I Put You First, Why Couldn't You Do The Same?????

so, i met T like 3 years ago....first it was just fun, i was 16, just fooling around, just fun and games....then you said you wanted to stop just fooling around and actually be together, i was fine with it...it was the best thing ever, i truly felt like the happiest guy ever...you made me feel special in every possible way...you made me fall in love with you, you made me love you and then you completely broke me apart...i did everything for you..whenever you needed someone to be their, i was the first,...i blew off my friends for you, i gave you everything you asked for...i gave you me,...then you decide you're into girls again, so we break up but you keep coming back for sex...naive, i keep letting you, never saying no....you continue to askk, i continued to give in to you....i could never stay mad at you, you always found a way to make me laugh again and then you were back in...i still kept on putting you first, you didn't....and then you told me that we had to stop what we were doing which you started by the way...so we did, i felt good, i was moving on from you...felt like the spell you had me under was slowly but surely going...then you came back and confused me even more, saying you loved me and you couldn't be without me and that you can't let go,...stupidly i fell back into the same old circle of you asking and me giving you anything you wanted just cause i loved you and wanted you to be happy...ofcourse you were untrue and you played me for a fool...still i pretended not to care,...tried to continue with my life...i stopped talking to you for the 5th time since ive known you and it didn't seem to bother you...after all i did, all that i gave you, all the sacrifices i made for you, you don't even care...it sucks to know that even right now, as i think back, i still care for you, even if you stopped, i dont think i will ever be able to...all i ever wanted was for you to put me first...you did once and then you just stopped...i sometimes wonder what could've happened to make you stop loving me like i loved you...it hurts to think that you were so important to me but my importance in your life was only when you needed something from me....you used me...my friends saw it but i just couldn't let go...i loved too much, too deeply....hopefully you never go through this yourself...
idontwannadream idontwannadream
18-21, M
3 Responses Dec 9, 2012

Sometimes we have to stop and think about what we are doing. Loving another is -for people like us- easier than loving ourselves.
You're a young man, please learn that loving yourself first is the most important gift that you can give to your true love.
I didn't learn that lesson, and I'm devastated at 50 yrs old because of it.
If we don't respect ourselves, no one will respect us.
Don't become closed-off or hardened. Keep giving, but give out of ONLY love, not a need to be loved.
You are sweet and generous...like me. Don't lose that! But learn how to discern. We get hurt easily because we love so easily. Love yourself. Love everyone else. But don't let yourself be abused because of your simple, unconditional generosity.

I can say I have felt the same. I still do. When he calls or needs something, I pick up right away because a little bit of my heart still wishes we were together. It hurts being in a situation like this but I have learned he is not the guy he used to be..why would i want to be with him? Good luck Idontwannadream..

so true, i do the same, when i see his number, i immediately pick up and as soon as we're done talking, i start to hate myself for it...it sucks big time...

Happens bro.. However hard it sounds just gotta move on with life!