Unrequited Love

I've been on both sides of this. A while ago In a moment of weakness I kissed my best friend, and she fell in love with me...but i didn't i thought i would but i didn't, there was no chemistry on my part. we tried to date but i wasn't in it and my usual paranoia and inability to commit kicked in. so i ran In short... i broke her heart. but still she relocated to be closer to me... I'm talking about 20,000 miles. I still felt nothing. I had to completely cut her off .I didn't call or write even though I missed her insanely and needed her... i wouldn't let her visit even when she tried to, i had to let her go because i knew i didn't love her that deeply i always found ways to find out how she was doing without her knowing and . and eventually she moved on. She got in touch with me recently and now we're talking, she's married and just had her first child and despite my possessive and jealous personality I'm totally proud of her and happy for her. I feel like i did the right thing way back when it mattered.
the love of my life recently told me she doesn't see us ending up together... ever, ...but still wants to stay friends how cliche'. we were in love once and due to distance we slowly grew apart, a day after she tells me this, we meet and i cant help wiping off a smudge of lip balm from the corner of her lip, for me it comes naturally... and she lets me... every time she innocently touches me. my heart flutters. she'll now take but wont give back, i had to flat out tell her not to let me touch or kiss her, because it feels good when I'm doing it but after we part, that pleasure turns into the intense pain of rejection. this is the worst kind. I have to be strong enough to completely disconnect because she won't.
desertscorpio desertscorpio
31-35, M
2 Responses Oct 11, 2012

I dont know if me telling you this after all these months matter...but still i want to tell you this.
The thing you did with your best friend...yes you did the right thing buddy, kudos to you for not falling to temptation and not effectively ruining both of your lives, cause since you didnt actually love her, it was a waste.

Now on your second relationship, i think you have to simply cease seeing the girl....i know its terribly harsh for me to say this, infact i may be wrong cause i as a reader, dont know much about you guys. But from what i know, the girl doesnt see any future among yourselves, so i dont see any reason that you guys should date even now.....unless it is a temporary commitment-phobia on her part.

And that 'i-cant-love-you-but-lets-be-friends' thing surely is a huge cliche'. It sucks actually, i know, i have been there :D.

Anyways man, i hope you make the right choice and stay happy and get the girl who YOU deserve.

Take care man, and do tell me how things are between you guys now [ if it aint much trouble:) ]

Getting sucked back in was easier than i thought... The no contact rule is back in effect...guess i will be sticking to what has been proven to work. On the upside, I got my best friend back :-)...or so it seems