After 4 Years of Trying to "SAVE" this man......I realized I was just being used

I was 39 years old when I fell for the first time so deeply in love with Joe that even a sceptic like me was finally understanding the whole "soulmate and destiny "concept that I'd scoffed at most of my life. For the first time in my life I was unconditionally IN love. I was warned over and over by his family and "friends" that he uses people for his own gain and really hates women.Well....with the apparently high ego I had, I got it in my head that I could show him if he let his guard down with me, I'd never ever hurt him, I'd always be there for him no matter how many times he ****** up and tried to push me away. And I never did til the end. I was trying to give him a taste of his own medicine for a few months, do thngs that he'd done repeatedly to me over 3.5 years.I went on a drunk binge, layed on the couch watching TV all day and quit my job so for once HE would have to pay all the bills while I spent all MY money on booze and weed and cigarettes. Instead of saying sorry for all he'd put me through, he moved right out a month later.... couldn't handle it. See, the thing is I was serving no purpose for him anymore. The "car, cash,crotchand couch had all dried up for him and he didn't need or want me anymore.How I REALLY figured out he never really loved me was the fact that within a month he'd found a new "victim". Nice, huh? To this day, 6 month after that final split, I still can't even imagine sleeping with anyone else. Someone PLEASE tell me how to get over this and move on. I am on SO many antidepressants, tranquilizers, and sleep medication that its a joke, but its helping be to better control my moods. I used to cry about this ALL the time, even at work, and now I don't do that as much. That's a good thing right? Somebody out there have an answer?? I'd SO appreciate it... thank you for listening to my rambling

JustLisaLD JustLisaLD
41-45, F
1 Response May 15, 2007

i found that if i kept busy and focused i wouldn't think so much about it all and eventually the tears dried up. it took longer than i'd hoped it would but now when i think of him it is not with hate, it is with indifference and that is nearly worse! lol i cleaned house like a mad woman for hours on end. i cleaned things that were totally sterile! i worked out for hours on end. i did this for months and months - nearly 18 mos i guess. ugh! but i had to keep busy, otherwise i'd still be crying over his sorry ***! (same scenario as yours) celebrate the new life ahead of you minus the burdensome, life sucking, jack ***. reflect on the relationship in small doses and set standards for what you want and need in every facet of your life - not just with men. then when you feel a lil better, set out to socialize more often and play on YOUR terms! best of luck to you.