It Was Tough

Long story short, I met a guy online and we instantly connected. We swapped phone numbers and talked everyday all day long. It wasn't last year but the year before when we met. We were so into talking everyday I couldn't get enough of talking to him. I was crazy about him. It was everything. He has everything I could ever want in a man. It was simply amazing, everyday was the best day ever. I blushed when we talked. I can't describe it. I had not ever had that kind of feeling with anyone ever. When I saw his picture I knew for a fact he was "the one." He called everyday left me voicemail. The whole 9. When stuff was going on with my family he would say things like "you better be glad I'm not there because Im pissed at how they are treating you" he stuck up for me.

One day I said, I have to tell you something and he was like yeah? And I told him I loved him. He didn't say it back and I didn't expect him to at all. Guys don't say it hardly and I wasn't going to pressure him about it. I knew he cared for me. Hell he worked many hours and still made time for me (that's what I thought was important) it didn't matter what he was doing he always made sure I was alright no matter what time of day or night it was. Well I fell in love with him. I was head-over-heels so to speak. I thought nothing could ever tear us apart...well I guess I was wrong. One day he said I'm sorry but I don't have feelings for you anymore. We had dated for 6 months. But we still talked everyday. We were friends and my feelings were the same and he knew that.

I noticed that he hadn't texted or called in a week. We were trying to give each other space. He dealt with work and I was dealing with school and work. He texted me and asked if I had a boyfriend? And I said, "No, do you have a girlfriend?" (We asked those questions jokingly all the time knowing we had feelings for each other) He then replied, "Yes, I do." Immediately I started to fall apart. I cried and I didn't say anything to him for the next two weeks. How could I speak to someone who didn't love me? How could he hurt me like that? What was I gonna do without him? Well I texted him later and said I really miss you and he said I miss you too. But you have to move on. Well it took me months. He told me about her September 23rd 2012. I will never forget it. It was too painful I couldn't eat nor sleep. I was crying and hurting everyday. No one could make me feel better but him. It was the hardest thing I had ever gone through. It wasn't easy at all. It was the worse thing I had ever been through. I eventually came to realization that I can be friends with him because I would rather have him in my life as a friend than not have him in my life at all. He didn't intend to hurt me. He had told me many times his feelings were not there and I ignored them. He is my best friend and I don't regret the time we spent learning from each other. He encourages me all the time. One thing he told me was that I showed him how to love. And he showed me how I needed to be loved. We are friends til this day. Do I still think he is "the one"? I do. But now may not be the time for us and if he isn't then oh well. We both want each other to be happy. But I fell in love with someone who didn't love me and it didn't feel too good but I don't regret it.
notworthtime notworthtime
26-30, F
1 Response Mar 31, 2013

Sometimes it's better to ask/know things up front so that you know where to keep your boundaries and where they need to keep their boundaries. Male/Female friendships are always some of the most difficult because of that. But it sounds like you have a good friend if that's what you want, but if not then you may want to keep your distance...

Yeah. We have kept our distance he has a girlfriend and I'm glad she is there for him. We are friends. And I'm so glad for that. Like I said I'd rather him be my friend then not in my life at all. So we are both on the same page but I do miss him from time to time