THis Is the Story of My Life Just About.

I feel this has happened to me numerous times.  The last one being almost beyond belief to me.   I've fallen in (what I consider to be "love") on five , possibly six, occasions throughout my life (I, being now 45 yrs of age).   This last time was particularly painful for me, because of the fact that I gave so much of myself.. went through such gut-wrenching pain from the experience.  I felt I wanted to just end it all by the time it was through.  I guess to tell the whole story and all would be a waste of time and space.  I've told it so many times already, I myself am tired of hearing it.  But a brief synopsis:  I fell in love with a woman who I knew from the start, had severe mental problems.  I was in love, so it didn't matter.  We began living together.  She started having these episodes.. psychotic.. to where she got violent (often for no reason, or reason I could not figure out at the time) and she would hit, bite, throw things.. and damn nearly killed me.  These epsides shocked me at first.. then started increasing.  I didn't want to let go, I loved her, however.  She ended up taking off.  She got pregnant just before this time.  I thought it was mine.  Almost sure it was.  She left me.  Hooked up with another guy.  I tried to locate her, could not.  She had the baby, abondoned it at the hospital.  When I found out, I tried to find out for sure if it indeed was my child.  Went to court hearings, etc, had a DNA test ordered..  Months of child visitations, hearings, etc etc... to find out it was not my child.  She never saw the baby from the day she left it at the hospital.  She went on with her life.  Has contacted me on 2 occasions since.  When she was near death in the hospital, and when she was arrested.  Both times I went running, she told me all the things to make me want her back..  And she lied to me, it was only for my assistance that she called me in the first place.  I'm left feeling used. Foolish. And worst of all, I still care about her.  She doesn't care about me and I doubt she ever loved me. Was the worst and most drawn out, painful experience of my life.
Sarkoloff Sarkoloff
41-45, M
Jun 1, 2007