Such An Irrational Number

i always wonder to myself: "how can two people really love each other at the SAME time? or at least, like?" it seems so overrated. gosh. i hate myself for being so fat and ugly, and not being liked by anyone except for my ex-best guy friend. it makes me feel so unattractive, and rejected too. i'm fifteen, and never been liked. it sounds like one of the saddest things ever. i've never caused a guy to spend restless nights up thinking about me, or get nervous when i'm around.


when i like a guy, it takes FOREVER for me to get over him. i once liked this dude named aj, and that lasted for FOUR years. i hear about girls who just like guys for a few days or a week, and i was so amazed. why couldn't i just be like that? i didn't get myself. up till now, my shortest crush was for three months, and i only got over him because he moved schools. if he was still there, i'd probably still like him for a bit longer.


my most serious crush was on a guy named chris d. my gosh. i was SO into him. when he got mad at me, i cried. when he accused me, i cried. when he was sweet to me, i cried. and that seemed to last for forever. he's a great guy, and i'm so glad that he has a girlfriend right now. when he hurt me, i just wanted to kill myself. but i got up and was okay again. we have a special name for each other. he's my dilly willy and i'm his feeby weeby. gosh. i LOVED that, and i still do now.


and then my latest crush. ben. his is the most unrequited one. gosh do i love him or what. he was always the first thought that comes to my head when i wake up, and i've cried a lot for him too! i even drank four bottles of wine coolers because of him. and that was a lot for me. i always wanted him to be happy and i always wanted to mean the most to him. that was pretty greedy of me though. i wanted him to love me. now that was just villainous and impossible. but now thinking back, i was happy whenever HE was happy. and that was all i could wish for.


and then there was someone i always made me think because he was SO weird! max slevcove. he is such an *** and he already caused a scar in my arm by stabbing me with a lead pencil, yet he makes me laugh. whenever i saw him talking to some chick, i'd get pissed off. and when others call me his wife, i'd get pissed off 'cause i wanted to hear it from HIM.


love is only considered love if you have good intentions for the person.


unrequited love is SO frustrating. when you see how people get divorced when their not their choice but their spouse has just fallen OUT of love with them, you admire the fact that some of them could really live. surely they still LOVE that person. i mean, it wasn't their choice to separate. some of them only sign the papers because they know that their partner will be free and happier that way. that's some SERIOUS unrequited love right there.


even as a teen, unrequited love is the hardest thing to deal with for me. it's worse than breaking my toe, or falling off the window. overall, love hurts.


if you're someone in a tangle of frustration, cheer up. unrequited love is not something that you're going to have to deal with forever. when you find that special person, you'll be in total bliss. in my case, that time has yet to come.

iCANfly07 iCANfly07
18-21, F
24 Responses Dec 23, 2006

I know how you feel, i felt the same way when i was 15. i thought that nobody would ever like me and got really low self-esteem. but you're only 15, there is so much time to fall in love. just wait until you're older, you'll meet so many new people and i'm sure some guy is bound to fall head over heels and hopefully you'll feel the same way! I'm 18 and i only had my first boyfriend this year but it definitely wasn't love and relationships are not as beautiful and carefree as you might think. so just don't worry about it, enjoy your life and love will find you i'm sure!

Lol, while I agree with the above statement (and I believe it is good advice; you gotta learn to appreciate yourself before you can truly appreciate others...i.e. good grades, good future, good disposition, etc etc)...I remember being that age (wasn't THAT long ago), and I remember there wasn't any advice to help deal with things...or it was very seldom any advice would help.<br />
You'll get through, most everyone does, and (not to belittle how you feel) it's nothing billions of people probably haven't done and dealt with before you.<br />
I'm not saying "you're not special" I'm just saying "no matter the circumstances, someone's been right there where you are right now", that is one of those few pieces of advice that did help me during my trying times.

I don't understand how in the world ,at 15, you can fall in love so many times...I don't think that have anything to do with love alright. Lenee is absolutely right. You should really wake up and occupy yourself with school and your future first of all, and when true love comes you will know alright.

I understand what your saying, but I honestloy belive that you need to lve yourself first before you can love anyone. Obsession isnt love, when you feel love you'll know it, because you'll feel worthy, fuflled and no that you dont have to try and be anything. Your young only 15, trust me its all in your hands to change what you dont like about you or your life, its about acting on it, and thats the most hardest step ever. Dont ever call your self ugly again, that will be the first step to you healing God bless and good luck x x x

I fell in love with my best guy friend. but he did'n feel the same way ,,<br />
I'd cry myself to sleep and wonder why I wasn't good enough ??!. And then one day I was sick of feeling sorry for myself .. and i said i really don't care about him .. am gonna live my life happily of being single .. i realized that the best thing ever is being SINGLE ..soo screw lOve just be SINGLE and happy ;)

I never stop loving someone..If I fall I;ll keep falling even after I hit the ground... probably even after I'm six feet under!

