I Loved Someone That Didn't Love Me
Its been 5 years now. I want to make it completely clear i would never ever try to take it further i regard my friendship with C far too highly. I just want to share my story with people and perhaps get some advice and support on it. Now, The thing is.. it's gone through different stages and not even been completely apparent all the time. So i will try to explain it in these stages...
At first, i would have called it a crush seen as i was only 15/16. She was very pretty and genuinely the nicest person anybody could wish to meet. This is how i see the first year of it, however i began to realize that it was more than this.
This is where i would say the second stage comes in. I believe this is where i began to fall in love. I had never been in a relationship before and therefore wasnt completely sure. All i knew was i couldn't stop thinking about her and i used to wake up thinking.. 'what lessons have i got with K today' which seems silly but what im trying to say is that i wanted to be with her at all times. Needless to say, my friendship with her grew strong and i now considered C and K my 'best friends'. This is when it got too wierd for me. I hated myself for the feelings i was having for K and for some reason i decided to confess the attraction. But as i said before, i wouldn't dream of doing anything to come between them. I therefore confessed the attraction to my best friend rather than K herself. I told him how i felt, that i was sorry and that i was going to get over it and i hoped we could all still be friends. Im still not sure where i thought this would get me.. I just needed the weight to be lifted from my shoulders. And i suppose it was to a certain degree, however it was wierd afterwards and certainly i haven't had the same relationship with K afterwards.
I will class years 3 and 4 as the next stage. Like is said me and K were never as close as we had been but we did become good friends again during these two years. The same with my best friend, although i do like to think we got past this and are actually now better friends than even before. I think a large part of the reason we were all still able to be friends is because halfway through the third year I actually found another girl (B). It is difficult for me to understand let alone explain but essentially i did fall in love with B. I had an extremely happy relationship with her for a year and a half and i was also heartbroken after we split up. I genuinely was madly in love with B i cant stress that enough. Which begs the question what about K? This actually caused many arguments between me and B. I honestly believed myself to be over K all the way through our relationship but i can see in hindsight maybe i was never 100% over her. This isnt too say i wasnt faithful to B because i was. I never consciously had a thought about another girl whilst i was with her. She made me happy and took away the insecurities i had and now have again about myself. The main question here is, is it possible to love to people at once? And therefore can either one be true? My conclusion here, although sketchy, is that what i felt for B was indeed true love. I would have done anything for her. What i felt for K was subconscious, i was not aware of it until afterwards, but that it was still love. A love that i knew i could never have.
This takes me to the final 'stage' as it were. The part that is the present. What i feel for K is not what i felt for B whilst i was with her. It is not as strong as it was years ago but it is still there. I can tell this because when i see her i still find myself sometimes admiring her beauty, sometimes wishing things had been different. Is this unrequited love? A love that can never be or perhaps i dont even want it to be for friendships sake. Maybe im just a sucker for love itself and want desperately to have someone love me back. I do know that i have plenty of time to find 'the one' (I am a believer in there being someone for everyone) I just wanted to share my story. It feels good to have this weight off my shoulders to be honest. Its nice to be able to share it rather than laying up all night thinking things over to myself. I ask that you don't think bad of me for loving someone i know im not supposed to. I would never ever act upon it. I know this is a fairly long story if you took the time to read through it i appreciate it greatly :) feel free to leave any comments or questions etc. i like the idea of being able to share things
At first, i would have called it a crush seen as i was only 15/16. She was very pretty and genuinely the nicest person anybody could wish to meet. This is how i see the first year of it, however i began to realize that it was more than this.
This is where i would say the second stage comes in. I believe this is where i began to fall in love. I had never been in a relationship before and therefore wasnt completely sure. All i knew was i couldn't stop thinking about her and i used to wake up thinking.. 'what lessons have i got with K today' which seems silly but what im trying to say is that i wanted to be with her at all times. Needless to say, my friendship with her grew strong and i now considered C and K my 'best friends'. This is when it got too wierd for me. I hated myself for the feelings i was having for K and for some reason i decided to confess the attraction. But as i said before, i wouldn't dream of doing anything to come between them. I therefore confessed the attraction to my best friend rather than K herself. I told him how i felt, that i was sorry and that i was going to get over it and i hoped we could all still be friends. Im still not sure where i thought this would get me.. I just needed the weight to be lifted from my shoulders. And i suppose it was to a certain degree, however it was wierd afterwards and certainly i haven't had the same relationship with K afterwards.
I will class years 3 and 4 as the next stage. Like is said me and K were never as close as we had been but we did become good friends again during these two years. The same with my best friend, although i do like to think we got past this and are actually now better friends than even before. I think a large part of the reason we were all still able to be friends is because halfway through the third year I actually found another girl (B). It is difficult for me to understand let alone explain but essentially i did fall in love with B. I had an extremely happy relationship with her for a year and a half and i was also heartbroken after we split up. I genuinely was madly in love with B i cant stress that enough. Which begs the question what about K? This actually caused many arguments between me and B. I honestly believed myself to be over K all the way through our relationship but i can see in hindsight maybe i was never 100% over her. This isnt too say i wasnt faithful to B because i was. I never consciously had a thought about another girl whilst i was with her. She made me happy and took away the insecurities i had and now have again about myself. The main question here is, is it possible to love to people at once? And therefore can either one be true? My conclusion here, although sketchy, is that what i felt for B was indeed true love. I would have done anything for her. What i felt for K was subconscious, i was not aware of it until afterwards, but that it was still love. A love that i knew i could never have.
This takes me to the final 'stage' as it were. The part that is the present. What i feel for K is not what i felt for B whilst i was with her. It is not as strong as it was years ago but it is still there. I can tell this because when i see her i still find myself sometimes admiring her beauty, sometimes wishing things had been different. Is this unrequited love? A love that can never be or perhaps i dont even want it to be for friendships sake. Maybe im just a sucker for love itself and want desperately to have someone love me back. I do know that i have plenty of time to find 'the one' (I am a believer in there being someone for everyone) I just wanted to share my story. It feels good to have this weight off my shoulders to be honest. Its nice to be able to share it rather than laying up all night thinking things over to myself. I ask that you don't think bad of me for loving someone i know im not supposed to. I would never ever act upon it. I know this is a fairly long story if you took the time to read through it i appreciate it greatly :) feel free to leave any comments or questions etc. i like the idea of being able to share things
By:
tniner1
Age:
18-21
,
Male
