Still Loving Him 11 Years Later...

New here...not sure where to start really.

Eleven years ago, I met a guy (Sir) online. First, it was supposed to be sex only and it was great, but then my feelings started to grow and develop for him. I think he sensed that and either didn't want to hurt me by telling me he didn't feel the same way or he got scared and ran. Either way he broke my heart. The last time I saw him he said something about the military and then he was gone. I understood the call to duty because it wasn't even a year after 9/11. Y'all remember the chaos after that.

Anyway, over the last few years we've talked online a half dozen times for anywhere from days to months at a time. It's always about "the old days" and what we'd like to do if we ever saw each other again. Each time, I start to fall for him again, and each time, I'm ready to ask him where this is headed/what's the deal he disappears for weeks/months/years on end.

I met someone (Ace) 7 years ago, and married him 6 years ago. I told Sir that I was getting married. We chatted a bit then nothing for almost 3 years.

When I met Ace, Sir and I were talking and I flat out asked him, if things had been slightly different did he think we could have been together, you know, kids, married, the whole nine yards and he said yes. Then he disappeared.

Three years ago I told Sir that I couldn't keep talking to him because I still wasn't over him and I wanted to try to be a good wife to Ace. I want/wanted the American Dream: house, family, husband with successful career. Sir said he understood and we parted ways once more. I told Ace and while he wasn't thrilled with the fact that I was talking to Sir he thanked me for coming clean.

Fast forward to last year, Ace and I were having lots of troubles and who should appear but Sir. We chatted for almost a month and devised a plan to get Ace to agree to me seeing Sir. We chatted about life, dreams, goals, etc. All my feelings bubbled back up, I thought about leaving Ace and starting over with Sir. Then I found out I was pregnant with my daughter. I told Sir and again we parted ways.

This past summer Sir and I started talking again. I find myself thinking of him all day, every day, dreaming about a life together. Talking with him I realized just how unhappy I am with Ace and I told Ace I wanted a divorce. He asked me for 6 weeks to make things better, I agreed. The weekend I moved out of our house (I've since moved back in) Sir was no where to be found. We talked once about 3 days after I moved out, then NOTHING for 2 weeks. Then we chatted again for a week and now he's gone again. I even asked Sir "what if I wasn't married" and he said "dunno, you are."

I want him more than he wants me. I care for him more than he cares for me. Next time he actually responds to me, I plan to ask him just what he wants because this limbo is killing me.

Edited: spelling
shadowspirit84 shadowspirit84
26-30, F
2 Responses Dec 13, 2012

I've found evidence that he is at the very least in a committed relationship. He's military, I know that, and he's in school so when he says he's gone for periods of time because of that, I can't really argue because I don't understand the military and he could be telling me the truth, heaven only knows.

That is very sad and frustrating. But I think for both your sakes, you guys should stop communicating. It's not healthy esp., when you are married. It also makes him a bit dodgy when he would disappear on periods on end. Perhaps he is also committed to someone in his life?