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I Quess I Am Getting to That Place Too.

I am on that line or that point in a relationship when you start thinking it will never change and never get better.  When we were dating she kept pushing me to try again as I had failed at two previous marriages and was convinced I should NEVER be in another serious relationship again.  I STINK AT IT.   She was so sure about us and new what she wanted out of life and wanted to do it with me.  She made it sound so simple , her parents had and have such a great relationship and seem so grounded.

Every thing she said she wanted she now has, Kids, House, Cars, but as each goal was achieved if there was any problems she became negative and would act as if life sucks and she is being robbed of what she wants.  After each problem we would run into, I would explain to her that not every thing comes easy and that we should appreciate those things accomplished or obtained even more.  But as every challenge come forward the minute it did not work out or require more effort to make things work out - she acted as if the world was coming to an end and life was unfair to her.  This shocked me as she had such a can do attitude while we were dating.  I kept thinking once she gets all the things she wants then she would finally be happy.  As each year went buy more and more everything became what she wants.  At first I thought I am just paranoid because of my previous failed marriages, and again thought I just have to try harder to make all her dreams come true. 

Like I said she has all those things and she still is not happy and it never seams to be enough.  I have become a second class citizen with in my own house.  She hates all the things I like, Skiing, Boating, Fishing, Traveling unless it involves her family then there is no Mountain high enough to stop her, suddenly she has that can do attitude.  I usually am not involved in the planning process of any family activities and find out that we are going some where by mistake like when one of her  brothers will call and talk about some upcoming event that I have not herd of yet. Often the day of the event.   On the other hand  I don't even start planing anything until I find out if she is interested in it too.  As usual if my plans or Vacation Ideas or just date plans with her don't meat her approval or involve her family it just fades away and never happens.  

When I explain my problems with her attitude or lack of including me in what is going on it is dismissed as I am just being silly and that of coarse she loves me, I am just being paranoid.  Things will get better for awhile then it will slowly fade back into our normal way of doing things.

We went to a marriage counselor when she had reached a point of near depression, She did want to do anything, she couldn't find time to clean the house no matter how much I helped.  The kids were too much stress for her  and of coarse anything I wanted to do was a waist of time or money.  At every meeting with the counselor she would act like life was just a little hellish right now and that it was no big deal.  She talked to me as if we were lovers again, apologized and assured me everything was fine.  and for about a month everything seemed fine.  I thought she finally realized that she had everything she said she wanted and it was time to enjoy it and to share it with me. 

So we are back to anything I want to do or am interested in is a waist of time or money and I am included in things only  when it is necessary or at the last minute.

I know some of this sounds petty but a relationship should be mutual and I need to feel like I am part of what is going on in my life.  I feel like she just doesn't want to be devoiced only because of the children.  The only time she acts like she needs me is when I get fed up and complain that things have to change because I can not live like this.

 

 

Devilnside Devilnside 41-45 Jul 15, 2008

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