She Never Loved Me

I never did this, write about me or how I feel. It's new to me! But I m just looking for people to understand how I feel, people who has been where I'm right now and help me understand and standing up again.
I knew this girl for a long time but we never really hang out together or anything. But this night (a year ago) she jumped into my life and became the one I couldn't live without. She is a girl with magic in herself, she brings smile and positivity to everybody around her. I really felt in love with her and we spend a great year together. We almost never fought for anything until the moment she was under a lot of pressur at her work. She started feeling bad and having "hyperventilation" crises (she couldn't breath because of the stress). I didn't know how to handle this situation so I've try to be nice and light with her (didn't want to be sharp). That's when she told me she was under medication and that she was feeling empty. She looked at me (I will never forget her face) and tell me that she never really loved me, that she had feelings but they never became love (like with her ex). That from the beginning I convinced her to be with me and since then that's all she has done, try! That now she tired and don't want this anymore "no time, no envie and no feelings". At this moment I didn't know what to say, how to act, I was in the middle of nowhere cause for me it was just a "down" in our relation we just needed to speak but I was completely blind!
Now it has been a month and half, didn't get any news or wishes (new year, Xmas) from her. I m ****** broken in my bedroom thinking about this time, this moment or this night and I keep telling my self that at this moment this time when I was blindly in love she didn't. And I feel so STUPID so Immature, and I kinda understand her! What would she do with a guy who can't see how she feel, who taught that she wasn't a girl with who you have to read between the lines to understand her. I feel stupid, I'm full with regret and things that I would have done in a different way. I know I could have been so much better for her if I had have the courage to be sharp and speak with her and not letting it go thinking it will get better when she off work. Well it's a bit confuse I'm sorry but I m not english speaker (but french speaker) so please get my Idea not my grammar.
So if anyone has been through there and have find a way up, please give me hope that I'll go trough this. That one day she won't be the one I think when I wake up and when I go sleep. I ve tried to go out, to move, to say yes to everything, to be positive and happy like she would be, but even happiness or little smile keeps remind me about her.
Well I stop here and really hope that someone will read this.Thank you.
Alittlestory Alittlestory
22-25, M
4 Responses Jan 6, 2013

Something like this happened to me. It was hard. I felt like I was invisible to him and that really hurt. It took me 6months to even feel like stepping out of the house. I was very broken. But now I am ok. It still hurts sometimes, I cry it out. But in general I am over the pain. It will take time but you will heal.

Take your time. Try talking to friends, hanging out with them. It will take your mind of things and do things that you like.
There are lots of people here to support you. Dont worry.

My advice to you would be, give it time. Time will tell. I had a similar experience. I was the one being under pressure from work and school and trying to be independent and getting a place on my own. When I was going through this face I pushed everyone away. Including a guy I was dating. I don't know what happened to me. I just felt empty and drained and I didn't know what I feel about him. I hurt him a lot by pushing him away. He was smart enough to allow me a break to straighten out everything. By the time I was feeling myself again I start to miss him. For some reason when I thought of that time when I was going through that and he was there for me, made me love him even more. So just give it time. It might be a good thing and it might not, but the important thing is that we all go through things like this and for the positive side it makes us even stronger, smarter and believe it or not even more happier. If she's the one then time will tell. Keep up the positivity.

That just happened to me last year. This girl liked me and I ignored it. Then I realized it but it was too late