Finally Moving On... It Only Took A DecadeMy story dates way back like 10 years way back. So rewinding 10 years back...... I was about 6 or 7 years old back then .... so my family is like the family that everyone on the block knows and loves (i hope)... Anyway I got home from school (second grade at the time) and mom has this whole welcome basket and pie and cake baked. She tells me that we're going to welcome the new neighbors and so I tagged along being the people person that I am. We arrive at the new neighbors house and the guy that opens the door.... gave me the "butterflies in my stomach" feeling for the first time. I was absolutely smitten.... it wasn't like a love at first sight thing though it was just a crush. At first I really didn't know what I was feeling (I was only 7) all I knew back then
was he was always able to make me smile and I really liked being around him. I didn't know I was going to start falling so madly in love with him. Anyway a few years pass and eventually he finds out about my massive crush on him (now at 4th grade)... His reaction? I don’t even know it was so blank so blunt thinking back he didn't really even have a reaction. I was extremely embarrassed so instead I just made up a lie and told everyone I’m over him and don’t have any feelings for him (couldn't be further from the truth). Whether people believed me or not didn't matter as long as they didn't bring it up I was good. So over the years my relationship with him …. actually I didn't even have much of a relationship with him. I would never speak to him or strike up a conversation or anything. I would just love him from afar. As the years went by he dated people.... I... didn't... being the hopeless romantic that I am I just secretly hoped he would someday acknowledge my feelings for him since he was clearly aware of them. He never did. The only reason I would ever be able to seem is because our families were close so we would see each other often.... but later on once he got into high school he started to get distant from my family and his own. He would just constantly party and go out with his friends and his ego started going through the roof. Regardless my feelings didn't change they would fluctuate a lot but they were still there. So he continued to change and grow more and more distant and my feelings continued to grow. He continued to date and tell me about how amazing and beautiful his girlfriends are. On the outside I would try and be supportive of his girlfriends but on the inside my heart he was ripping apart.....
So I covered the past now onto the present and future..... To everyone on the East Coast I’m pretty sure you’re all aware of hurricane Sandy and it’s negative impacts.... (NO GASOLINE.... for us in NYC the gas situation was scary).... After hurricane sandy struck we were left without gas here in New York City and it was ridiculous... I remember waiting 10 hours in a line for gas :/.... Anyway my family was over at his place and we were all complaining about the gas situation.... My dad decides that he wants me to go home because it was almost 12 am and it was a school night so he asks the guy (the one I’m so madly in love with) to walk me home since she didn't want his baby girl walking home all alone.... It was just him and me walking alone at 12am with the moon shining down upon us (it was awkward not romantic in the slightest).... We started off just casually speaking about our lives and then he brings IT up.... he asks about the crush I had on him... the subject that has been untouched for like 5 years he brings it up. He asked for a completely honest answer so I gave him one. I told him everything from day 1 to the lie about not being over him to hating every new girlfriend he gets. After pouring my heart to him all he says is, “I never knew, I thought your crush on me was all a joke, I never knew it was legit”. All 10 years!!!! he thought my feelings were all a joke! All I wanted was a simple yes or no if he felt the same way if the feelings were mutual but he goes on to tell me all the reasons why I suck! and why it won’t work out and how we can’t be together even if he wanted it. Needless to say I was heartsick, devastated, dejected, sorrowful, inconsolable, miserable ... etc. Spent 10 years fawning over a guy who didn't even have enough class to give me a proper rejection. He was never the prince charming I always thought he was and I guess I’m finally picking up the pieces, putting them back together, and moving on..... it only took like 10 years.
deleted 26-30 5 Responses 15 Jan 21, 2013