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A Secret Sadness

The first time I met this girl I felt something towards her. The instant butterflies, the pounding heart, the way I couldn't look at her without blushing, wanting to run away yet my feet were rooted to the ground. I instinctively knew I wanted to get to know her better, and soon enough we became good friends. Initially I hid my feelings. I didn't want them to come between us, and I don't think she suspected anything. But the more I got to know her, the harder it got. I was falling for her, not just the crush i thought it was. I couldn't eat, couldn't sleep, unable to concentrate on anything.
I confided in a good friend my true feelings for this girl. She was supportive and offered advice and an open ear. I poured out my soul hoping to release some of the tension that had been building up. Later that night (or early morning I should say) I decided I had to say something to the girl. I took the cowards way and text her. It took me a good 20 minutes to write, rewrite, and write again, followed by reading over and over and eventually pressing send. The next few hours were awful. Waiting for a reply that I started to think would never come. Later that afternoon I received It. She said that nothing would come between us, and that she valued our friendship.
I told her I wanted to say something so I could move on. But almost a year later the feelings haven't gone, just as strong as they ever were. I can't stop thinking about herl, I see her frequently and try to act like I've moved on. We've never spoke about it since, I've never tried to discuss it. She talks about dates she goes on and people she likes. I die a little inside and feel like crying, but instead i smile and behave like any friend should. Unrequited love is horrible. It's exhausting and frustrating. I would do anything for her, have never let her down, always been there when she's needed me, and never asked for anything in return. But to me, this is a small price to pay to have a little place in her life.
Prettyblue89 Prettyblue89 22-25, F Feb 4, 2013

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