This morning I woke up not knowing by the time I go to sleep I’d have a 180° different perspective on what had happened to me for the past 1 month (don’t be a lazy *** and just look up my stories, I’m too much of a couch potato to type a few more words to recap what had happened).
By the time I finished writing “The Last Letter”, and was preparing to post it, I had to pause for a couple minutes.
It wasn’t that I found it to be unnecessary or not genuine, but something hit the back of my head hard.
And as the time passed I became more and more awake and aware of what had happened.
And it came to me like a divine revelation.
It was like I was under hypnosis all this time. And the hypnotist snapped his fingers and woke me up.
And all the pieces of the puzzle came together magically as if all this time I had been blind-folded and couldn’t see the big picture.
I knew I had a history of becoming easily attached to people but I didn’t know I still could.
This is easily understood.
After so many years of social anxiety, I’ve only been pushing people away.
So naturally, I deluded myself that I grew out of it.
The friendship went south because of me!
No, I’m not saying it’s partly because of me, it was ALL ME.
The whole time I was talking to her, something else was playing in my head.
A scenario had been brewing in my head.
And my feelings grew exponentially and out of proportion.
By the time she started to open up to me, I was already way ahead of what was actually happening.
Not that she didn't like me.
But I was too impatient and my feelings were WAY ahead of hers.
No wonder I hit a brick wall in the end.
Any sane girl would have walked away from that.
I mean, when a boy has a crush on a girl his feelings are most likely ahead of hers (genetics?) but the boy usually learns how to play it cool so as not to scare the girl away and let her feelings catch up to his.
I am like a 5th grader who believes all he needs is to confess his love for her and chase after her.
That would have worked when we were hormonal teenagers but I guess that’s not necessarily how it works between adults.
My relationship part of the brain is suffering from malformation.
Well, whad’ya know! Live and learn. Today, I just learned I was kinda crazy.
Now, I’m searching google to check myself into the nearest mental institution in Chicago first thing in the morning (damn, it will put a serious dent in my savings, goodbye Macbook Pro).

Don’t take this seriously. This is obviously just a parody of the reality. Although, I must admit it’s a very close depiction of what had happened. Dangerously close. But then, there are other factors I've omitted like SA.
I should stop spamming. Ok, I'm outta here, rest of you guys hold the fort down, will ya? (jk, get out asap)
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Jan 8, 2013