I have a 12 year old sister, in addition to knowing God and loving Christ, I pray she finds joy and cheer like you have.<br />
That she can examine her scars with a smile and even a laugh!<br />
You are a very beautiful young girl and I pray you find love.<br />
God bless!

i am amazed that you only 15. you are so passionate and know the true meaning of love. you actually care about the person you love and not just want them for certain things....i too use to be in your position a long time ago but you will be surpired to see how much things change. i want to say something to you...it might take sometime for you to find what you are looking for or you may ever find that what you though you wanted is really is not what it seems...just be wait and things will happen in their own time...but the important thing is that for u to love youself and know that a guy would be lucky to have you....

i know exactly how you feel/felt and it sucks to cry over guys and feel hurt but once you get it into you head and realize GET OVER HIM OR DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT you move on eighter way

no one will love you or respect you till you learn to love yourself trust me young one ive had to lern the hard way now im ****** trust me love your self respect yourself all good things will come your only 15 you got so much time

I might give up on love, but at least you still have a chance. I know I probably don't anymore, since I really think "love" doesn't exist. Ever since I met this girl, until September 14th, 2006 when she punched my stomach and always lied to me about how she loved me when she really loved someone else. Yes I had a bad feeling in my gut when she told me that she loved someone else and told me that she only was with me, so she can take advantage of me. I cried a long time... and I'm still not over the heartbreak, but I suppose its for the best.

You have said some wise words for someone so young. Unrequited love can shred your heart if is not returned, but you sound grounded enough to be able to understand this from your expeiences. <br />
<br />
The other side of the coin is that one day, you could be on the one unable or not wanting to return anothers love. It happens. But trust me, love will find you when you least expect it, and when that happens you will know how wonderful love can be.

You sound just like me, I'm 15 and love someone who doesn't love me. We just have to remember that even though the people we love don't love us that someone out there does. Girl, i'm sure your not as ugly or fat as you say. I felt ugly until i asked the boy I liked if he thought i was ugly, He just looked at me and said 'beauty is diffrent to everyone, and everyone's beautiful'. So until you get over your feelings of self-doubt, it's hard for people to get involved romantically with you. But i know EXACTLY what your talking about.

Think you've got it bad? <br />
I've loved someone since I was about 7, I'm nearly 15 now, almost half of my life has been spent wishing that he'd like me which, don't get me wrong, he did. But I was always too afraid to say yes to his offers of going out. Now he lives about 100 miles away, and I regret every second I spent without him... <br />
Even so, I've taught myself that it will never happen and to get on with my life. Which has brought about yet more unrequited loves (or likes, as the case may be).

YAH MAN i kno how u feel im the same way with guys..it sucks but i got good friends who love me and who are always there for me i guess im juss livin up the single life ..i have been screwed over way to many times and im juss gona love me and if someone wants me well then good but its up to then to make all the moves!

Love not returned is the most painful I agree, But when it is mutual it is the most amazing thing in the world. You sound very aware of your feeelings that is great, you sound very passionate. Good Luck and watch the wine coolers, alcohol is something you don't want to use to help cope.

Not that I want you to stop looking but love can change at any age. I just think it is better to have loved than to have never felt it at all

I was just like you. I fell in love with so many boys who didn't love me back. I fell in love with someone I hardly talked to. Then I fell in love with my best guy friend. And a few in between. It took me a year to get over him. <br />
<br />
I'd cry myself to sleep and wonder why I wasn't good enough. And then one day I was sick of feeling sorry for myself. I threw myself into figuring out who I wanted to be. I was still a little lonely but I didn't think about it as much.<br />
<br />
Love hits you when you least expect it. I picked up a fulltime job over the summer to have something to occupy my time. It turned out to be one of the best times I ever had. <br />
<br />
I even met a gorgeous boy who loves everything about me , I'm 19 years old, and we've been dating for 4 months almost. <br />
<br />
He's my first boyfriend, I guess what I'm trying to say is it's ok to be alone. It doesn't mean anything's wrong with you, if anything it makes u a stronger person. As soon as you stop worrying about love, love will find you.

I can identify with how you feel. In fact, I had always felt as if I'll never fall in love with a guy who will return my love. All the best; I hope you'll find real love soon and that you'll be happy always, even though I don't have the confidence that the same will happen to me...

You sound like a smart girl. Even still you have to realize that at 15, you need not worry about these things so much. What lenee said was right. You have to love yourself before you can ever love someone else. That is probably the hardest thing you will ever. Way more difficult then break-ups, and not being liked. You have to find beauty within yourself. You're at a very tender age, you need to be out discovering yourself, not worried about what people think of you.

It is hard as MG99 says in her post, infact so hard sometimes you feel like you just want to curl up on your bed cry loads and ignore everything,but something gets you through it you get over it even though sometimes the pain at the time is unberable you do get past that and move on....<br />
Good Luck and much happiness for the future to you

well you sound just like me except i am 31. i feel everything you wrote and did the same thing in high school. but it does all through life. i got dumped on valentines day. and i still talk to him but i still love him at the same time. it is hard but i guess you get over it.

My dear, the first thing I believe you should do is STOP IN THE NAME OF LOVE and begin a love affair with yourself. Being fat or skinny is never the real issue. searching for love outside of yourself is. You are valuable because you are alive. Do some reading on how to love within first. all of those "boys" are just that "boys" at 15 please stop focusing on boys- and look within to see why you are here- you have something to give the earth, that without you will not be accomplished. if you feel overweight- lose weight- it sounds easy because it is. I pray you wake up and see your value-

my longest crush must of been like a month then me and started to go out(and i only knew him for a month too)