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To all of you who has gone throuhg this, my heart is with you always

I can't make you love me by Bonnie Raitt

We are really related before!But now it is totaly a new me...I was like a new born baby but have a very lot of knowledge can be share about love life!<br />
God Bless!

Thanks to all of u for sharing your feelings and thoughts because you give hope to others that this heart ache and pain wont last forever..<br />
i really hope time will heal every wound and scar am left with

There is nothing so sweet as unrequited love's assault of precious memories like a rose's thorn.

its soo truee! i just hate when your getting over that one person and when you feel like you dont have to cry anymore for them. they come back. and you cant help but start crying all over especially when they leave again and again which means theyre never going to stay. thiss was EXTREMELY similar to me and it inspired mee A LOT. i loved it

Good advice.<br />
One thing I tell my friends when they are really bad, is ok -----, be unhappy do not smile go through life expect to be unhappy no smiling no laughing another t journal it write all those feelings down you are in essence emptying yourself of the poison another join a prayer chain i like waxdog.com

i am in love with someone who love somebody. that somebody is a friend. it's painful knowing that he chose someone instead of you. it's most painful if he let's you fell deeply in love with him then dumped you suddenly. until now, i haven't recovered yet. i no longer feel the pain but i am numbed.

i am in love with someone who love somebody. that somebody is a friend. it's painful knowing that he chose someone instead of you. it's most painful if he let's you fell deeply in love with him then dumped you suddenly. until now, i haven't recovered yet. i no longer feel the pain but i am numbed.

I lost myself in love and now I don't know who I am anymore. This person I fell in love with means the world to me, but I didn't mean enough for him to make it work. Those words he said when he left "I can't lie to you anymoire", "I'm not completely sure if I love you" "I don't want commitment" "I don't love you enough", I'll never forget them, I can still hear him saying them. I know I made mistakes, and I know he did. I know we're not meant to be together, but I'd do everything to spend one more night in his arms.. It's been 2 months now since we broke up and it's so hard not to have contact, especially cause he really doesn't care wether we talk or not. I just want to be in his life, I don't want him to forget about me, cause I can't forget about him. Love is hard and unfair, but I know we all will meet that special someone one day and everything will be fine, that is just not helping me getting through the days right now.. time is going slow and I am so incredibly hurt.

I totally understand how you feel missyou... It's now my 2nd time around with breaking up... It's so hard... Mine was horrible... He said he loved me like he was keeping me on a string...But then left me... Continueing with his charade of love... But saying things were bigger than me and him and thats why we couldn't be... Idk what to think... I've moved on but I hape this gaping hole now in my heart... It hurts...

OH YEAH LUV HAS A WAY OF BITING US ON THE BUM! I NEVER REALLY FELL IN LOVE UNTIL THIS LAST RELATIONSHIP. I THOUGHT I WAS GOING TO DIE.. WE WENT TO THE CLUB& 10 MANHATTENS LATER I FOUND MYSELF ALONE AND SINGLE. OH WELL...DIDNT EVEN HAVE A CHANCE TO BLAME IT ON THE ALCOHOL..AFTER 17 MONTHS OF WHAT I THOUGHT WAS A GOOD RELATIONSHIP SHE QUIT ME LIKE A BAD HABIT...! TALKED TO HER YESTERDAY BRIEFLY JUST TO GET SOME MAIL FROM HER AND SHE DIDNT WANNA GIVE IT TO ME IN PERSON. ITS BEEN 3 MONTHS... IM STILL VERY MUCH IN LOVE WITH HER BUT NOT TO THE POINT WERE I CANT CONTROL MY EMOTIONS...I DONT GET IT...?<br />
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READING ALL THESE STORYS HAS MADE ME FEEL BETTER IN SOME STRANGE WAY,STAY STRONG AND MOVE ON THERE R MANY FISHES IN THE SEA...!<br />
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REMEMBER WHAT DOESENT KILL US, MAKES US STRONGER...!<br />
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EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON...!

hi hope you are fine just stay strong and focus and not look back ,but the comfort that i can tell you about is jesus ,he won't leave nor for sake you ,maybe you're looking for the wrong man ,see if god did'nt join you together with that person ,my beliefe that it won't last anyway ,cause living with a man and not married to him you're committing a big{sin} so a undivivded house will not stand anyway,maybe the lord is speaking to you and trying for you to have a better life by giving it to him ,is this you're husband or boyfriend , hope you 're not angry by my response ;bless you anyway. just pray i had a no good man also waited 5yr's for him ,he's now maried wow i said but i have to keep it moving ,and you also something better for you ,you will be ok ,i asure you, you're gain his lost ,hold you're head up bless you.amen.diane moss---wish you luck

Great advice. Time heals this kind of pain, but it does sometimes take a very long time. The pain can be awful, but because of this it is also an opportunity for growth and enlightenment. Start smiling and look for the deeper happiness that is already within you.

My ex never told me he doesn't love me....only that "we don't work" or that he needs time. We see eachother every day and never say a word. He hates me now, for not talking to him. I tried to explain how it all felt, but he blamed me. I tried to tell him I still love him, but he didn't believe it. He hates me for not wanting friendship, but I can't be his friend. I'm at the stage where all I can do is wait for it to pass. Wait until I have healed.

The problem is if you try to entirely break from the person.<br />
Instead keep a good relation, be good friends.

It doesn't always work like that. Sometimes there's too much history for you not cross that line.

Oh , hell we all lose; we all win; it only matters how we deal with it; deal with dignity; be happy; easy said and easy done

That was just what I needed to hear

thank u. i really needed this.

Smile when some1 hurts u, Smile bcoz some1 still wants 2 c u SMILING !!

Thank you for this...it somewhat helps. This past week the man that I had been looking for all my life and that I found left me. He went back to his ex as he felt she fitted into his family.<br />
I am indian and muslim, he was white and he felt his family would not accept me.<br />
His excuse was that he envisaged a forward life full of obstacles and that he could not bear being with me but away from his family.<br />
The irony in all this is he said so many things, he promised to never hurt me, he said he loved me and will always love me but he lacked the courage.<br />
He was perfect, even now trying to find fault in him is hard. He romanced me, loved me for me. He never critisized me. I have come from that, I was always told I was ugly and fat and the rest.<br />
He joked as he said he was my blue eyed boy, my prince.<br />
He chased, I was reserved at first but the attention and care was irreristable.<br />
I have been married for 7 years, I had not consumated my marriage....shocking hey. Then this man comes into my life and all is amazing.<br />
He said he was not involved with his ex, turns out he still loved her after feeding me the lines of how he could not love her...<br />
I cannot do anything...I was prepared to give up my entire world to be with him. I still am as I need to leave my husband and the shacles of this life. <br />
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I want to scream and shout not for him to come back but for this pain to go...the feeling of being ill that I allowed myself to fall so hard...I cherish the memories but I am trying to forget and it keeps coming back. Everytime I see another couple holding and kissing.<br />
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I want it gone, I want to wake up one morning and not think of him or want to call him.<br />
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He wanted to be friends, I don't know if I can do that. What's worse is he still has a book of mine that has sentimental value so how do I get it back?

What a wise woman your mom was to have given you that advice. I am newly hurt. I fell in love with a younger man and am devastated by his departure and false promises.<br />
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I will take your advice (that of your mom's) and try and create new memories for myself.<br />
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Thanks for sharing such an intimate part of your life.<br />
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Bev