True Story

Everyone wants to know if I have ever dated, been involved, or had any connection to a man my age and the answer is yes. I'm writing this to answer everyone's question.

I was 18, a freshmen in college in a small town. There was a foam party outside of the dorms for the freshmen to get to know each other. I was standing with my roommates and I looked to my left. He was standing there with his friends looking at me. I know it sounds corny but when I looked at him it seemed like everyone disappeared and the music stopped. He beckoned for me to come over. I shook my head and told him he had to come to me. He gave me the sexiest smirk and I looked away for a few seconds. When I looked back he was gone. I felt kind of bad because he was really cute. A few minutes later someone tapped me on my shoulder and said "hi Payton, do you remember me" I jumped back and said no he said "Im Lexi's ex boyfriend." I then remembered him because Lexi was a friend from hight school. We talked a while exchanging numbers. I went back up to my room showered and got ready for bed. Right before I got in the bed I got a text asking me if I wanted to meet him outside. Overly excited I said yes. I put on my slippers and immediately walked out the door. I met him outside and we walked and talked just catching up on what had been going on. He then asked me if I wanted to see his room. He stayed in the upper class dorms and I really did want to see them. We walked over and I walked in, it was like an apartment and they had their own room, whereas in the freshmen dorm we had another person in our room. I walked his room and he closed the door behind us. We talked for a while and he asked me if I wanted a massage. I don't know why but I said yes. He gave an okay massage but it's what happened next that freaked me out. While he was massaging me he pulled down my pants and panties and started rubbing my butt. i quickly pulled them up and he continued to massage me. He then pulled them back down but as I was going to pull it back up he popped my hand, so I just let he stay down. I was laying on my stomach while he was sitting on the back of my legs which were partially open when he stuck his finger in me. He started to finger me and I started to moan. My mind wanted to say stop but my body was saying go ahead. Before i knew it he had stuck his perfect **** inside me and began to have sex with me while I lay on my stomach. I told him to stop because he didn't have on a rubber. He got up and asked if I wanted to stop, I undressed and told him I was ready and we continued (without the rubber). After the sex we just lay there both of us naked and he held me as I went to sleep. For the next 7 months we made love at least twice a week. It got to the point where our secret was out because both of us stayed on campus. No one would mess with me because I was "HIS" girl even though we were never officially together. He wasn't dominant but he was a man that knew how to let it be known. Our love making was like nothing I have ever experienced before. When we would have sex I could feel it in my chest right where my heart is. He always held me when we were going to sleep and I never wanted to go to sleep because I didn't want that moment to end. I remember one morning waking up in his arms and he kissed me on the forehead and said "good morning." I was truly in love for the first time in my life but in my mind I knew it would last forever. One day I went to his dorms to visit a friend and his roommate told me he had gone to pick up his fiance. I was devastated!!! They came back and she stayed with him in the dorms. He never spoke to me while she was there. He would give me the worst looks you could ever imagine, like I had done something wrong. I never said anything to her even though my friends begged me to tell her. He eventually left before the semester ended. They moved to another state and got married. Everyone made sure to ask me if I knew. It hurt so bad I felt as if I had been shot in the heart. I actually thought I was having a heart attack because my chest hurt so bad. I couldn't even cry because I didn't want anyone to see me. It was the best and worst moment of my life. I would love to go in to detail about the sex because I remember EVERYTHING. But I know I will never let myself feel that way about another ever again. Love takes so much energy and I just don't have it in me...........................................Hmmmmm the only question I could think someone would ask me is after all that do I still love him. My answer is you never stop loving a person you either never did or always will. I've just learned to live without him. But he will ALWAYS have that place in my heart