He Left Today...

Loved is the wrong word...I am still in love with him very much.  It's quirky because I knew I would be in love with him when I first picked him up from the airport almost a year ago.  Today, I took him back to the airport...and cried the whole way home.

I met "T" on the computer alittle over a year ago.  He was funny, and smart, and all that jazz, but there was something else about him that one day made me ask him if he would like to come to where I lived to visit me.  Now, I know that sounds alittle dangerous, but because of the type of people we are, the excitement of finally meeting each other far outweighed the risks. 

He came to visit in late May, just sortly after his 20th birthday.  God, he was sooooo good looking... and he brought a guitar, and knew how to sing.  There were a million things that we had in common.  There ARE a million more things that we have since added to the list. 

When I picked him up, the chemistry was instantly there.  We laughed, and clicked.  I was smart though, as much as I wanted to "be with" him that very first night, I took it slow, I waited it out, not long, but long enough to know that he wanted to "be with" me too.  It was blissful.  So...we *dated* for about three weeks.  I showed him around, and took him out to eat. 

But then, suddenly it seemed, he wanted to return to his home state...and I was nervous.  I thought I had done something wrong to upset him or something.  I was ruining it...and man!  I was upset.  One night, about a week before he finalized that he wanted to go back, I talked with him and told him that I wanted him to stay, that I liked him so much that leaving would hurt my feelings.  We decided that night that I would go with him back to his home state.

We packed my car and left.  Things were different in *his* neck of the woods, he was out and about and doing and what not, and I was nervous because I didn't know anybody.

We broke up, he moved to another state, and I stayed behind.  I didn't go back home.  Long story short, he came back, and we worked things out to where we'd be *friends (with benefits)*...I hated it, but I loved him so much, I decided that I'd much rather settle for something than nothing.

It's killed me, but our friendship was actually flourishing.  Like I said, we had a million things in common.  The only difference was...he wanted his dating freedom,and I only wanted him.

In April of this year, I decided to return to my home state and asked him if he wanted to come with me.  There was a job lined up and everything.  He still wanted to be *friends*...

But I love him. . . . .

He left today, and I've been crying all day since.  I wish he'd come back.  God in HEAVEN, I wish he'd come back.  I would do anything to have him come back--We actually enjoy spending time together... I wish he'd have stayed... I feel so sad now that he's not here.

Any advice or comments? 

RykterChanning RykterChanning
26-30, F
3 Responses May 16, 2007

thats so difficult..i can relate. There is no easy way to get over it. I kind of feel it makes you more alive to have experienced something like this. Write a book or a movie about it. You were meant to experience this. I understand your pain and confusion. Enjoy every moment you get to spend in his presence!!!

Aw :( Love is never easy.<br />
I am myself deeply in love with someone who doesn't love me, and I understand your sadness.<br />
But maybe the best thing is not to wish that he will come back to you, because you might get disappointed and just feel worse.<br />
<br />
Many people would say to you: just get over him.<br />
But I know it is not that easy, it might even seem impossible for you; Instead my advice would be that you make something happier with your love. If you cannot make your love towards him go away, make it something you enjoy. Think to yourself that there are more people out there like him, or maybe even better than him; and one day you will find such a person who also loves you back.<br />
Don't let unrequited love destroy your life or slow you down. Try to be more with your friends and put more time into activities that make you happy.<br />
<br />
Good luck with the future!

"To Love Does Take Courage - It's Not For The Weak. But It's A Feeling So Shallow - That I Will No Longer Seek."